Goodbye Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 A little backstory...went NC with MM in the spring after our last visit together. I told him he could contact me in September of 2014 to let me know if he was 1) divorced or 2) reconciled with his wife. He swears up and down that he is divorcing but it is much more difficult for him than ANYONE else because....he has a child. Yes, that story. So, after not hearing from exMM for some time now I get a call in the middle of the afternoon. I debate not answering, but curiosity gets the best of me...perhaps a wave of false optimism too as I thought for a fleeting second that he was calling to say he had figured it all out. I answer and he is sobbing. Sobbing. I start asking what is wrong, assuming the worst, that something catastrophic had occurred, perhaps a death. He gets his breath and tells me that he is having a very hard day. So I now start to think that maybe he has lost his job. He continues to sob and pauses to tell me that he saw some cheezy TV ad that made him think of us and he was flooded with emotion. Yup. He saw an ad for some special "cuddling mattress" I kid you not. Some mattress that enables you to cuddle without cutting off circulation to your limbs. Five months and NOTHING has changed. 5
KentuckyGent Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I know the feeling Goodbye. What do we do to deserve being treated like that? Is it just for their amusement?
tryingto Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I'm sorry Goodbye. My exMM tried to contact me recently too and like yours nothing changed. I know how this one feels and again I'm so sorry. We just have to keep doing what we've been doing because we deserve so much more!!! (((Goodbye)))
Owl Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Next time he calls, tell him to keep looking for a mattress that'll help him find his balls so that he can man up and do what he needs to do. 9
Author Goodbye Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Next time he calls, tell him to keep looking for a mattress that'll help him find his balls so that he can man up and do what he needs to do. Too funny:cool: 1
Author Goodbye Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 As I recall, he lives in a city near me- please, can I smack him for you? You are one of my favs because you are so honest and strong about your story and I hate that he intruded on your life like this- I'd love for someone to smack him. That would require buying an airline ticket for me, and I think I'll save my money.
Author Goodbye Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Know what? I have a child and I had no problem divorcing my husband. Want to know why? Because our relationship sucked. It was awful. Horrible. People who are on the fence about divorcing probably dont have that horrible of relationships. So how did the rest of the conversation go? Cuddle mattress ....smfh Mj...yes, the "I can't leave because I have a child" thing always kills me. I am a divorced mom with 3 daughters. I could see him trying to make the "You don't know how hard it is when you have kids" argument to a single woman...but to a divorced mom? I told him to pull himself together and honor our agreement. 2
LimeBlue Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I love your last sentence - "Five months and NOTHING has changed." Something about it tells of your resolve around this, I love it. It also makes me think about my past PA, and how in all these years NOTHING has changed in his life. Plenty has changed in mine, but he literally is doing the same thing day in, day out, as he was all those years ago. Then enter my EA which still hurts me terribly, but reading your post now has me wondering if in a years time from now I will be looking back on his life and saying "14 months and NOTHING has changed." Perhaps it is because my life is on the up, and I am not sitting in a corner crying over his rejection (sometimes it is tempting though because I do so care about my EA partner in a genuine manner), but I find your post most empowering! I just love looking back and seeing how far I have come, and yet they sit in the same space. 1
Author Goodbye Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 <<<Google's cuddle mattress>>> vimeo.com Hope you can improve your circulation all the while cuddling to your heart's content.
BruisedBNBroken Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Oh Goodbye, I'm so sorry. Selfish selfish selfish. You are in such a good place, hope the call didn't ruin it. A cuddling mattress?? Really?? I don't even know what to say. How did the conversation end and how are you feeling about it?
Speakingofwhich Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I am so sorry, Goodbye. I understand what you are going through as I have been through similar. I know it is hard to see someone you love so deeply in such pain and know you can relieve it by opening your life to him again. But, do you find that in one way it makes it easier to be apart when you observe his lack of strength and courage to do what is right? Don't you just know deep in your heart that you must have a man you respect? Someone who can stand up to whatever life offers with the power of determination to do what is right and who will fight to the end for you and for the love you share? Somebody strong? A real MAN! That's what I'm holding out for! If my exMM decides to be that, great! If not, I'll be fine! I want/need/expect a man, not a noodle! (Imagine "noodle" in willy nilly font!) You are doing great, Goodbye! Now just continue on your pathway of freedom! Go for the GOLD and you will have it! 2
Author Goodbye Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Oh Goodbye, I'm so sorry. Selfish selfish selfish. You are in such a good place, hope the call didn't ruin it. A cuddling mattress?? Really?? I don't even know what to say. How did the conversation end and how are you feeling about it? BnB, the conversation ended quickly. Fortunately, he caught me when I was very busy so I couldn't even entertain having the "how have you been" conversation. I am okay today. Every time you let them back, even for a second, it does take a little toll. I debated browsing his FB today, but so far have refrained. It took me a while to wean off that habit, don't want to start up again. What I really need to do is go on a date with a single guy, but sadly, no prospects.
