Maleficent Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 This makes you sound like a nutjob. He created a Facebook and added her on it because he likes her. I don't see how this translates into "he will definitely kill her". How many women do you think get killed by "stalkers" every year? Very few. This is something that doesn't happen often, but whenever it does happen, it is in the news. It is called fear mongering. It's pushed by the media and special interest groups (I think we all know which ones.....see my signature for details) that have an agenda. OP is doing the right thing by deleting him from FB and just letting it go. Because it's not a big deal. Oh, my. People I don't know on a random board think I'm a nutjob. What on earth will I do?? The fact that is does happen, even if it's not a lot, is enough, imo. The girl is creeped out and it's enough reason to be worried. I'm not saying she calls the cops. I'm saying she cuts contacts and makes sure this will not impact her job.
crederer Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I'd just give bland responses and be like "my boyfriend said something like that the other day" or something to allude to the fact that you have a boyfriend and therefore not interested. Yes, his texts are creepy. I'm a dude and I'm weirded out by them.
lino Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 What is it with you and FB? Didn't you go through something like this last year w some guy in your class? Wait a couple days and send him something brief: "My weekend was good hope you had a good one!" Then ignore most of his messages from now on. He should get the hint. PS: Two unsolicited messages on FB is NOT "borderline stalking". (Remember tuxedo cat ACCEPTED his request, and actually "LIKED" one of this guy's updates. Perspective everyone...) Good response This is the best way to handle it imo.
Shaun-Dro Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I work part time as a barista at a busy cafe. One of our regulars is this mid-forties lawyer who comes in almost daily and orders a specific drink. He's alright but not my type. He seems a little boring and I don't think we'd have much in common; plus he looks about 15 years older. I didn't really get a creepy vibe from him in person, though. I've been friendly to him but not *that* friendly...just polite, so I was surprised when I received a fb request from him the other day. I foolishly accepted it. I went to his profile and noticed he only had three friends and no photo. It looked as if he had just created a profile to add me. A few minutes later he made a post on my wall joking about overdosing on his favorite espresso drink. It was a lame attempt at humor but I "liked" the post out of politeness. He asked a question in the post that I didn't answer. I thought that'd be hint enough. A few hours later he sent me this: Hi Tuxedo, Thanks for accepting my friend request. You can probably tell from my profile that I don't use Facebook. Still, I wanted to say hello to you. Have a good night. (I'm never up this late.) Best, ----- I did not respond to this message. The next day he didn't come in to the cafe which was unusual. Today I get this: I had an iced chai around 6 pm this evening. [Male barista] is a good guy, and the two new guys seem pleasant enough. Nevertheless, the chai lacked the magic to which I've grown accustomed. I hope you are having a nice weekend. Any fun plans? I'm getting really irritated at this point. Should I respond and if so what should I say? I have no interest in him but I also have to see him at work so I don't want to be rude. Everyone else there has a rapport with him so it would be weird if I brushed him off. How old are you? 15? There's no reason to get your panties in a wad over an older guy acting sociable. Not once has he asked you out, or better yet, asked for your cup size, so chill out. If you don't want to talk to him, just cut him loose from your friend's list. 1
Lansing Posted September 3, 2013 Posted September 3, 2013 I am getting in the late 30s range, I have made friends with girls 8+ years younger than me, and I have dated a girl 8 years younger than me and 9 years younger than me (although the 9 years younger was like 5 dates). Anyway, I make friends with older and younger people and I am not "ageist" in that sense. With regards to being friends with younger girls I try to make it clear that I am just looking for a friendship if I sense the girl has good energy and is fun but from time to time I end up liking the girl more and develop a bit of a crush on her. Worked well with my last gf, even if I am not "trying" to date younger people it just turns out that way. I think it is weird that he did add you on FB vs trying to talk to you at work. I think a quick "great weekend, bye" type message as suggested above it the best course of action. Sometimes I haven't told a girl "Hey, I just want to be friends" because I didn't want to make it awkward that I would even think about dating them so I just assumed they knew that I was being friendly. Sometimes I think people misunderstand my intentions though.
Els Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I get why you're annoyed; I'd either just ignore or use the boyfriend tack suggested by Gaius. I'm sure you already know this, but in the future, no more FB friending customers!
Author tuxedo cat Posted September 4, 2013 Author Posted September 4, 2013 Update: he stopped coming in to the cafe. Phew. I accepted his fb invite because I wanted to avoid awkwardness but that ended up making the situation worse. Lesson learned.
Phoe Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 I personally don't think he's done anything creepy. OP is totally entitled to not being interested though, best option is to just remove from friends list. 2
Els Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Update: he stopped coming in to the cafe. Phew. I accepted his fb invite because I wanted to avoid awkwardness but that ended up making the situation worse. Lesson learned. Good lesson, that. Glad he's stopped bugging you, OP.
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