joe86 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I know it doesn't matter really, but the day of the BU she clearly knew what she would lose in me because of how touchy & emotional she was. She knew/knows I'm a good guy, and called me "a wonderful man", but it happened anyway and not because of what I'm like. I found myself again in a position with someone who themselves admitted they were "damaged goods", but I think this just makes me more determined to try and help them & make them happy, while ignoring issues myself. Answers can't be had now, but still I need to find a way to cope with that "why couldn't she just ask me to help" type feeling. Just writing this reminds me that she left because it isn't fair on me if she has personal things bringing her down, but I still feel down. Maybe I just need to start some kind of journal on my phone instead of coming here all the time!
TearyEyedPride Posted September 4, 2013 Posted September 4, 2013 Like you said... there really aren't any answers to that question. Just realize that she left and made that conscious choice. Emotionally incomplete people can't feel whole by using other people to fill voids in their life. That's something they have to do for themselves. Many will try to jump from relationship to relationship for a quick fix, but ultimately they have to try to resolve their own issues for themselves.
PR08 Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 I found myself again in a position with someone who themselves admitted they were "damaged goods", but I think this just makes me more determined to try and help them & make them happy, while ignoring issues myself. Serious red flag. Not worth the time.
Oldcatskinner Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Joe86, You are in a position I was in. Let me tell you how it can get worse. In your case as in mine, she told you that it was her and not you, and that you were a wonderful guy. I continued on with it. And in the course, every day it was walking on eggshells. I thought that "just a little more time" and "she'll see that me doing my best for her and being good to her will make her realize" and so on. I continued on this way until it came to a point that I blew up (because I am human also). Now, the present situation is a guy (me) that she told treated her the best and had a good heart reached the breaking point and got mad. Real mad. Not the yelling and physically agressive mad, but the mad that just lets all the pent up frustration out. Even though I knew it was fatal to the relationship, I didn't want to stop voicing my mind. Point being: Don't do anything to paint yourself negatively to this girl. She already told you that it's over. It doesn't matter the reason at this point. Be respectful of what she told you. If what she told you does not match up with how she really feels (and only she will know this), she will let you know or will regret it. You can't do anything about this, buddy. Also, if she is doing this to get you to "fight for her", that is no way to respect a relationship partner and I wouldn't have anything to do with someone like that. Hope this helps. 1
Author joe86 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Thank you guys, especially that input Oldcatskinner. After almost another week things have moved on, we're more LC than NC. I text her last night to ask if she still wanted to meet up for a coffee because this is one of the things she asked post-BU. It was short & sweet, something like; "Do you still want to go for that coffee?" "Yeah, coffee would be ok." (after a few mins) "Ok, I think it will be good to catch up." I'm beyond analysing/thinking about how she feels, so just want to be able to talk. I didn't care that what she said was short, but it at least seemed friendly. Then this morning she text me pretty much as soon as she woke up, apologising for being short with me. I told her it didn't bother me, made a joke about something unrelated and left it at that. I've always been NC in the past with BUs, so I'm not hopeful for this, nor do I have expectations, but I am curious as to what might happen. The time I've had to myself has been a lot better than I expected. Certainly gives me chance to think and I've been able to identify my own problems like I said in the OP.
Oldcatskinner Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 If you decide to meet up with her, the best thing you can do is tell it like it is and not what you think she wants to hear. At the end of the day, whatever may happen, you will be honest with her and honest with yourself. This will pay dividends to YOU down the road, and you will be proud of yourself for it. 1
Author joe86 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 That's one thing I know I can always do. I'm always honest, even if I am very good at hiding my emotions. If we do meet up though, I'd rather take her lead on conversation & avoid talking about what happened because you can't change the past. And the fact I need to see from her how she feels without her being influenced by me. If we have a future, she needs to prove she wants it.
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