clairedunham Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I had "sex" with a guy last night. The reason I used quotations is because it was the most horrible sex that it shouldn't even be consider sex. I've known this guy for like a year or so and we always had an attraction that was huge but then I didn't feel a connection. I had my ex on my mind and it sucked too. The other thing is when I got home crying I didn't recall memory. Obviously I remembered but my mind is somehow trying to hide it in my subconscious. I was like I wasn't even there. Weird feeling really. I feel ****ty and again my ex hasn't spoken to me. What this also makes me think is that probably my ex is going through the same situation where he feels he doesn't connect with the other person if he is having sex right now.
Ireallydontknow Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Well the lesson is, you aren't ready. Some of us are eager to plow away, other's cannot do it without the connection. 2
JDPT Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I know the feeling, it's horrible having sex during a break up and this is coming from a guy's perspective. There is no connection, your mind and body are not there are at all. I can tell you what I've learned: I need to completely stay away from any type of dating or being intimate with a woman until I feel that I'm ready for it because clearly I'm not. Learn from this experience but most importantly don't dwell on it, move forward and take this time to get to know yourself. Only you will know when you are ready to play the field once again. 2
Author clairedunham Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 I didn't feel any arousal as he touched me. It was horrible. Didn't last very long .
TrblinMN Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I know the feeling, it's horrible having sex during a break up and this is coming from a guy's perspective. There is no connection, your mind and body are not there are at all. I can tell you what I've learned: I need to completely stay away from any type of dating or being intimate with a woman until I feel that I'm ready for it because clearly I'm not. Learn from this experience but most importantly don't dwell on it, move forward and take this time to get to know yourself. Only you will know when you are ready to play the field once again. I couldn't said it better myself. You were not clearly ready but don't be too hard on yourself. 1
JDPT Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Oh I know the feeling, trust me, it's just NOT the same. It's more uncomfortable than anything. With my ex I felt like I could do everything and anything in bed but with someone other than your loved one you feel so reluctant to do anything. I won't go into details but noticed the huge difference when in bed with my ex and someone else. I have opted to stay away from it completely and time will tell when I'm ready to move forward in that respect.
Keenly Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Why did you have sex / continue to have sex when you realized you were not enjoying it at all. Do not be afraid to speak up about what you are feeling. If your not into it, stop it. Don't just go for the sake of going.
saltyfishhead666 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I have friends who I'm sexually flirty with on a daily basis. It's my personality I am amusingly crude. I can't talk to people like that, I can't masterbate (sorry tmi) let alone even consider someone else touching me right now. I think of it and my skin literally crawls. You made a bad decision, I'm sure you maybe thought you were ready but you aren't. Time to go back to healing you. Eventually we all will be able to have a physical relationship again. I wonder if the dumpers feel this way, although I mostly doubt it xx
James-London Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I recently had a breakup due to her infidelity. Last 3 weeks have been AWFUL. I'm on the mend in that I can eat and I'm starting back into my routine. But sex is definitely off the menu. If you are like me, you need friendly faces, shoulders to cry on and plenty of ice-cream. Try and be a bit more productive each day until you can get back into your normal routine. The images of this guy will be around for a bit but will fade in time. Try and make sure you don't bump into him for a while. Libido is probably the last thing to return back to normal after a breakup, I would imagine. Hope that helps.
spiderowl Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 We still have the need for connection, affection and sex, but there needs to be total involvement, mentally and physically, for it to feel right. Don't blame yourself for seeking that good feeling again. It's a shame it didn't work, but there is a lot of 'mental' work going on after a break up and it takes time to process it all and come to terms with it. 1
BC1980 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I think it's normal to seek out human connection after losing a really important person in your life. You think you can fill the void with someone else. I started talking to a guy about a month after my breakup, but I ended up telling him it was too soon for me. It just felt wrong and weird. It had nothing to do with the guy, but I just needed time to decompress. I wasn't in the right state of mind to start something with another person. Now, I feel I would be open to meeting someone else, but I don't feel I am ready to actively seek anyone out. I just want to do my own thing right now to be honest, and I think that is perfectly normal.
Dez Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 me and my ex had sex after the break up, it was okay for the first 20 mins, but things went bad. she told me to stop and wouldn't talk to me, then we just went to sleep. guess she didn't feel the passion anymore.
Salvatore85 Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I'm at 7 months since the break up and the idea of sleeping with someone has no appeal to me whatsoever. I fooled around with another female a couple of weeks after my ex dumped me and I honestly felt awful. It sort of felt like I was doing something wrong. I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish you the best.
jamandsugarsky Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 From experience I know that sex won't fix your loneliness or pain. Doing something so intimate with someone else won't necessarily bring intimacy. It can make you feel even more distant and detached then before. Everyone has done it, it's just a case of trying it before you were ready. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just save it until you really want to be with someone, not just because you feel you should. x
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