irc333 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Good friend of mine, female, early 40's and a single mother. She has been on POF dating site for a while and yes I know her in real life through other social circles. She told me she had gotten out of a 1-year relationship with a guy that was totally right for her, was everything she ever wanted in a boyfriend. Respectful, loyal, treated her right, not dramatic I listened rather intently because I'm getting it from a different perspective, from the perspective of a woman (at least someone I know in person). Anyway, she said she had to call off the 1-year relationship because she simply wasn't "feeling it' for him..but, he was head over HEELS into her. Broke his heart, but for she thought it was some problemon HER part that she wasn't attracted. Sometimes on the weekends, when she sent the kids off to her ex-husband, the boyfriend would spend the weekend with her, but by come day 2, she wished she "had her space" as she put it. A nice way of saying, "I don't want him around me anymore". After a few weeks had passed, and online dating wasn't working out, she made a 2nd attempt at dating him...even worse, didn't even last a couple of weeks and she had to end it and NOW she not only lost a boyfriend, but a good friend as well. Do you think it's something HE is not doing to "create" attraction, because she actually thinks there's something wrong with her that she isn't feeling attraction for a man that would be great for her. She said everytime she was with him, it was all boring or stale. Could it be possible that there might be some issues with the person that can't figure out they aren't into someone that's a good match for them? But she said this has been an ongoing pattern with her and all guys she dates, not just this one.
Philosoraptor Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Nothing special needs to be done to create attraction. It needs to happen naturally or it's going to flicker out once that extra effort dwindles down. Some people do have the mentality towards this neverending search for "the next best thing", but even those types snap out of that when they find someone that really sweeps them off their feet.
PJKino Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 He probably simply wasnt good looking enough.The idea that womens turn ons are so much more complex then mens and looks are such a small part is bs She probably wasnt physically attracted to him but she knew he was agood person and gave it a try but realized there was no lust on her end 2
Chocolat Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 My perspective: I'm an introvert and I need a certain amount of down time --time when I am not interacting with anyone. Dating was always challenging due to exactly what your friend expressed -- sleep-overs seem to demand continuous interaction and it would wear me out, no matter how attracted to the guy I was. Not sure if extroverts understand this. Once the relationship has progressed to marriage, it works out, because the it's ok to take alone time. But dating is a bear.
PJKino Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 My perspective: I'm an introvert and I need a certain amount of down time --time when I am not interacting with anyone. Dating was always challenging due to exactly what your friend expressed -- sleep-overs seem to demand continuous interaction and it would wear me out, no matter how attracted to the guy I was. Not sure if extroverts understand this. Once the relationship has progressed to marriage, it works out, because the it's ok to take alone time. But dating is a bear. Im the same way, while i like going out partying and socializing on weekends even when i just go away with friends and were together for even just a few days i fee claustrophobic and cant way till ti ends so i can recharge my batteries and be alone for a few days.It has nothing to do with them being annoying or anything its me. Id imagine if i was in a relationship id feel like that all the time
Author irc333 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Im the same way, while i like going out partying and socializing on weekends even when i just go away with friends and were together for even just a few days i fee claustrophobic and cant way till ti ends so i can recharge my batteries and be alone for a few days.It has nothing to do with them being annoying or anything its me. Id imagine if i was in a relationship id feel like that all the time So, if I"m reading this correctly, you're not relationship material? I knew of a woman like this, she actually lives in "Bumville" like I do, and I'm surprised she's living in the area to be quite honest, but it's her family that keeps her there due to the fact she has job security through her mother's independent insurance company since her early 20's and now in her mid 40's. she ws on POF BUt she had explained to me she's been engaged once, and in a recent serious relationship SHe told me in her engagement the guy kept "stopping by" a little too much, and I was saying, "Um, prepare for it, you're about to be married." Apparenlty, it was an infrigement upon her space and she didn't like him being around a little too much. Also, he was wanting to spend time with her on certain Sat nights when she usually routinely hangs out with her trial biking friends at the local restaurant. I guess he either wanted to join her or wanted her to give up a night, which she iddn't like She was SO accustomed to being single, that any change in her life would compromise her comfort and selfishness. Some people are just too selfish for relationships.
gaius Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Some people really aren't looking for a great partner who's into them. Can be a huge turn off. Nothing wrong with the person, just means they got imprinted with a strange dynamic when their sexuality was developing. If she's even sexual at all. Maybe she's just dating him to give everyone the impression she's not weird since she's dating someone.
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 If it isn't there, it isn't there. If after some time of dating it still isn't there, it won't be there. No ones fault. It is called dating in the real world, where not every relationship works out.
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