shortee Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I don't know what to do. Last night, we had a fight and I went to work. When I came back home, he was just gone though his stuff is still here. He didn't come home last night or today. I didn't sleep at all last night. I've been calling and texting all day and his phone is turned off. I went to his work and he was not there either. I don't know what to do. Should I call the police?
crederer Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Calm down. I know you mean well but you're going to be perceived as acting like the crazy woman. He'll come back to get his stuff soon. I'd give it another day or two before you file a missing person report. I mean,.......if he's simply trying to avoid you and clear his head, and you call the cops on him, that would look hella crazy.
NoLeafClover Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I don't know what to do. Last night, we had a fight and I went to work. When I came back home, he was just gone though his stuff is still here. He didn't come home last night or today. I didn't sleep at all last night. I've been calling and texting all day and his phone is turned off. I went to his work and he was not there either. I don't know what to do. Should I call the police? OMG... you killed your boyfriend 1
Zahara Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Does he have friends (close) that you may believe he could be staying with or family that you could ask?
Author shortee Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 But how do I know if he was upset and got in an accident or something bad happened? We were fighting and I left for work. I don't want to come off as crazy, but it's very upsetting that he hasn't come home last night or today and he won't even answer a simple text about where he is and if he's ok. Anyway, I called his mother because I was worried. His mother says she's going to see if she can contact him. If not, then we will go to the police. It's really not like him to just disappear and not say anything.
Balzac Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Not your first fight but I'm betting its your final fight. Called his mom and he's not been out of contact for 48 hrs. W0W!
Zahara Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Not your first fight but I'm betting its your final fight. Called his mom and he's not been out of contact for 48 hrs. W0W! They are in a relationship. Fight or no fight, you can't disregard your partner in such a way whereby you fall off the radar. What he should do is tell her he needs some time to cool off and that he's okay. You don't shut off your phone, don't come home and keep someone wondering. I am sure if you were in a relationship and your girlfriend went missing after a huge fight, whether it was more or less than 48 hours, you'd suffer just as much anxiety over it. 3
Author shortee Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 His mother called the hospitals and she called his phone a few times. She's still waiting to hear back. I stopped calling and texting him. I figure he's not going to answer me, but he should answer his mother if he's ok. He shouldn't be so mad at me. The fight was over something really stupid. I talked to my ex at work and we got into an argument about it. I have to talk to my ex at work sometimes. But my bf made it into a bigger deal than it should be. My ex and I were together for less than a year. My current bf and I have been together for 2 years. I hope he wouldn't do something like this over something so stupid!
Zahara Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Yes, don't text or call anymore. You've done all you can. You shouldn't be stonewalled over something that can easily be discussed and resolved. Unless there is more to the story about the ex and that is why BF got so upset and went MIA?
Author shortee Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 His mom just called me and told me she heard from him about an hour ago. He's at a friend's house. She said he asked to sleep at her house tonight. She told him to call me and let me know he's ok. But he hasn't called me yet. Should I call him or go to his moms house and try to work things out? It's an hour drive, but I have to work early tomorrow morning.
Omei Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 No hes at a friends house, you know hes safe. NOW LISTEN veryyyy carefully if you want any chance at all, leave him 100% alone if you want any hope for him to miss you. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 He's safe, so leave him alone. Don't be the crazy girlfriend. 1
Author shortee Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 I'm glad he's ok, but I just feel like what he did was wrong. He needs to be a man and come back and tell me what's going on. It's just not right to keep me in the dark this way. If he wants to be in this relationship, he can't just leave with no explanation. He could at least call me.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I'm glad he's ok, but I just feel like what he did was wrong. He needs to be a man and come back and tell me what's going on. It's just not right to keep me in the dark this way. If he wants to be in this relationship, he can't just leave with no explanation. He could at least call me. Tell him that when he does contact you. But badgering him isn't going to have any positive effect right now.
Keenly Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 You know... burning man is going on right now. Just saying. 1
Author shortee Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 He still didnt call me. I called his mom and she told me he stayed there last night. She said he has a lot of stress right now and he left again. She didnt know where he went. The rent is due tommorow and he needs to pay his half. I texted him "when are you coming home? Rent is due!". Still no answer. I think he may be at work right now. I have to work soon. Should I skip work to go find him?
