seb54 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Hi. First time poster. Im struggling with missing a girl that I spent a few months talking to online etc. I knew her already and we started an online relationship. Im married with kids so obviously shouldn't have done this but it started as just friendship until I suddenly realised I had fallen for her. We were messenging each other constantly from waking till bed. She was considerably younger than me (18) and would make me feel good and give me attention etc. I don't know the full extent of her feelings for me but I know she cared etc. It fell apart a few weeks ago and she said some pretty nasty things to me and sent messages in tears etc. I needed to sort things out with my wife and she didn't want to be other woman. We have not spoken in 2 weeks now. I am trying to sort my marriage and concentrate on the kids but I spend so much of the day missing her. I feel such a fool, I want to move on and be a good husband/dad but can't stop thinking about her and missing her.
keepontruckin Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 You probably won't get much sympathy here, bud. You're essentially asking for advice on how to fix an online relationship, that was supposed to replace your wife, but it didn't work out? And now you want to know how to "fix things" with a pretend online persona, that you want to replace your wife with? Try being a better husband, or just divorce your wife, before coming here with crap like this.
Author seb54 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Ok. Fair point. Not trying to fix anything, I just want to move on and stop feeling like this. But fair point. You can't always control who u fall for, I enjoyed the attention but couldn't take it further. I just want to move on and go back to the person I was b4 this. Sorry
keepontruckin Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Cheaters looking for advice on how to cheat isn't a real strong "theme" here... If you are done with your wife, you deal with that first. Your online "dating problems" can be dealt with after... 1
keepontruckin Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Ok. Fine, sorry I asked. You should be sorry. You're an idiot. 1
keepontruckin Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 And don't have any more children. They don't need to learn and repeat your patterns.
FennecFox Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 First of all, I'd like to extend my sympathy. The posters before me were overly judgemental and didn't even read the full content of your post. Unfortunately short attention spans are the norm here... most issues over two paragraphs don't even warrant a response because nobody can be bothered to read them. Yeah, it was morally wrong and foolish of you to get involved with this girl. Especially considering that you have a wife and children to think about. But you did the right thing by refusing to take things any further with this woman... girl. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? It's rather important to the story. The best way to get over her would be to ask yourself why it happened in the first place. You liked the attention. That says to me that you're not getting the attention at home. Are your children young and taking up a lot of time that you and your wife would have usually spent together? Are their problems in your home relationship? If so you need to look towards fixing these rather than pining for the affections of this other girl. Or were you looking to replace something that you can't get at home? Was it an ego trip because this girl was significantly younger and she wanted you? It's easy to feel trapped by your life, especially with you being married, having children and I imagine owning a home too. Your life is essentially static now. Perhaps you were simply looking for excitement and freedom, a way to make everything feel a little less deterministic? Whenever you're missing her or feeling down please remind yourself that you're important to your wife and your children. That they need you and that you make a far greater positive impact being there and in their lives than you ever did to this other girl.
FennecFox Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 And don't have any more children. They don't need to learn and repeat your patterns. Please stop now keepon, before you make yourself look more of a fool. He never asked how to continue cheating on his wife. He's asking how to get past this in order to be a better husband and father. I'm assuming that you must be absolutely flawless in your decision making and that you've never made a choice that was wrong or regrettable... wait, no I'm not. Everyone screws up. So take the holier than thou attitude and stick it where the sun doesn't shine. You're a dick and you're not helping him. In fact you're more likely to force him back into his old behavior by crippling his feelings of worth in his home life which is most likely where the issues originate from. Man, I'm so much smarter than you are.
Author seb54 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Thanks. That is good advice and all stuff that im trying to do. Im not looking for anything else but just thought writing things down (talking about stuff) would help. Im early 30s so defo should know better, I just enjoyed the attention and was selfish. I completely understand what a fool I have been and I do not want to lose my wife/family. I also know that being selfish completely hurt a young lady who at the end was also trying to do decent thing. I am trying to be positive and appreciate what I have.
FennecFox Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 That's a good approach to take. None of us are saints and I completely understand your situation. Some people forget that it's possible to empathise without advocating. I'm sure that if you continue to focus on the positive side of your family life and keep reminding yourself just how important you are to those people then you will soon feel better. It's easy to forget when something becomes routine but your wife and your children, their lives would be turned upside down without you. You're very important. 1
Soat Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 You were just using this 18 yr old as some sort of dysfunctional psychological outlet. No 33 yr old has any real interest in a 18 yr old child. Get your ass to a good therapist today. Seriously. 1
Author seb54 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 I think we both used each other in differn't ways but yes I am the older person so should have known better. Chat was non-sexual, just company when I think we both felt quite alone. I defo not looking for sympathy here, just thought it would help move on and it has.
Soat Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I think we both used each other in differn't ways but yes I am the older person so should have known better. Chat was non-sexual, just company when I think we both felt quite alone. I defo not looking for sympathy here, just thought it would help move on and it has. That's my point. She was/is an outlet/symptom for bigger issues you're having. Being lonely in a marriage to point of making friends with kids on Internet is a cry that something's wrong. Get some help or this just will get worse. It's not the girl, its what she represents.... 1
keepontruckin Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Please stop now keepon, before you make yourself look more of a fool. He never asked how to continue cheating on his wife. He's asking how to get past this in order to be a better husband and father. I'm assuming that you must be absolutely flawless in your decision making and that you've never made a choice that was wrong or regrettable... wait, no I'm not. Everyone screws up. So take the holier than thou attitude and stick it where the sun doesn't shine. You're a dick and you're not helping him. In fact you're more likely to force him back into his old behavior by crippling his feelings of worth in his home life which is most likely where the issues originate from. Man, I'm so much smarter than you are. He's asking for advice on how to make things work with someone he met online. He's here, on this forum, asking on how to make this work. He is married, and has children. I don't give a God damned about his feelings, nor do I give a God damned about your opinion of me. This forum is full of people that have been burned, had their hearts torn out, and crushed into the ground. I gave him the proper advice. Fix your marriage, or divorce your wife. Once that's done, then come here for online dating advice.
keepontruckin Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 And if I get banned again for speaking the truth, then good. My work here is successful. I may be abrasive at times, but I have limited patience for posters that are having problems with the person they are cheating with... The OP is married, with children. And his concern is an online relationship that went sour? And she's 18 at that? Time to prioritize importances...
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