LinkWorshiper Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I've been struggling with a lot of mental stuff pretty much all my life, but it's made coping with things especially hard. I posted the other day about how upset I was that my ex and I seemed to be getting back to at least a close friendship, and then we argued because he kept avoiding the topic of whether or not he was seeing someone, and I got upset that he couldn't be clean about it. I guess I was just looking to hear him set some boundaries so we could progress with the friendship on the same page, but it turned a bit ugly, even though he said I was one of the few people he wanted close to him and that he felt ****ty about the whole thing, and that we could start over from the beginning. He also said some pretty unkind things as well, and I'm still reeling from the whole thing, shocked that one minute we're like best buddies again, and it almost felt like old times, and the next, he's angry at me like I did something wrong because I was telling him how I felt. Anyway, I want it all to be good. Now that I know what the deal is, I just want to be his friend and that's great, but I'm flipping out because his contact patterns with me have changed. He was messaging me every day and looking at my Tumblr, and though he still did the latter, and though he still responded to me when I tried to ask him how he was yesterday, he seemed less friendly. I just really hope this isn't messed up... But the big issue is this.... I've been faltering at work since this whole break up thing even happened. I had a period in the hospital too. It's gotten to a point where I've gotten so unfocused at work that even I have noticed my errors, and my bosses essentially urged me to take 12 week medical leave to sort through myself without distraction. They were like, you need this, or you were on a road to losing your job. I'm freaking out about how to use this time and make everything at least be manageable again. I'm hurting so bad, I feel so guilty, I haven't slept in three days now, and all I've eaten is two cupcakes. I don't know what to do anymore, because I feel like everything I believe in is crumbling right out of my head and I feel so empty and ugh....
TrblinMN Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 If you can financially, take some time off. Talk to your HR department and see what resources they may have for you or what other solutions may help to get over this hump so you can return to your normal self. Don't let them affect you that much that you will lose your job.
Brown-Eyez Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 TAKE THE MEDICAL LEAVE!! You are seriously compromised right now and are going through a clinical depression. You need to find a good mental health professional, get into counseling and possibly even medication. If you don't take care of yourself you're going to have ALOT more troubles than you currently have..you are being given the opportunity to heal, TAKE IT and use the time to get your head right!
Author LinkWorshiper Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 I took the leave. Today is my first day and I feel sort of overwhelmed. I am planning to maybe get out of town, stay with my mom or something like that. I barely have enough money to get me through the month, so luckily my mom is going to help me there, but I'm so lost and upset. I felt like things might have been actually getting better for a second there, and I'm mad that I maybe sounded too accusatory about what information he wanted to divulge about himself (though he was pretty keen to know all about me). Like I am in literal pain, and I won't get a refill on my medication until I see my doctor on Weds. I take lithium for my brain bull**** and it helps a lot, but not having it a few days has also made me manic. I'm really also depressed that my ex/friend/whatever he is doesn't even seem to want to make the effort to understand what i've been dealing with on my end, even though he talks all about empathy... I'm crazy overwhelmed and a bit freaked out.
Sparkle304 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 #1 - Take care of yourself! Do you have a friend or family member who will bring food to you and ensure that you eat it? Please eat something! Starving yourself only makes your thoughts more unfocussed as your brain and body are depleted of energy and nutrients. EAT! #2 - There is more here than just a failed relationship. Recognize other sources of stress that are contributing to your depression. #3 - Seek counselling. #4 - You MUST start being truthful with yourself! You DON'T want a friendship with him, you want a BOYFRIEND. He does not want to give that to you = you CANNOT be friends = you need to move on and you need to stop all contact with him right now. You MUST!!! #5 - Why the hell are you giving so much power to this guy?!? He doesn't even want this control over you and you just keep throwing bucket loads of power in his direction. He's not doing this to you....you're doing it to yourself. You're willing to sacrifice your job, your health, your life for some douche that is nasty to you?!?! Get some perspective here. #6 - The reason I can say this it that I too have suffered through depression and many breakups. It's not fun and it's an extremely difficult hole to get out of. But YOU CAN DO IT!!! If I can see the sun shine again, so can you! And trust me, at one point, I could've cared less if I ever saw the sun, the moon or the stars ever again. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!! But it does take effort and focus. Now start by taking some deep breaths...........and just keep moving forward.
Author LinkWorshiper Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 @Sparkle Thanks. I'm going to try and stay with my mom who can at least feed me and take care of me during that time. I'm going to also try and set up some additional therapy to what I already have for the time. As for him, I guess I thought he was different, and things were going so nicely. I was just upset he couldn't come clean about things with me. We apologized and said we'd start over but I'm having huge bouts of anxiety about it.
Sparkle304 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Your anxiety is your body's way of telling you to leave the situation. Your brain may not have entirely clued in to this yet, but your body is literally screaming at you to get out and start healing.
Sparkle304 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Moms are AWESOME!! My parents helped me through my depression.... You WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author LinkWorshiper Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 It's just like... I'm so happy when I'm around him. I know that because I allow mean things he says to affect me, I shouldn't care anymore, but he's depressed too. I want to at least be a good, supportive friend. I'm so upset and lonely right now though. I can't stop crying. We were going to hang out tomorrow but now I don't even know and I'm freaked out I'll never see him again and all these things.
JDPT Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 It's imperative for you to internalize and comprehend that the root of your issue stems from attempting to have a "relationship" with your ex. As you can see it's detrimental to your health. There is no shame in taking a medical leave, you do what's deemed necessary to recuperate from this emotional blow. However, start sorting out the good and the bad and eradicate what brings distress. I'm glad you have your mother to assist you financial. Please take advantage of this time off to heal yourself fully and I urge you to stop all contact with your ex. There are certain times in life when you need to do what's best for you and you only and if you feel as if you are taking one step back to take two forward then so be it. You will make progress nonetheless. Stay strong and once again make this time work in your favor, we are all here for you.
Author LinkWorshiper Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 It's imperative for you to internalize and comprehend that the root of your issue stems from attempting to have a "relationship" with your ex. As you can see it's detrimental to your health. There is no shame in taking a medical leave, you do what's deemed necessary to recuperate from this emotional blow. However, start sorting out the good and the bad and eradicate what brings distress. I'm glad you have your mother to assist you financial. Please take advantage of this time off to heal yourself fully and I urge you to stop all contact with your ex. There are certain times in life when you need to do what's best for you and you only and if you feel as if you are taking one step back to take two forward then so be it. You will make progress nonetheless. Stay strong and once again make this time work in your favor, we are all here for you. Yeah. I guess I'm in shock because literally one second, I thought things were on a good road, and then the second I ask him about something he doesn't think I should know, even as "friends", it's my fault for not being psychic and knowing what his intentions were automatically. I'm sad because it had felt so good to be talking to him the way we used to and that we were both very important to each other and I don't want to lose that. I've never had someone so important to me before. I've since tried to offer an olive branch to him and he responds to me, but it's not like before, so I worry. I just hope I can get back to a place where I can function again. I can barely move or eat.
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