I see the writing on the wall..

[Brown-Eyez]

Barky was right. All it took was a couple sympathetic friends encouraging me to text him back and I did.

 

That was 2 days ago, and just as everyone predicted he did not respond.

 

But I didn't completely ignore all the heartfelt advice regarding my 'textbook case' of obvious rejection & possibly then just being treated merely as an option in the future.

 

I sent him a good bye letter asking him not to contact me anymore unless he wanted to be in a real relationship with me.

He didn't respond so that's my answer.

 

All those previous days of NC was really just waiting for him to let me know where I stand. Well I got my answer and now I'm closing that chapter in my life.

 

I don't have to count the NC days anymore because we are over and there is no going back. I know he will leave me alone now so there is no more waiting for him.

 

Now I truly walk alone..though right now it feels more like a shuffling along with my head hanging low.

 

I hope in the future I have the strength to maybe risk my heart again but right now I sure can't see it.

[Chi townD]

 

 

I don't have to count the NC days anymore because we are over and there is no going back. I know he will leave me alone now so there is no more waiting for him.

 

Don't count on that...now he may see it as a challenge. He may leave you alone for awhile. But the next time he needs an ego stroke, he'll wonder if the dog is on the leash.

[tbf]

I sent him a good bye letter asking him not to contact me anymore unless he wanted to be in a real relationship with me.

He didn't respond so that's my answer.

Why would you do this after he ignored your text response? This puts the power in his court when post break up, you're the one who needs to tap the power.

 

That's what NC is all about. Holding onto your dignity and frankly, power.

 

If he contacts again and most likely he will to tap off you through ambiguity and button pushing, DON'T RESPOND. Let the douche go and move on.

[Brown-Eyez]

Don't count on that...now he may see it as a challenge. He may leave you alone for awhile. But the next time he needs an ego stroke, he'll wonder if the dog is on the leash.

 

hell no!! I sure hope he respects me more than that but anyway the dog has gone..booked..outta here..that leash is gonna stay slack

 

the pain & misery I've been through is ENOUGH I gotta heal now!

[Brown-Eyez]

Why would you do this after he ignored your text response? This puts the power in his court when post break up, you're the one who needs to tap the power.

 

That's what NC is all about. Holding onto your dignity and frankly, power.

 

If he contacts again and most likely he will to tap off you through ambiguity and button pushing, DON'T RESPOND. Let the douche go and move on.

 

I had to write the letter for me. I had to directly say good bye rather than just letting things be (it felt like a hellish limbo to me).

 

So i actually think (even if its just in my own head-who cares?) that I restored my power by directly telling him I was letting him go.

 

and I've been schooled well by all of you great peeps here on LS, IF he were to contact me in the future I would see through it immediately.

[tbf]

I had to write the letter for me. I had to directly say good bye rather than just letting things be (it felt like a hellish limbo to me).

 

So i actually think (even if its just in my own head-who cares?) that I restored my power by directly telling him I was letting him go.

The letter isn't letting him go. It's back to limbo since you'll be waiting for a response, wishing and hoping he'll come to his senses and want a relationship with you.

 

and I've been schooled well by all of you great peeps here on LS, IF he were to contact me in the future I would see through it immediately.

Good. Stay NC.

[Sparkle304]

Don't feel bad for making contact. Look, everyone has a different point at which he/she finally moves on from a relationship. You've reached your threshold and now realize it's over (harsh I know).

 

Now you need to cry and cry. It is a sad time. Trust me, I understand!!!

 

You will get through this. Why? Because life always moves you forward....

 

Keep posting...

[Brown-Eyez]

The letter isn't letting him go. It's back to limbo since you'll be waiting for a response, wishing and hoping he'll come to his senses and want a relationship with you.

 

No, not waiting for anything, I'm truly done, just needed closure and to let him know where I stood.

 

He knows what he's losing in not being with me and made his choice. I respect that (as painful as it is) and now I'm making my own decisions which are no longer related to him..but for my own well being.

