joemax Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I have been with my gf for a year and a half. I'm 25, she's 21. We've had our fair share of hiccups but have worked through them pretty well. Lately though we've been having more and more issues. Let me also say that she has been diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Call me uptight or whatnot but I am very against drugs/smoking etc, and she knows this. I've learned to live with the fact that she's a smoker because I love her, but lately she's been smoking more and more weed. The other day we were at her friend's house and they were all smoking up and she joined in, without asking me if I'd be okay with it or anything like that. She saw that it bothered me, came to see me and ask me what was wrong and then went back and smoked up some more, which really made me feel insulted. Another thing I have a concern with is that she seems to be too flirty with guys. Fast forward to last night and it was her friend's birthday at a nightclub downtown, I was with my best friend not far from there and so she invited us to join, I said why not. We went and everything was fine for some time, but at some point I left with my friend to go get drinks and when I came back she was cheersing with some guy and playing with the string on his hoodie, it made me feel uneasy. When I bring up these things to her she gets extremely defensive and doesn't know how to make me feel better. Am I being silly/irrational here? I Just need a different perspective. Thank you so much.
Author joemax Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 One more thing I forgot to add, last week we were at a friend's house for a get-together and I found out that while I was upstairs socializing she went into the basement with some of her friends and she tried cocaine...
Author joemax Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 What is she contributing to the relationship? When things are good, they're great. She makes me happy, and always makes me want to better myself.
theonlyjuan Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Maybe she is a little down or stressed out. I used to smoke it a lot and it did take the edge off. One of the ****test things about relationships is getting jealous, it's normal most do it. To be fair, your over reacting a bit, it's not as if she was doing something worse. You have to get over the flirting thing it doesn't mean she wants him. If it keeps happening then your going to have to find a way of telling her without her getting defensive, you don't want a huge argument over it.
nescafe1982 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I think the flirting in a minor issue that can be resolved with you telling her you expect her to maintain certain boundaries. HOWEVER, the point is moot because the drugs are clearly a deal-breaker. You aren't uptight; it's reasonable to expect the woman you're with to not use drugs compulsively. BUT you have put yourself in a relationship with a woman who does use drugs compulsively and is not going to stop for the sake of your relationship. In short, you guys are not compatible. It sucks to say this is you love her, but I think your only option is to break up with her and find a woman who shares your values.
MrCastle Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 The issue here for me (aside from the drug use) is the BPD diagnosis. You need to do your homework on what exactly that entails and decide whether or not you can handle it.
Recommended Posts