dreameater Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 (edited) I have a really long love story which can fit into a book, but I will make it short... Sorry for my poor English though. First of all, I am an Asian guy and I have been dating with this Asian girl for over 2 years when I was still at school. We made a compromise for our long term relationship: the 1st year, I will graduate at school, the 2nd one, I will find a job and the last one, marry her. She is an arrogant person, but for me is OK because even if I am strong, we always give respect to our lady. At 1st, I swear to inside of myself that I will give her a happy life after my study... Weird is most of the time I see her, we always have dispute, but the next day, we end up loving each other much more... I think we are unique because we always hold our hands when we sleep together for the whole time for over 2 years. Over 2 years has passed, the plan is going well... I finished my school and I am working hard to get enough money to buy her a ring. The problem is from me... During the 2nd year, I started to become insecure because I saw her working hard everyday and paying her family debt. Yes, she is working to pay her family debt! So, I found out that I was so useless... I do not have the good fortune to support her, so my mood is changing... ... One day, I gave her my t-shirt because her clothe was dirty... ...After her birthday, she texted me that she is special because her 3 old friend invited her for a 500$ birthday meal. She was amazed and I was jealous because she is comparing me to those guys, so I replied to her that I go against my will to make her happy as I called sick to give her a Friday present at her favorite restaurant and she enjoyed that day, so how dare she is comparing me to them? We talked then the dispute started via SMS. It is getting worse and I end up telling her all crappy thing and I even insulted her which is what I should not do... Then, we decided to break up... We are just saying... I was arrogant myself too, so I stuck in my room for 2 weeks without even calling her. On her side, she drunk at her home and try to go out with friends while waiting for my call. I also realized after that every night, she slept beside holding my t-shirt... After 2 weeks, I went to her home to get her back, but she listened to her colleague and told me that it won't be easy to get her back... Every week? We hang out... In the meantime, she went to karaoke and a guy was charmed her. She even told me that a guy was trying to date her, but my arrogance ignore everything... At the end, she date with a guy which has the opposite of my ability. She knew she will not go far with him, but she doesn't know what to do as she felt in love with him... He was my rebound... She told me that her dispute with him is bigger than mine. But she cannot leave him. Why? This guy acts as Alpha Male and had previous experience, so he knows how to control women... Because she is emotional, so every time they break up, that guy will go to her home the next day to beg her and she will fall into his charming trap. It happens a fewer everytime! Every time she is mad at that guy and cannot bear anymore, she called me and I was her emotional tampon... I am too weak, so I fall in her trap... And this happen a fewer time that probably cure her wound while making mine bigger and bigger. There is one time, she called me telling me why I didn't come to see at the beginning... telling me that the guy is nice because he gave her luxury stuffs such LV bag... But she needs affections and not that. Why didn't I take care of her because leaving her into that stats... She insisted to see my face over facetime... After that chat, it seems that she is back to normal and she just leave me there alone... Her family still own me money and she will contact me at least once a month... Last time, I shout on her asking to leave me alone because I have enough of being her emotional tampon... She agreed, but from time to time, she emailed me... Then I couldn't control myself, so I shout again and she was very furious and told me that she will never ever contact me again. At that day, I sent her an apologies letter saying that she was arrogant to me, that's why I shout at her... She took a moment to think and agreed with me, so she apologize for her mistakes and sent me a fewer images such "I am sorry...", "You can kick my ass, but please forgive me", I am sorry, can we be friend plz!", "I am sorry to hurt you...". I went to NC for 3 weeks and she FB me asking if I can become her friend. No response, then she SMS me... Then called me 2 times, then email me... Then go back to FB saying that she understand... I don't want to have a friend like her, right? Recently, her main pix in FB has the collar that this guy gave to her. It is ugly, but I know she is happy to wear it to show the value of that guy... Now, I realized I have violate to all the 10 rules not to do to get ex back... Do you guys think I still have a chance? If I decide to go to the friend zone, will I be able to get her back? I still love her very much... I tried to get busy everyday, but there is always a 1min that I will be thinking of her... The mess that I have done just create a new couple: that guy and my ex... Anyone know what I should do I get her back? Or it is really over...? Thanks for your expertise. Edited August 31, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Why on earth would you WANT her back??? Seems to be a gold digger on top of everything else. And you are correct, you are her emotional safety net. You deserve better than that! I STRONGLY recommend you maintain NO CONTACT, do NOT answer her requests for communication! Can you see a pattern here with her? Its going to keep repeating itself as long as you allow it to. Get rid of her and let her be someone elses problem. Get off the emotional rollercoaster she has you on.