[tbf]

now I'm making my own decisions which are no longer related to him..but for my own well being.

Hold onto this thought. This thought is something to retain in the future, prior to the guy committing. Once committed, you still need a life.

[LifeIsGreat]

For future reference---sometimes the loudest thing you say is nothing at all. Believe it or not, sending letters like this screams that you are not over the person. Don't say you're over him, act like you're over him.... but simply going away.

 

I probably have a bunch of years over most posters here, and have had more break-ups. You can trust me when I say the above.

[Brown-Eyez]

For future reference---sometimes the loudest thing you say is nothing at all. Believe it or not, sending letters like this screams that you are not over the person. Don't say you're over him, act like you're over him.... but simply going away.

 

I probably have a bunch of years over most posters here, and have had more break-ups. You can trust me when I say the above.

 

Of course I'm not over him and my letter said as much, but the point was really for me to say i gotta let go,

 

i don't know why, but it was important to me that he knew I was leaving..

[Chi townD]

Okay....NO MORE CONTACT!!! I don't care what your sympathetic friends have to say about it. They haven't been through the kind of pain that you and we have. Well, that's a stretch... maybe they have. But, they didn't have the benefit of us!

 

Okay, so that door is closed. Done! Now it's time to get your revenge. The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life.

 

First, you need to go out and buy new clothes and get a new hairstyle, something people will notice and like. When people start to say, " Damn! Girl, you look hot!" This is going to help your self esteem.

 

Then, get into a gym, run your ass of on the treadmill and push some weight. Join a spin class, yoga or zumba class. Sleep well and eat right. You'll be working on that sexy hot bod that guys are going to notice. Especially in the gym as you walk by and you notice dude's checking out that tight little butt in them yoga pants as you walk by! This will help your self esteem as well.

 

Then, go back to school. Get that degree and if you have a Bachelor's, then get your Master's or PhD. Keep yourself busy with class work and not what he's doing with his life. Higher education will open up more financial opportunities for you. So, you can afford that nice little townehome in that cute neighborhood and that nice car you've always wanted.

 

Then, get a new hobby. With hobbies, there's usually clubs in your area that you can join with people that have a shared interest. So, join a cycling club, or a running club, or co-ed softball league. Do something and get out there and meet new people.

 

Then, travel! Save up some money and take a trip! Bring some of those sympathetic friends with you. Pick a place that you've always wanted to go to. Save, plan and then....GO!!! Have a blast!!!

 

That's how you get your revenge!

[mtnbiker3000]

Writing = Great!!!!

Sending = Not so great

[Curt2013]

So sorry about this. You deserve better!! Everyone goes about this differently but the end result is the same. NC is the only way to go. I also made huge mistakes.

 

I already posted this on an earlier thread but my ex sent me breadcrumbs 3 times in 1 week (texts). I had a weak moment and then try to call her about 6PM and goes into voice mail so I leave a message saying I wanted to talk about something and that I hoped she was doing well....she never calls me back and finally on the following day I get a text " got your VM, all good here", I respond with " I was calling about possibly going on that hike with discussed 2 weeks ago and also to check and see how you were doing." Since she contacted me several times I stupidly thought she wanted to patch things up so I reached out and proposed we do something outdoors. She responds with "I'm going to a car show with my dad during that weekend, you should go too and bring your brother's old classic". I finally read between the lines and respond with "OK" nothing more. I was pissed and and hurt by her coldness. She said nothing about ME checking on her or suggested any other possible days we could possibly go on a hike. So I'm full on NC now.

 

So pissed and I really don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I'm hurting. GO NC!!!!!!! I am!

[Brown-Eyez]

So sorry about this. You deserve better!! Everyone goes about this differently but the end result is the same. NC is the only way to go. I also made huge mistakes.

