moon Posted November 14, 2004 Posted November 14, 2004 Here's my story. Kind of long....sorry. Well, my boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. We had had a mostly long distance/on and off relationship that started four years ago. We met while traveling and had a sometimes rocky, sometimes romantic, other times chaotic, but definately memorable and fun time for about four months when we first met traveling. We lived together through the duration of our travels. We carried on when we both got to our prospective homes, about 500 miles away from each other, for another eight or nine months, but the guy never really seemed like he wanted to commit. I also was busy traveling and doing my own thing. I always thought he had a weakness for other ladies, too. I never really had hard proof, but I thought he was sleeping around during our long distance relationship. I didn't freak out about that because I didn't exactly know what we were doing anyway. So about a year after we had met, I initiated a break up. I basically said we need to be in one place and have a "real relationship" or we are done. We didn't jump at the bait.....so I kept my word and stopped all contact. We didn't speak at all for over a year, until low and behold one day I get an e-mail from him. Later he tells me that he had been in jail for most of the time we hadn't talked. He has a problem with depression and got into some fights while drunk and landed in jail. I, for some reason, felt horribly sorry for him, especially when he told me he had also experienced suicidal thoughts. We carried on for about three or four months with an on and off again relationship and some visits at that time. I finally decided to flee the country again because he seemed like he wasn't totally "in to" the relationship with me. He also told me he loved me, but wasn't "in love" with me. Enough said.....I left the country and just sent him a few e-mails for the next few months telling him my address or whatever, but nothing too personal. Shortly after my move, the guy becomes totally in to me again and wants to see each other and talk all the time. I decided to visit him for a week during the holidays. We got along okay during that time, but he's an alcoholic (trying to recover) and we fought about drinking mostly and other women. He told me he wasn't seeing anybody, but he had a few f*ck budies. Well, that was enough for me. But on the day I was to leave to go back abroad we had a good talk and he promised to stay "true" to me and keep up the LDR. I agreed because I was grasping for something at that point. We had known each other on and off for three years at that time. For the next few months of me being gone my guy would go through on and off periods of wanting to talk to me. He lost his job and was drinking again. I continued to call him maybe once a week or twice a month. I was totally suspecting that he was possibly seeing other women. It was driving me crazy, but I knew in a way he couldn't exactly have me at the time because I was a long plane ride away from him. We continued to talk here and there and then all of sudden I realized that I was getting on in my years and needed a confirmation from him if we were or were not going to be together in the future. I gave him an ultimatum. I said I would be willing to move to where he is living or we should just end contact. After a few weeks discussing this, we agreed to do this. He seemed really into it and we decided to move to another city together, where he used to live. After a while we decided to live together. We talked on and on every day about how great things would be. Sometimes we would have fights when he started drinking again (he was sometimes in AA and sometimes not), but we seemed to be doing okay. Maybe once or twice he broke up with me again because he was confused and then he would always call back again and resume things. Well, months passed and things were good between us. I finally felt like we were going to be a real couple. At the end of this past summer I was finished with my job abroad (after a year being gone) and I did about a month of traveling. My boyfriend was restless about when I was going to finally get to him. He was really wanting me to come to him. I finally got back to my hometown and stayed there for a few weeks to recover from jetlag. In the mean time my boyfriend started telling me about his new next door neighbor, who he would hang out with sometimes. But he assured me that she was just a friend. I started freaking out. He actually took her away for the weekend before I got down to his place and promised me nothing happened. I was livid. We started having fights about this and other things and then I finally moved down to where he was living because we decided to give it a try anyway. We got along for the first couple of days and then we started fighting about ex girlfriends and drinking. In the mean time his next door neighbor was giving ME relationship advice and telling me to move on because our relationship was so dysfunctional. They seemed to have a real spark for one another, but I was in denial about seeing it at the time. I finally did move out, but not with out telling him off at his apartment complex where everybody could hear. I moved into another apartment and then my boyfriend proceeded to dump me and tell me he didn't want to see me again. I found out a week later that he'd hooked up with the neighbor and was dating her. I have heard nothing from my ex in about a month. I sent him some nasty e-mails and left hateful messages on his machine---but no response. I haven't even tried to contact him in three weeks. I feel so upset about this and wonder when I will get over this. How can this other girl just move on it like this? How can my ex do that? They only knew each other for about 5 weeks before I came. I just don't get it!!! Has anybody else experienced this? I guess I just felt like I had to tell my story. I am starting therapy tomorrow. I need to work through some of these issues. But the hurt just feels so strong. I feel so betrayed. And he is trying to make it seem like it is my fault that we broke up because I was the one who was gone so much and I was the one starting all the fights about ex-girlfriends. What a jerk! Mean while I am totally depressed and he is happy with his new girlfriend (probably) and new apartment. A women had never really come between us before. I guess he just really wanted to get out of the relationship with me...don't know. But we always went running back to each other for years and years. It is so crazy that this all happened like this. Thanks for listening!! Sorry this is so long.
bluechocolate Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 I found out a week later that he'd hooked up with the neighbor and was dating her. Let her have him. Re-read your post - this guy has a drinking problem, spends time in jail for picking fights in bars, loses his job, had a few f*ck buddies. Good riddance to bad rubbish - that's what I say.
Author moon Posted November 15, 2004 Author Posted November 15, 2004 blue chocolate, I know when I finished writing that post I realized that my relationship sounds pretty pathetic. I guess because I was making efforts to break it off and he was running right back to me, I thought we maybe had some hope. Plus remember that this relationship spans across four years, so of course there were many good times, too. And I was away traveling a lot. But seriously, yes, when I read over my post (and the gist of what I was saying) it is a wonder I was thinking things would work out at all. Yeah...good riddance to him! One thing I can say is, my ex and I spent about five days together at "our" new place (now only his). And I had a chance to talk to the neighbor girl. I didn't at that point even think they were really going to hook up. My boyfriend and I had a fight and I happened to sit down and tell this girl what a cheater my boyfriend was and how he's an alcoholic. She seemed sort of surprised by that and was kind of defending him....saying I've never seen him really drunk. Well the guy has two DUIs and a felony conviction for drinking and fighting and he's always got a 12 pack in the fridge....What does that say about him? Anyway, so I even told her this stuff and she still went for him.....so I hope their union explodes one day. I don't think it is a question of if, I think it is a question of when. What a stupid girl. I spent years running from this guy and this girl is blind to ALL his faults. I don't think she knew him very well at that point because she'd just moved in recently and my boyfriend was trying to maintain himself as "taken" with pictures of me all over the house. So I guess the girl just thought he was a one woman man (probably looked pretty good to her).....and didn't see his faults. But they are there and when she's caught in the middle of one of his drunken brawls she'll get it. If my ex hadn't been so damn cute I think he'd be very alone. Thanks for the advice.
bluechocolate Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 If my ex hadn't been so damn cute I think he'd be very alone. Well he sounds like a pretty lonely guy none-the-less & looks don't last forever - who's gonna want an old & ugly drunk? remember that this relationship spans across four years, so of course there were many good times, too. I figured as much - but eventually for some people the good times get canceled out by all the other accumulated crap. I spent years running from this guy and this girl is blind to ALL his faults. It took you a few years to open your eyes. She's had fair warning - maybe the next time he gets arrested while drunk your words will ring in her ears.
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