Heartache

[ShannonBanana]

My STBX H came over today to pick up the rest of this stuff. I went to a coffee shop while he got his stuff to avoid contact. But it felt pretty heartbreaking even without seeing him. He left here an 1.5 hours ago and I've been crying since.

I know he loves me, I know he misses me, is grieving like I am, that he thinks I am wonderful and beautiful; but he just really believes we can't be happy together and divorce is the best thing for both of us.

 

I think we could be happy together if he wanted to try, but he doesn't want to try anymore. I think he never really worked on the things that needed to be changed on his end. I kept trying to tell him what I needed but it never got through to him.

 

It was like having a broken radiator in your car, but he was fixing the muffler and then wondering why the car keeps overheating.

 

Indeed, I need(ed) to work on my part too.

 

I want for us to live in a city we *both* can thrive in, find a middle ground (I had always felt he couldn't find a middle ground with me, it most often had to be his way), to have a mutual loving marriage where we both feel valued and happy. A better, happier marriage. I guess we were never really able to give each other the love that the other person needed. But I want to be able to do that.

 

I'm an emotional mess right now. I miss him, I love him, I don't want to do this! I don't want to separate our lives, but it's too late now. I want to hug him from behind as he makes my coffee in the morning like I used to. I want to tell him I love him. The words are always on the tip of my tongue but I don't say it because it's over now.

Edited August 31, 2013 by ShannonBanana

[hayewils]

its really incredible to me how people choose to give up and quit on something they agreed to.. marriage..

my stbxw did the exact same thing, she blamed me, and never worked on things from her side. our relationship was a one way street with me always trying. all she ever did was come home, say hey, go change into her pajamas and hit the couch with a bottle of wine and watch tv.

weekends, I wanted to be doing something but could never convince her that we should get out.

looking back I realize that she checked out a long time ago. I always felt like things were not right, something was wrong. This was a year ago. or should I say now, a year and a half ago. these are people who think things should, or will tke care of themselves. they don't want to have to put in the hard work that makes a marriage worth it. they think everyone will be happier away from each other instead. it makes no sense to me and you have to stop and wonder why they married us in the first place. what were they thinking, what did they expect.

this is something that they will go through again in their lives because after the excitement and lust all dissipates in the new relationship, normalcy and complacency always fills in, always.

then the same ol lifes challenges follow right in...

they will learn that it is them who cant be happy, maybe they will learn.

my ex is the type who wont learn, she will always blame the other side.

There is a reason my ex wife was single and never married when I met her.

its because she expects more and it doesn't come, or its not there.. she is the type of person who cant be happy with herself and accept things for what they are. everybody has to sacrifice, she doesn't want to sacrifice.

[keepontruckin]

We live in a Wal Mart world now! We're all disposable, it seems:laugh:

[vla1120]

its really incredible to me how people choose to give up and quit on something they agreed to.. marriage..

my stbxw did the exact same thing, she blamed me, and never worked on things from her side. our relationship was a one way street with me always trying. all she ever did was come home, say hey, go change into her pajamas and hit the couch with a bottle of wine and watch tv.

weekends, I wanted to be doing something but could never convince her that we should get out.

looking back I realize that she checked out a long time ago. I always felt like things were not right, something was wrong. This was a year ago. or should I say now, a year and a half ago. these are people who think things should, or will tke care of themselves. they don't want to have to put in the hard work that makes a marriage worth it. they think everyone will be happier away from each other instead. it makes no sense to me and you have to stop and wonder why they married us in the first place. what were they thinking, what did they expect.

this is something that they will go through again in their lives because after the excitement and lust all dissipates in the new relationship, normalcy and complacency always fills in, always.

then the same ol lifes challenges follow right in...

they will learn that it is them who cant be happy, maybe they will learn.

my ex is the type who wont learn, she will always blame the other side.

There is a reason my ex wife was single and never married when I met her.

its because she expects more and it doesn't come, or its not there.. she is the type of person who cant be happy with herself and accept things for what they are. everybody has to sacrifice, she doesn't want to sacrifice.

 

Hmm. I might be offended at the thought that perhaps you think I didn't work hard enough at saving my marriage, except I DID stay for 32 years and work my tail off. After 3 bouts of cheating by him, and then having him completely check out of the relationship while I was fighting breast cancer ALONE, I am left believing it is time for me to put ME first for the first time in my life.

 

I don't care how much someone thinks a couple should work on a marriage to keep it together. If all the work is one-sided, it's like the definition of insanity trying the same things over and over (working on the marriage) and expecting different results. At some point, it's time to stop flipping the light switch. The power is off and it's not going to turn on again. STOP the crazy-go-round. I want to get off! (Was that enough metaphors?)