 

I already posted this on an earlier thread but my ex sent me breadcrumbs 3 times in 1 week (texts). I had a weak moment and then try to call her about 6PM and goes into voice mail so I leave a message saying I wanted to talk about something and that I hoped she was doing well....she never calls me back and finally on the following day I get a text " got your VM, all good here", I respond with " I was calling about possibly going on that hike with discussed 2 weeks ago and also to check and see how you were doing." Since she contacted me several times I stupidly thought she wanted to patch things up so I reached out and proposed we do something outdoors. She responds with "I'm going to a car show with my dad during that weekend, you should go too and bring your brother's old classic". I finally read between the lines and respond with "OK" nothing more. I was pissed and and hurt by her coldness. She said nothing about ME checking on her or suggested any other possible days we could possibly go on a hike. So I'm full on NC now.

 

So pissed and I really don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I'm hurting. GO NC!!!!!!! I am!

 

yeah I can appreciate your frustration in your situation..but at least you finally saw that she's just not interested, that will save you alot of grief down the line.

 

If there's one thing I've learned through this whole fiasco is that they don't call them 'breadcrumbs' for nothin!

[Curt2013]

Indeed. I wish I had not replied...It's over for me now too. It hurts and I will make sure I feel every bit of this pain so I'm not tempted to EVER again to reply to anything from her. She got her wish in more ways than she's expected. Now I know her initial texts were nothing more than an attempt to make herself feel less guilty.

[hopefulfaerie]

I'm so sorry you are hurting!!!

Yoy have been an amazing sense of support for me (and many others) in the last week or so since I joined LS.

If the letter made you feel better than I think that's all that matters. Just my opinion anyway.

Whatever makes us move on and heal.

It's kinda funny to me but the people here helping me throughone of the worst times in my life are people I will sadly most likely never meet.

 

BUT I will always remember them!!

And I will definitely always remember your strength and courage Brown Eyez!!!!

I for one feel much better and 'safer' for lack of a better word that you are here!

 

Well, I mean I wish you weren't here in pain!!!! Ha ha! But you are making my hellish journey MUCH more bearable!! Thank you!!!

 

YOU ROCK!!!!

[hopefulfaerie]

Oh, forgot to add something. I read this in one of these threads.

Its not mine but I really liked it. It made me cry in a good way. If that makes sense

 

Here's to all us broken hearts, that gave everything we had

 

Something like that anyway. It made me feel better knowing I really did give my whole heart and love to someone. He gave it back in bloody shreds.

Makes him a douche and me (us) even more BEAUTIFUL!!

[Brown-Eyez]

I'm so sorry you are hurting!!!

Yoy have been an amazing sense of support for me (and many others) in the last week or so since I joined LS.

If the letter made you feel better than I think that's all that matters. Just my opinion anyway.

Whatever makes us move on and heal.

It's kinda funny to me but the people here helping me throughone of the worst times in my life are people I will sadly most likely never meet.

 

BUT I will always remember them!!

And I will definitely always remember your strength and courage Brown Eyez!!!!

I for one feel much better and 'safer' for lack of a better word that you are here!

 

Well, I mean I wish you weren't here in pain!!!! Ha ha! But you are making my hellish journey MUCH more bearable!! Thank you!!!

 

YOU ROCK!!!!

 

Thank you so very much hopefulfaerie for your kind words! I've been feeling really down about myself so its nice to see that I brought a ray of light to someone

 

I've been thinking about you and hope you are doing better today, at least better than that awful day when that jerk almost molested you on the side of the road! How are you??

[Brown-Eyez]

Oh, forgot to add something. I read this in one of these threads.

Its not mine but I really liked it. It made me cry in a good way. If that makes sense

 

Here's to all us broken hearts, that gave everything we had

 

Something like that anyway. It made me feel better knowing I really did give my whole heart and love to someone. He gave it back in bloody shreds.

Makes him a douche and me (us) even more BEAUTIFUL!!

 

Here's a quote I read that I am liking right now, "A man's rejection is God's protection."