trailrunner1975 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Should have told him it's worth the money. That your new boyfriend has one and none of his "limbs" lose circulation EVER, and that you are thoroughly pleased with it's performance. All kidding aside I wish you strength to keep a walkin' away. 3
Author Goodbye Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 No offense but that mattress looks totally uncomfortable. Oh really? I didn't look at it too much. It looked like it had lots of slots for stuff to get lost. Or for cat hair to accumulate in my case...as I'm turning into a cat lady due to all of this.
Red Wolverine Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 A little backstory...went NC with MM in the spring after our last visit together. I told him he could contact me in September of 2014 to let me know if he was 1) divorced or 2) reconciled with his wife. He swears up and down that he is divorcing but it is much more difficult for him than ANYONE else because....he has a child. Yes, that story. So, after not hearing from exMM for some time now I get a call in the middle of the afternoon. I debate not answering, but curiosity gets the best of me...perhaps a wave of false optimism too as I thought for a fleeting second that he was calling to say he had figured it all out. I answer and he is sobbing. Sobbing. I start asking what is wrong, assuming the worst, that something catastrophic had occurred, perhaps a death. He gets his breath and tells me that he is having a very hard day. So I now start to think that maybe he has lost his job. He continues to sob and pauses to tell me that he saw some cheezy TV ad that made him think of us and he was flooded with emotion. Yup. He saw an ad for some special "cuddling mattress" I kid you not. Some mattress that enables you to cuddle without cutting off circulation to your limbs. Five months and NOTHING has changed. I was worried when I saw the story unfolding but so happy that you saw it for what it was. You didn't read into it. See how far you've come? Fantastic. I'll call and sob. Yep, that will work.
Red Wolverine Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I told him to pull himself together and honor our agreement. That says it all. BRAVO!!!!!
Red Wolverine Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 No offense but that mattress looks totally uncomfortable. It's an affair mattress. While it might have a catchy name, it really leads to aches and pains. 1
Author Goodbye Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 It's an affair mattress. While it might have a catchy name, it really leads to aches and pains. Totally an affair mattress. When in an affair you have your small time consolidated in bed and injury results. That way when he returns to his wife he doesn't need to make up reasons for sore joints and muscles from prolonged periods of cuddling. 1
veryhappy Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Can I point out that it's not September yet? Your wishes have zero value, because he was having a hard day knowing he won't do anything to be with you. You can take his call as "nothing changed and nothing will". I have to admit this is one of the best threads I've read in a long time. I don't want to discount your pain, but its entertaining value is immense. Cuddling mattress... These MM can be amusingly silly at times.
ladydesigner Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I told him to pull himself together and honor our agreement. Now that is taking your power back! 1
veryhappy Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I realized now it's September of 2014. He couldn't even do September of 2013. I hope you'll realizelonger deadlines only keep you tangled longer. He'll just procastinate and stress and probably stay married. You are better off with an earlier deadline. Wouldn't it be fun to let him know that any time he breaks contact you're cutting off 6 months and the waiting deadline moved to March?
Red Wolverine Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I realized now it's September of 2014. He couldn't even do September of 2013. I hope you'll realizelonger deadlines only keep you tangled longer. He'll just procastinate and stress and probably stay married. You are better off with an earlier deadline. Wouldn't it be fun to let him know that any time he breaks contact you're cutting off 6 months and the waiting deadline moved to March? If you've followed her story and the clarity Goodbye has reached, I have a feeling September 2014 will be moot. Time apart is the MM's enemy. Without the constant bulls***, it's much easier to see how destructive an affair is. She's edging towards indifference already. 1
crederer Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 What a big baby. Boo hoo, I can't have everything that i want without sacrificing something in my life.
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