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why is it more compelling to not speak when you're upset at someone?


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Posted

If someone upsets you giving them the silent treatment is usually more effective than telling them directly what you're upset about. In both cases they know you're upset so why is one more effective than the other?

  • Like 1
Posted

Because it is a shut down.

There is no resolving things when one person shuts down.

Posted

Because in one case you're still showing them respect by talking to them, in the other you're actually taking something away of value. Your attention. :o People always respond better to force than to words.

  • Like 1
Posted

Well said, gaius.

 

I do that to a really terrible coworker of mine. He has feelings for me, it's obvious (other people have noticed it as well). But he does a hot and cold thing, where some days, when he's cold, he treats me like trash. So I ignore him because I don't want to put up with him. I don't want to waste my energy on someone who doesn't deserve it. He disgusts me and I have nothing to say to him.

  • Like 1
Posted

Venting (to some) comes across as a sign of weakness or over emotional investment to some. It leaves the person who vented looking vulnerable.

 

By not saying anything, people don't know for sure how you feel.

  • Like 1
Posted

I vent when I am still open to resolving things.

 

When I am really done with someone, I just say nothing and walk away.

 

Not saying anything is a stronger strategical move, leaves them guessing and you don't give away any power. Bad news is that power games don't lead to good relationships.

  • Like 3
Posted

Effective how? In upsetting them, and making them give in to what you want? In gaining the upper hand?

 

Or in resolving issues and building strong relationships?

  • Like 1
Posted

It is actually good to have restraint. Better than flying off the handle. So long as you work it out eventually.

Posted

Silent treatment only makes me angrier. If we have problems, lets talk like adults should.

 

 

I take silent treatment as not caring.

Posted

I tend to go the silent treatment route only because it keeps the problem in question from getting any worse than it already is. And no matter who the person in question is, it can easily get worse.

 

People just don't respond very well to criticism so I just don't bother. Most cases, it's not a problem so bad to the point where it is worth starting an argument over.

Posted
I tend to go the silent treatment route only because it keeps the problem in question from getting any worse than it already is. And no matter who the person in question is, it can easily get worse.

 

^^^THIS^^^

 

I personally find that in anger I can say some really horrendous things, especially when someone is really really asking for it. But that only causes the situation to escalate so by not speaking you are giving yourself and the other party to cool your heads.

Posted

It depends what it is that you are looking for.

 

Talking - aka communication - implies both parties are willing to discuss about the object of their dispute. It can be constructive or destructive, but it allows for a potential settlement of the story (positive or negative), once both parties have expressed themselves. Of course, during a fight, the communication - content or form - may be blunt and hurtful, this is why people fear confrontation.

 

The silence treatment has the gift of cutting all barriers with the other person. Things get suspended, frozen in time. No communication, no exchange. Game over. No one gets exposed, no one gets to be mean to the other person, this way no one risks to get hurt. Very efficient, very cold, if this is what you're looking for.

 

If fear or potential of getting hurt is more important than the desire to make things work, than the silent treatment should be the weapon of your choice.

Posted

edit...plus ten delete......silence

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