BC1980 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Leave him alone if you want any chance. Also, do you want to be with someone who doesn't even give you the decency of a call or to pay their share of the rent? That's fine to need space, but I think he should have told you first since you live together. He wants space because fighting causes stress. Understandable. I'm betting this isn't your first fight. So you calling him non-stop actually adds to his stress and reinforces the idea that he needed space to begin with. See how it works? 2
Simon Phoenix Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 He still didnt call me. I called his mom and she told me he stayed there last night. She said he has a lot of stress right now and he left again. She didnt know where he went. The rent is due tommorow and he needs to pay his half. I texted him "when are you coming home? Rent is due!". Still no answer. I think he may be at work right now. I have to work soon. Should I skip work to go find him? No. You need to just let him come back on his own and then calmly discuss the situation when it happens.
Author shortee Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Leave him alone if you want any chance. Also, do you want to be with someone who doesn't even give you the decency of a call or to pay their share of the rent? That's fine to need space, but I think he should have told you first since you live together. He wants space because fighting causes stress. Understandable. I'm betting this isn't your first fight. So you calling him non-stop actually adds to his stress and reinforces the idea that he needed space to begin with. See how it works? I did not start the fight and did not cause him stress. He is the one that started the fight. I didnt want to fight, so I left for work. And I did not call him non stop when I knew he was ok. I called his mother only a few times. What am I supposed to do If he doesnt call or come back. At least he can pay his half of rent. I need to find him to get it. I might go to his moms after work to see If he is still there.
Sparkle304 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Ok......this may be harsh, but you need to calm down. You're in panic mode right now (and most of here on LS have been there). You're facing many many more months or even years of this drama, if you don't drop this loser. He does not want to be with you. Think of it this way: you are addicted to him like he's your drug. You need him, you want him, you have to have him......BUT HE'S NO GOOD FOR YOU!!!! Does it ever turn out well for those addicted to drugs? Not usually.......and those who break their dependency have a looong, hard road to recovery. You need to start recovery....now.
Author shortee Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 (edited) He isn't like that. We have had arguments before and resolved them no problem. In the 2 years we have been together, he has never run off on me. He is generally a really nice guy and only gets really upset when he's stressed out. So I came home from work and some of his clothes and some other things were gone. He didn't leave a note, a text, money for rent-nothing. I called his mom to find out if he was there. She told me he got fired from his job and then left to go stay with his brother who lives 3 hours away. She didn't say how long he would be there. I'm not surprised he got fired as he was having problems at his job. His mom said he was under a lot of stress and I should give him some time. She also said, she would pay half the rent for me. I'm thinking I should take the day off tomorrow and go to his brothers just to talk to him. He can do whatever he wants. Just tell me. I really think I should know what's going on. In fact, I just texted him "Either we work this out or break up with me to my face and tell me what's going on. I deserve to know what's up!" Edited August 31, 2013 by shortee
JDPT Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I understand what you are saying as I was in a very similar situation as you are in and you need answers. I can agree that he isn't making this any easier by disappearing on you. However, he will eventually return and at that point you can start setting serious boundaries or perhaps decide to part ways. But you need to first relax, I understand rent is due and I'm certain he is aware of that. He will contact you shortly. 1
BC1980 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I did not start the fight and did not cause him stress. He is the one that started the fight. I didnt want to fight, so I left for work. It only matters if he thinks you caused him stress. If he thinks the relationship is too stressful, that's his opinion. I agree that he needs to find the b*lls to tell you to your face about what he wants to do. However, I will caution you on going to see him. You can't force him to tell you anything, and going to see him is probably going to have the opposite effect of what you are looking for. I think you do deserve answers, but I don't think he is going to give you any if you go looking and try to force him. Pushing more usually meets with more resistance. Ultimatums never work. The best thing you can do is totally ignore and leave him alone. You need to ask yourself if you want to be with someone who will just up and disappear if he is stressed. When he reappears, well, you will take it from there, but, to me, this behavior is unacceptable. This is really immature behavior, or this is the rudest way ever to break up with someone.
BC1980 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I'm thinking I should take the day off tomorrow and go to his brothers just to talk to him. He can do whatever he wants. Just tell me. I really think I should know what's going on. In fact, I just texted him "Either we work this out or break up with me to my face and tell me what's going on. I deserve to know what's up!" I know you are in panic mode, and it's normal after what just happened. But you cannot go to see him or contact him. You must remain emotionally in control to have the upper hand. No more texting with ultimatums. Don't even call him mom.
Author shortee Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 I know you are in panic mode, and it's normal after what just happened. But you cannot go to see him or contact him. You must remain emotionally in control to have the upper hand. No more texting with ultimatums. Don't even call him mom. I have to talk to his mom because she is the one helping pay the rent right now. If not for her, I'd probably be evicted. I had half the rent and he was to pay the other half. I already went over to get it and she is very supportive. However, I will not contact him until he has the balls contact me.
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