Author dreameater Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 (edited) I want her back because she is a very nice person and I feel a good future with her because she loves kids and same for me. And our relationship will not end if I was not arrogant myself by leaving her at her home for 2 weeks. I don't think it is a gold digger case because she never ask that guy to buy anything. He bought things for her to manipulate her because he knows women love luxury things. Btw, that guy is a serial fraudster and went to jail a fewer time. So why on earth she will date with that guy? Because he acted cool and gave her attraction when she was down with me... Instead of cheering her, I kept pushing her away. At the same time, that guy is acting cool, so grab her heart. At the end, she dumped me. I cannot leave her for 2 reasons: 1. She still own me money, so she will have to contact me to pay my debt and this occurs at least once a month. 2. She is the best friend of my best friend. They still hang out together... I am not going to leave my best friend to dispatch her, but I felt that I will meet her again... Should I become her friend and act cool, then steal her back? Edited August 31, 2013 by dreameater
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 No, you cannot be her "friend" as you still love her. And NO, you cannot simply "steal" her back. If it were that easy, none of us would be here on this forum. Sorry friend, but just how is she a "nice" person? Drop her and save yourself, dreameater. It's a battle you'll never win.
Author dreameater Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 She is not as other girls. She works hard and do not need man funds to pay off her debt. She doesn't ask for luxury things, but of course, if that guy gave her stuffs, she will have to take it, right? She split her weekend with friends and ALWAYS leave a day for her parents. All the debt she is carrying belong to one member of her family! If she wanted, she could leave it, but she has to assume that big debt... One time, she called me in desperate stats saying she want to get out of that relationship, but every time, when they break up, that guy keeps showing up at her door for apologies... So she give him chance over and over... She dumped me because I asked her to leave me and find another guy so I can find myself a new one too. It was my fault... And when she was down, instead of given her security, I said things to make her furious. In the meantime, that guy is saying good thing and showing security, so she fall for it.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Again friend, YOU deserve better than that. I understand her debt situation, however its HER debt, not yours! And if she chooses to be with another man? That should remind you that it is no longer YOUR problem, its HERS.
Author dreameater Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 Again friend, YOU deserve better than that. I understand her debt situation, however its HER debt, not yours! And if she chooses to be with another man? That should remind you that it is no longer YOUR problem, its HERS. I know I deserve someone better. But I promised her and even telling her I only love her and will protect her no matter what... And the fact she know this, she keeps contacting me because she know I am a very good guy (beta male)! It is like she is dating with that guy and whenever she is in trouble, she call me for backup! I even told her that she is using me... But she declines this statement! Grr!! Last time, she went on party and call me to lift her up when it is done! I was sensitive so I lift her... She tried to talk to me when I drove her back, but I told her to be quiet as I don't want to hear anything... Back at home, she texted me saying "Thanks for keeping your promise". I was so mad when I saw that SMS! I am looking for opportunity to move on and to find a GF, but ALL womens in my vicinity even the younger 18-19 years old are taken! Guys are so fast these days! 1
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 Dreameater, let this individual go for your own sake! Honestly, you owe her nothing. And you know that. Better life lies ahead my friend! Stop thinking she'll come running back, they seldom ever do. Mine didn't. Get it? Move on.
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