shanethewolf Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 (edited) Hi everybody, I'm writing her today feeling utter heartache and despair, a feeling like my life has no purpose and there is no light at the end of this dark tunnel. I'm writing this thread to reach out for support and people to talk to as I try to move on. Basically, my girlfriend and I fell madly in love 18 months ago. It was a fairytale romance and we shared the most intense, passionate, romantic and emotional experiences together, as well as incalcuable laughs and fun times. I truly believed I had found my soulmate and she undoubtedly felt the same. She claimed to me and to her family and friends I was "the one" and told me I'm "the best thing to happen to her other than her kids". She was head over heels for me and we had our future mapped out. She had kids who I bonded with and became a father figure to. They adore me and my girlfriend even said she considered me like a father to the youngest. Unfortunately, she needed to finalise her divorce and in the past 6 months this has put immense pressure on her and strained our relationship. We took a break 3 months ago, but she could not live without me, cried for me the whole time, wrote heartfelt letters and we ended up back together. Things were amazing again for a while, but 3 weeks ago the pressure started mounting again as she approached the final court date. One day things were great, then she turned cold on me, stopped saying I love you and made excuses not to see me. Then last night, she sent me a text message saying she needs to break up. Not a heartfelt or difficult message, but the sort you would send to your mate when you can't join him/her down the pub. It was so cold and hurtful. It just explained there's too much going on in her life and I should move on. She'd dropped hints earlier in the week too by changing her profile pic of us on Facebook and removing her relationship status. I'm hurting so much right now and I'm so confused. I just don't understand how she can lose feelings for me so suddenly and after everything we've been through and all the support I've given her, how she can be so cold in dumping me. I keep finding excuses for her, such as the pressure and depression she's going through. She's also taking anti depressants and had her doctor increase the dose a couple of weeks ago. But I don't know if any of these things could explain why she'd just fall out of love with me. But I'm not here to ask how to win her back. I did that before and it was a mistake. Right now, she isn't capable of having a relationship and I can't go through any more of her turmoil. So I'm asking for help coming to terms with the break up and moving on. If anyone can offer support or an insight into what happened, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you for reading. Edited August 30, 2013 by shanethewolf
barky2 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 This girls head is not on straight right now. She's wayyyy to stressed to be in a R with you. You need to give her some serious space. Like NO CONTACT right now. She might not be ready for a year. Don't wait Move on man. Just do nc to greive and get over it. Ull find some girl who has her head on straight. You deserve better Barky 1
Author shanethewolf Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Thank you for the encouraging words. I went no contact last time we broke up and it really helped, so I'm doing the same thing again. Despite the dismissive text, I sent her one last one to wish her the best and to let her know I'm moving on. Last time I went NC she came back, but her problems were not resolved and we made a mistake getting right back into the same situation. So I realise that winning her back is not an option and I really do need to move forward and start picturing my future without her. Unfortunately, it hurts so much how heartlessly she dumped me, like it was just something on her to-do list for the day. It makes me feel like I never mattered to her and even though I should forget it and move on, I feel worthless as a result of that.
barky2 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 A lot of dumpees come on here and post " I don't even know them " or " this is not how they acted" And my response is always the same. They are not the same person when dumping you, nor when they are your ex. They change, or better yet, they shows their true colors. Barky 1
Author shanethewolf Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 I cannot begin to explain what I'm feeling right now. I've just discovered her on a dating site...the one where we met. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and stamped on. I feel like my life has lost all meaning. I can never trust anyone again.
barky2 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Maybe you should read my thread Stay off the g.d internet (besides here of course ) Dude stop. If your looking, you will get hurt. Just stop. Go for a walk. Scream. Do something besides sit there and sulk. Barky 1
llleonidus Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I to felt exactly how you did a little over 2 weeks ago and although people would say it gets better, you'll move on, i didnt want to hear that time was the one thing i couldn't control. However here on ls you have some awesome people who really helped me through it, and i can defo say im heading in the right direction. Block all social media, remove every trace of her from your life. Im had 2 good days now and you will to, as soon as you except ITS OVER, that is the key here, nc is such a powerful tool and the only option you have right now in making your self feel better 1
Author shanethewolf Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Thank you for the support. I definitely accept that it's over now and don't want her in my life. In some ways it's going to help me detach. The issue that's most difficult is the psychological scarring. Of everyone I've met in my life, I trusted this woman more than anyone. I even said to my friends I have no concern of her meeting someone else at the moment because it's not her. I've been with girls in the past and things like this have happened and it's not been such a surprise. I figured I was stupid not to see it, whereas this woman convinced me she was one of the good people of this world. I feel like this is one of those experiences that turn people cold and bitter, distrusting and resentful. I don't want to end up like that, but I don't see how I can possibly trust another human being again.
Sparkle304 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 feel like this is one of those experiences that turn people cold and bitter, distrusting and resentful. I don't want to end up like that, but I don't see how I can possibly trust another human being again. Well, if you don't want to end up like one of those people, then don't. Simple. Everything in life is a CHOICE. Path #1 = you can choose to be distrustful. Path #2 = you can choose to trust. Each path has its pros and cons. IMO, path #2 has the greater possibility of happiness and fun. 1
Author shanethewolf Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Basically, one of the photos on her dating profile was one I took of her kissing my camera. It was taken on a very special holiday in what we referred to as our special place. I have to say, seeing that photo on there was the most hurtful thing anyone has done to me. My friends and family think she did it to get a reaction from me, specifically choosing that photo, expecting I will go on and see it. Well, I asked her about it and we've had an argument. She is trying to say she wasn't breaking up with me, she just needed space, but I was the one who finished with her by saying I agree that we should move on. Then she said how moody and unsupportive I am. In the end she said don't message her and never try to contact her again.
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