boyfriend birthday trouble

[emmylouxoxo]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now. Well, for the past few months, he has commented on his birthday plans numerous times. He told me he wanted to take a boat and jet skis to his camp at a nearby lake. He specifically mentioned that he wanted me there! He never put out any intentions of him not wanting me there. Well after a few weeks of me and him arguing about stupid pointless things, I have been considering him and I taking some time apart just to get some fresh air from each other.

 

I never mentioned it though because he started being very sweet and thoughtful so I thought to myself "Hey maybe things are looking up!" Well lastnight we met for dinner and I was already in a somewhat agitated mood from being at work with dumb people all night. We sit down and he plays on his phone for a good ten minutes before I say "hey i am here you know.. we came to enjoy eachother's company, right?" He gets annoyed and says he is reading an article and continues playing on his phone. Eventually I bring up a topic he is interested in, which in turn makes him put his phone down and talk.

 

After dinner we walk to his truck so he can drop me off at my car. As we approach his truck, he exclaims how excited he is for his 18th birthday (which is a month away). He then says "I am gonna have an all boy party this year. Ya know, we are gonna go to the lake to boat and just have a good time." I stand there completely baffled at his words. #1 on MY 18TH birthday I went to dinner with him and a few of my close friends. He acted like an ******* the entire time, being that he "can't stand" my "annoying" friends. He bashes them ALL THE TIME. Then after my birthday dinner instead of going have a fun filled crazy night with my friends i went back to his house to cuddle and watch movies.

 

Looking back I totally regret that decision. Anyway, I look at him and say "Wow, Max. You don't want me there on your birthday?" He says "Well I was thinking we could go do something another night, you know just us two." In my head I'm thinking "Oh yeah, just leave me out for the fun stuff and save a night for me just so I don't feel completely worthless." The thing is, I was so hurt by his decision because he had put me under a false belief that I would be part of his fun birthday weekend on the lake! I never do anything fun with my friends because my boyfriend gets mad when I go out. And when I do go out, with his "permission" I get nasty texts the whole time, him complaining about me having "no respect" for him.

 

He tells me to hop in the truck so he can drop me at my car and I say "No thanks I can just walk." I turn away and begin to walk off when he says "UGH I knew you would freak out about this. Even my mom told me that if you got mad over this, I should just break up with you." I turn around and a rage sets off in my soul. I say "WHAT?! Your mom said that? And why is this her business?" He then says his friend discussed the same thing saying that if I went to the lake with them, I would be the only girl and just "in the way." I felt so completely hurt and attacked by 3 people not wanting me there. They had already established that I wouldn't be there and what he would do to me when I reacted by getting mad.

 

OF COURSE I AM MAD YOU SCOUNDREL! I begin to tell him to put himself in my shoes and of course he replies by saying "I wouldn't even be mad, I mean it is your birthday and all you can do what you want." But by doing what I want, I would include him, my boyfriend, my bestfriend, my lover. Why wouldn't I want the most special person to me there? I begin to question the way he thinks of me. A million angry thoughts run through my mind and I lose my temper and throw my to-go cup on the cement and I say "Ya know what?! **** off!" He gets into his truck and begins to drive away saying "Man **** you." I go up to his window and stop him from leaving. we scream and yell for a good 15 minutes before I realize we are probably giving spectators a nice laugh. I get into his truck and he parks by car, we talk for another hour.

 

He tells me that he needs some additional alone time because he feels pressured by me. He complains about me calling him (which I rarely do because how he reacts, answering the phone angrily saying "what?") He says I text too much, ask to hangout to much, and he never gets time with his friends. Which he barely has any because he is so anal and picky about everything. He suggests having a "break." I tell him "NO, THERE WILL BE NO BREAK. You either want me here, or you don't. I am not going to be casted out just to be reeled in time and time again. I will not stand for this."

 

He says "Okay well let's just break up then." I tell him that he needs to recognize what he is doing because it is a big decision. By this time, he is very grumpy and "ready for bed." He tells me he would like for me to get in my var so he can go home and go to bed. Before getting out of his truck I say "This is not what I want.. I thought we had a stronger bond than this." He SCREAMS "JUST LET ME LEAVE I WANT TO SLEEP!!!" I close the door and get into my car, by this time in tears, shocked by the way my so called "lover" is treating me. And to top everything off, I was getting my wisdom teeth pulled the very next morning after the argument. He didn't call or text to tell my goodluck before my surgery.

 

I was very suprised to see a vase of flowers, a "Get Well Soon" balloon, and a card saying "Hope you feel better. Love, Your Secret Admirer." I am completely confused as what to do in this situation. I don't know whether I overreacted or if it really is wrong of him to not include me in his special day. HELP PLEASE!

