hopefulfaerie Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Writing the letter, good. Sending the letter, bad. Oh well, it's over now. Now stick with NC and stop breaking it. I guess I don't understand why it was so bad either. I'm not trying to look naive or cranky but if it gave her closure and she feels better then isn't that a good thing? If it's because her x might view it in a certain way . Who cares what he thinks!?!??
Simon Phoenix Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I don't understand why sending the letter was bad..it was closure for me. He hasn't responded and I don't expect he will. (I asked for no contact from him unless he wanted a real relationship with me.) He was a good guy and I just wanted him to know that he had an effect on me and now I needed time to heal since he appeared to no longer want to be with me. I'm sadly done with the whole affair. We are clearly over. Because it shows you are on the hook and it makes you look desperate and clingy. You wanted a response and you were disappointed you didn't get one and it did set you back. And I doubt this will give you closure. There will likely be something you forgot to say that will drive you crazy and you'll try to justify recontacting him under that premise because this time, you'll say the right thing to get the response that you desired. If it gives you closure, that's great, but very rarely does that happen. But letters in general are a bad idea to send. Great to write to get your thoughts on paper, horrible to send. But what is done is done. Just don't do it again.
hopefulfaerie Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 So glad you're making the clinic visit, sometimes these life traumas trigger stuff that needs to come out (so I'm finding out for myself)... Its a long wkend so its gonna be tough, in a parallel universe he & I are together having a wonderful time during this summer holiday (deep sigh)--but I'm trying hard to stop entertaining thoughts like that ANYMORE. I gotta move on from this!! You and I both!!! This may sound weird but I can't wait until summer is over! I was dumped (well, not really.he didn't even give me the courtesy.just disappeared) at the beginning of the summer. I keep thinking of all the stuff we were supposed to do. Or really hoped we would do. Anyway, Labor day is pretty much the last of "it" I didn't put too much thought into the fall and winter holidays. Well, a little maybe but by Christmas I should be over it I HOPE!!! Doesn't seem like that but I'll be MUCH better than now. As for New Years, I can't even let my brain IMAGINE!!! Makes my stomach hurt. Hang in there!! You are a warrior!!! 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 You and I both!!! This may sound weird but I can't wait until summer is over! I was dumped (well, not really.he didn't even give me the courtesy.just disappeared) at the beginning of the summer. I keep thinking of all the stuff we were supposed to do. Or really hoped we would do. Anyway, Labor day is pretty much the last of "it" I didn't put too much thought into the fall and winter holidays. Well, a little maybe but by Christmas I should be over it I HOPE!!! Doesn't seem like that but I'll be MUCH better than now. As for New Years, I can't even let my brain IMAGINE!!! Makes my stomach hurt. Hang in there!! You are a warrior!!! yeah what was gonna be a great fun summer for me of being single and dating became just a nightmare of heartbreak & misery, go figure normally I love love summer, but this one has just been a backdrop for my pain.. I appreciate being seen as a warrior but really I feel more like a worm. I'm glad you're looking towards the future & winter holidays that shows you are indeed moving on!! Keep it up, look forward not behind!
hopefulfaerie Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 yeah what was gonna be a great fun summer for me of being single and dating became just a nightmare of heartbreak & misery, go figure normally I love love summer, but this one has just been a backdrop for my pain.. I appreciate being seen as a warrior but really I feel more like a worm. I'm glad you're looking towards the future & winter holidays that shows you are indeed moving on!! Keep it up, look forward not behind! You are NOT A WORM! Just human!! Seriously I have handled things FAR from perfect in my nightmare! Did a couple things I regret but when I think about it, everything I did was because I let myself care so much. Would never want to change that about myself even if it makes me vulnerable to heart break. 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 You are NOT A WORM! Just human!! Seriously I have handled things FAR from perfect in my nightmare! Did a couple things I regret but when I think about it, everything I did was because I let myself care so much. Would never want to change that about myself even if it makes me vulnerable to heart break. well good for you, finally you are starting to forgive yourself!! 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Because it shows you are on the hook and it makes you look desperate and clingy. You wanted a response and you were disappointed you didn't get one and it did set you back. And I doubt this will give you closure. There will likely be something you forgot to say that will drive you crazy and you'll try to justify recontacting him under that premise because this time, you'll say the right thing to get the response that you desired. If it gives you closure, that's great, but very rarely does that happen. But letters in general are a bad idea to send. Great to write to get your thoughts on paper, horrible to send. But what is done is done. Just don't do it again. Yeah I might still be clingy, hard to help that, i still really like him But I can guarantee at this point, there is nothing more I can say. He's gone and now I'm gone too. What we had is no more, plain & simple.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Yeah I might still be clingy, hard to help that, i still really like him But I can guarantee at this point, there is nothing more I can say. He's gone and now I'm gone too. What we had is no more, plain & simple. If you stick to that, fine. Most people in your position don't though, hence why writing letters is a bad idea. But if you truly are going to go NC and stay away to heal, then it's not that big of a deal. I just have a feeling we're going to get a "What if I try this?" type thread from you in a couple weeks. Hope I'm wrong.
hopefulfaerie Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 well good for you, finally you are starting to forgive yourself!! That and I am a TOTAL SAP! LOL!!! Can't wait to meet someone better who will appreciate it! Seems hard to imagine now but if I ever find " the one" and get to feel all of those magical feelings I will never take that for granted! But, that seems pretty far off right now. I definitely don't want to take this crap into a healthy relationship. Whatever that is Just kidding!
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 If you stick to that, fine. Most people in your position don't though, hence why writing letters is a bad idea. But if you truly are going to go NC and stay away to heal, then it's not that big of a deal. I just have a feeling we're going to get a "What if I try this?" type thread from you in a couple weeks. Hope I'm wrong. I can understand why you might say this, but hopefully in a couple of weeks I'm here saying maybe I can try dating again (that is me being my most hopeful about my future..) He and I are sadly done.
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Can't wait to meet someone better who will appreciate it! Seems hard to imagine now but if I ever find " the one" and get to feel all of those magical feelings I will never take that for granted! and maybe that's what you had to learn (sadly) from what has happened to you..
Recommended Posts