bolase Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 (edited) I have been seeing a guy for 2.5 months. We are VERY different but we've been getting closer and confiding in each other. We only see each other after work around twice a week, but we work in the same building. We're exclusive, he expressed that he could see himself falling in love with me and felt it was going somewhere, I said I was excited to see what would happen. A few nights ago he stayed over, and he brought up some comments like 'I feel like we don't want or need anything from the other, which I think is a good thing' and that he thought relationships could only last 3 years, as all his r/ships have broken up at that marker (we're late twenties). And he mentioned his best friend and said 'if you meet Jack, ... and then another comment about him visiting me, when I have my dream cabin when I'm older. All these things made me think that he is saying he doesn't see a future with me. Even subconsciously. SO I said to him, I understand that you don't want us to own the other person and I don't ask for much from you as it is, but what you've said tonight sounds like you're really cynical about relationships and this one in particular, and I want to be with someone who has some hope for us and the future. He got very offended, seemed surprised at my response to the various things he's said. He didn't see us as doomed at all, didn't see an end date and really liked me - saying he was only confiding in me about the 3 year thing and hopes for better. He then began saying that I must not really like him that much if I was being so black and white. That he'd felt all along I coudl flick a switch and not like him, and I wasn't giving him enough credit as a person. Finally he said that if I didn't like cynicism in general I shouldn't invest in him. I said I don't mind that - just not about relationships and I took his comments personally. He didn't leave but said we should take a day to reflect and talk again. It was fine the next two days but I texted him asking if he was still reflecting and he said he was hoping to talk on the weekend instead and didn't want to rush into rationalising things but likes me. I haven't heard from him yet and I'm going away tomorrow. What should I do? Edited August 31, 2013 by bolase
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Give him space and let him come to you. Sounds like you are not on the same wavelength...I also think he could be using this argument as an excuse to break up with you. I don't see how you did much wrong to warrant that response from him. Don't be too apologetic.
208ba Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 hi i would personaly take it slowly he may feel that he is trapped but if he realy wants you he will come to you and maybe like me finds it hard to express himself properly i wish your dreams come true
Author bolase Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Give him space and let him come to you. Sounds like you are not on the same wavelength...I also think he could be using this argument as an excuse to break up with you. I don't see how you did much wrong to warrant that response from him. Don't be too apologetic. Thanks, unfortunately I was quite apologetic at the time because I felt taken aback! I think he would not have been looking for an excuse to break up as he is planning a week long trip for research for his personal project and keeps asking me to join him. One other strange thing that night - his ex who I have never met (they broke up 5 months ago, together for 4 years), he mentioned and in response I said something, using the words 'your ex' and he says 'she does have a name..'... but that's unfair, right...she has no personal relevance to me, and he'd only just started to call her by name. He said I just reminded him of her by saying he was detached. Anyway, I think I will not contact him.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Thanks, unfortunately I was quite apologetic at the time because I felt taken aback! I think he would not have been looking for an excuse to break up as he is planning a week long trip for research for his personal project and keeps asking me to join him. One other strange thing that night - his ex who I have never met (they broke up 5 months ago, together for 4 years), he mentioned and in response I said something, using the words 'your ex' and he says 'she does have a name..'... but that's unfair, right...she has no personal relevance to me, and he'd only just started to call her by name. He said I just reminded him of her by saying he was detached. Anyway, I think I will not contact him. What's done is done. Keep your cool and don't contact him from now on. It doesn't sound to me like 5 months is long enough to get over a 4 year relationship. Generally men fresh out of a LTR are not to keen to jump into another one.
Yookie Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Is sounds like you really have no relationship to begin with. You see him 2 times a week after work for 2.5 months and now he needs time to "reflect??" I think your initial assessment was correct. He's not with you for the long haul. You might just be the rebound from the last relationship.
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