Edited September 2, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[gaius]

He broke up with you. You find a new boyfriend.

 

Whatever you do DO NOT try to fix things or win him back. He just treated you with enormous disrespect and the onus is on him to make up with you.

[skydiveaddict]

You don't really expect someone to read all that do you?

[Leigh 87]

You guys are so young.

 

That is the problem. At 18, you are both too emotionally under developed to have a healthy and lasting relationship.

 

The vast majority of people your age are not mature enough to, first of all: know who you are, and also know what you need from a relationship.

 

..................................................................

 

This guy is just not that into you, sadly. When a guy really likes a girl, he WANTS her to text and call him. Guys do not like overly needy girls who text and call all the time, but you claim that you DO NOT text or call him too much.

 

Unless a girl texts/calls obsessively, a guy who is truly interested in being with you will NOT get annoyed when he hears from you.

 

It is alarming if this guy thinks you text and call too often, when as you said, you don't do it that often. He must really have disdain towards you.

 

It actually sounds like he does not really like you all that much.

 

It is also very unhealthy and destructive to yell and scream in a relationship...

[ja123]

The guy's an abusive, snotty, toe-rag. Dump him.

[ExpatInItaly]

He sounds like a jerk. And it sounds like he's already broken up with you. Keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy and take your mind off him for a while. He isn't worth it

[darkmoon]

"he never gets time with his friends. Which he barely has any because he is so anal and picky about everything"...he has enough friends to celebrate his birthday minus you, but you do not like this guy, and in telling us about his bad point/s, you want us not to like him too, you even tell him to "***** off" and you are unable to avoid arguing when talking, but overall, you sound really sweet, not drama addicted at all, nor him, maybe the flowers are from him, but it is his birthday, his choice

Edited September 2, 2013 by darkmoon

[Ninjainpajamas]

I forced myself to read it, and man....is there like a script that young women follow to be as absolutely generic and predictable in their behavior? because you hit every freaking mark like if you made this up.

 

Anyway, you're doing the whole "be with me because I know you love me/care for me" guilt trip, because you're experiencing this whole young love thing and how he should want the most specialist person around at all times! I mean, expected at your age but the problem is the way you handle yourself, and your temper and behavior is inexcusable and a lot of guys and people are going to think you're a basket case for it....making a scene and lashing out in public like that is a good way to get the "psycho" girlfriend label...my god woman, have some self-control and self-respect, I understand your emotional but contain yourself instead of throwing a tantrum and losing all sight of boundaries because you're "hurt" and "upset", you've got to learn to control your temper...I can almost see you at 40 piss drunk over a bottle of wine having a nervous emotional breakdown cussing out your 15 year kid because dad was an @sshole and didn't stick around.

 

I know you're not going to listen and desperately cling onto this, using every trick in the book to hold onto this guy to prove some kind of love but I hope he lets you go...you guys are fighting too much, you both seem a deterrent to each others happiness due to his jealousy and you prioritizing this guy over your friends and whatever, you're making him way too much the center of your world and long term relationships don't just hobble on one wheel with everything surrounding the relationship...you've got a lot to learn and you're very young, you're too focused and narrowed in how you are seeing things.

 

I think this guy wants to break up with you but doesn't know how, I'm sure he likes you in his life but at the same time he's probably just in this area of he doesn't even really care, with the amount you cling and the time you take from him and the closeness you desire is likely making him feel very smothered...your response will be to try and "fix it" and try to do everything you can to "work on it" and change, but you won't and you'll just go around in circles until he finally gets the balls to put the last nail in it because you're going to play these push and pull games to test him and try and get him to do whatever he can to keep you and if he's a desperate insecure foolish young guy he's probably going to play along with it not knowing any better.

 

Do not fight his mom on this either, you really need to take the focus on what his friends want and focus on how you are reacting to all of this because that's what you can change....you've obviously made an impression with these people that made they think you would flip (which you did) so you're basically being exactly the girl they are making you out to be.

 

You shouldn't let him control your life and you damn well shouldn't revolve it around him...I wish you could take my word on that but I know you cannot, and he shouldn't let you run around his...I know b-days are "special" and all of that but you're going to have a lot of them...but this is exactly the kind of problems and issues you have when you are young even more so, but don't worry you'll be fighting over the same similar crap with a number of different guys by the time you're an old lady too.

 

This whole "relationship" is an overreaction. Maybe one day you'll learn the relationships are about boundaries, respect and communications...once you expect to last beyond the honeymoon phase anyway. But once you cross a line...you can't go back.

[nescafe1982]

I only skimmed, but it sounds like good riddance to me. He was very, very unfair and rude to you. If this is any indicator of his personality in other regards, he did you a favor by suggesting a breakup. On to the next!