Who knows what we (you & I) have been spared by not having gotten more involved with these men who left us so prematurely?! sometimes that thought comforts me..

[hopefulfaerie]

Thank you so very much hopefulfaerie for your kind words! I've been feeling really down about myself so its nice to see that I brought a ray of light to someone

 

I've been thinking about you and hope you are doing better today, at least better than that awful day when that jerk almost molested you on the side of the road! How are you??

Doing MUCH better! Thank you!

Still extremely sad but I think that's because I have FINALLY accepted its over.

Going to that clinic next week to see if I need any medication and is indeed this hurt stems from something deeper.

It's weird because I have always been so resilient. I'm 41 so I have had my share of heartbeat and dissapointment.

May as well go see someone and find out though. Couldn't hirt.

 

Thinking of you too:)

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Keep strong!!!

[Brown-Eyez]

Doing MUCH better! Thank you!

Still extremely sad but I think that's because I have FINALLY accepted its over.

Going to that clinic next week to see if I need any medication and is indeed this hurt stems from something deeper.

It's weird because I have always been so resilient. I'm 41 so I have had my share of heartbeat and dissapointment.

May as well go see someone and find out though. Couldn't hirt.

 

Thinking of you too:)

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Keep strong!!!

 

So glad you're making the clinic visit, sometimes these life traumas trigger stuff that needs to come out (so I'm finding out for myself)...

 

Its a long wkend so its gonna be tough, in a parallel universe he & I are together having a wonderful time during this summer holiday (deep sigh)--but I'm trying hard to stop entertaining thoughts like that ANYMORE.

 

I gotta move on from this!!

[saltyfishhead666]

Okay....NO MORE CONTACT!!! I don't care what your sympathetic friends have to say about it. They haven't been through the kind of pain that you and we have. Well, that's a stretch... maybe they have. But, they didn't have the benefit of us!

 

Okay, so that door is closed. Done! Now it's time to get your revenge. The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life.

 

First, you need to go out and buy new clothes and get a new hairstyle, something people will notice and like. When people start to say, " Damn! Girl, you look hot!" This is going to help your self esteem.

 

Then, get into a gym, run your ass of on the treadmill and push some weight. Join a spin class, yoga or zumba class. Sleep well and eat right. You'll be working on that sexy hot bod that guys are going to notice. Especially in the gym as you walk by and you notice dude's checking out that tight little butt in them yoga pants as you walk by! This will help your self esteem as well.

 

Then, go back to school. Get that degree and if you have a Bachelor's, then get your Master's or PhD. Keep yourself busy with class work and not what he's doing with his life. Higher education will open up more financial opportunities for you. So, you can afford that nice little townehome in that cute neighborhood and that nice car you've always wanted.

 

Then, get a new hobby. With hobbies, there's usually clubs in your area that you can join with people that have a shared interest. So, join a cycling club, or a running club, or co-ed softball league. Do something and get out there and meet new people.

 

Then, travel! Save up some money and take a trip! Bring some of those sympathetic friends with you. Pick a place that you've always wanted to go to. Save, plan and then....GO!!! Have a blast!!!

 

That's how you get your revenge!

 

I couldn't quite help giggling at this! I shall think about this while I am in the gym a sweaty bright red mess... I'm working my buns

[Simon Phoenix]

Writing the letter, good. Sending the letter, bad. Oh well, it's over now. Now stick with NC and stop breaking it.

[Brown-Eyez]

Writing the letter, good. Sending the letter, bad. Oh well, it's over now. Now stick with NC and stop breaking it.

 

I don't understand why sending the letter was bad..it was closure for me.

 

He hasn't responded and I don't expect he will. (I asked for no contact from him unless he wanted a real relationship with me.)

 

He was a good guy and I just wanted him to know that he had an effect on me and now I needed time to heal since he appeared to no longer want to be with me.

 

I'm sadly done with the whole affair.

 

We are clearly over.