compulsivedancer Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Dreams kinda suck...three nights in a row dreams about H. One night I cheated on him, one night he died, one night was a very exaggerated version of my worst gripe pre-affair. Last night it was a dream justifying infidelity (though I think I was cheating on someone other than H). 4 nights I a row. Bleh. I can only imagine what it's like for the BSs.
Spark1111 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 You can't even imagine..... mind movie sex....H and OW...I'd be peering in a storefront window, dressed in tatters as they are having at it....happy, smiling, lustful.... I could have been selling matchbooks in the snow...Worthless. wake up disoriented, sweating, anxious and depressed....no more sleep for that night! the most important thing about dreams ( THANK YOU Freudian trained IC) is not necessarily what happens....but the way what happens makes you FEEL. What are the feelings the dreams provoke? That is what your psyche is trying to scream at you. And that is VERY powerful. How do the dreams make you FEEL?
Spark1111 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Analyze and identify the FEELING. That is very important to your healing. ANYTIME I described a vivid dream in therapy, the therapist took copious notes. There are answers, feelings and healing locked in them. Dream feelings are the key to your soul. Spend some time there, PLEASE.
BetrayedH Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I guess I was lucky in that dreams weren't my problem. But I didn't sleep for like, a year. It was insane. I'd sleep like 3 hours. I'd be thinking about this stuff until I fell asleep and then again instantly when I woke. I would sometimes think for a moment that it was all just a bad dream but then, nope, this is my life now. Sorry to hear you've got such a consecutive run going. Try to get some sleep. 3
ChooseTruth Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Dreams of my Ex bothered me for about a week. Then I posted a thread here and they disappeared Funny that the same thing happened to me as a kid. I talked to someone about my bad dreams, and they vanished suddenly. Tbh I have had a few random dreams about her in the last few months, but rarely. Mostly my dreams are about reconciling, but I've come to my senses in a few of them...
Journee Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Dreams have always plagued me. Some are affair related but mostly I have dreams where people realize that they never loved me. It started with my adoptive mother and father first. They would either together or separately confess that they never loved me and regretted bringing me into their home. This could not possibly ever happen... but somewhere deep inside I carry this constant fear of rejection and feeling of not being good enough. I know it stems back to my biological mother leaving me. I have always had these dreams. Even with my husband I brought all that garbage with me into our relationship and it was only made worse by his cheating. The most frequent dream I had after DDay was excruciating. I was pregnant at the time and I was so afraid that they had planned to take it underground until I had the baby as to try to alleviate some of my stress. That somehow I would be replaced completely. Those fears played out in my dreams often. I am kind of an insomniac as it is. I wake every couple of hours no matter what. Which is only good now because my infant still wakes pretty often though the night. I dream about H finding someone else quite often. Maybe this fear is what keeps me from being able to be %100 present in this reconciliation. It's a defense mechanism. Don't mess with the bull and you won't get the horns. Meh, this sucks.
dichotomy Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I can relate. Had a dream. We were sitting in the house, in a bedroom. We were sitting on the floor legs steteched out towards the very corner of the room, my wife was behind me, holding me from behind. Outside the window I could see a tornado coming towards the home. I kept swearing at her to let me go, she said nothing and would not let go. The tornado hit - we were both sucked up into it ....as I woke up... at 3am. Fun stuff. Been taking some new supplements which can have increase in dream intensities...
LimeBlue Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Many years ago before i had my A, I used to dream about my H having an affair. These dreams went on for about 18 months. Then they suddenly stopped. They were intense, with vivid detail. Not detail about sex, but detail about him taking her for dinner (the dreams never did indicate who she was), and other details about where he would take her and how he would treat her etc. Some of the dreams had detail with him purposefully rubbing his other woman in my face by showing her off to me, and just about trying to bait me into devastation. I would wake feeling incredibly hurt and rejected. Could this indicate that he was actually having an affair? I do wonder, and I did wonder back then too.
Steadfast Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 There are those who believe dreams are powerful indicators. Others simply think it's the brain working through an overload of questions. Isn't it interesting that we all dream differently, but each can relate to the other? I asked a friend about the emotionally troubling dreams I once had about my ex (mostly near the time of our breakup) and he simply responded; "What we think about during the day, we dream about at night". I think that's pretty accurate, but I've had powerful dreams come out of nowhere too. Shaking dreams that made me wonder...what am I missing? Once thing that I can positively say is the 'theme' or overwhelming emotions have changed. Clearly, my dreams mirror my state of mind. For example, the first dreams I had of my ex were a manifestation of what I was feeling while awake; helplessness and grief. I wasn't in control. Someone, or something else was. These days if I dream (of her) I'm an impartial bystander. I'm seeing what's going on, but not emotionally connected. I believe the heart has more to do with dreams than it's given credit for. The most important step I took was to take myself 'off the hook' when it came to dreaming about my ex wife. Often, I'd feel anger or guilt. In time I simply concluded that as my wife I once loved her very much, always will (to a certain degree) and that I can't control the random activity of my subconscious any more than I can control a random itch. It happens. Exercise and a healthy diet did as much for my troubling dream problem as working on my focus. There's no replacement for a healthy balance. 1
ChooseTruth Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Oh, thought I'd share this. I have much more vivid dreams if I go to bed dehydrated. So, I guess there's a balance between having to wake up to pee and being annoyed by vivid dreams I try to hydrate some before bed, but not excessively. Water good for you!
Author compulsivedancer Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 You can't even imagine..... mind movie sex....H and OW...I'd be peering in a storefront window, dressed in tatters as they are having at it....happy, smiling, lustful.... I could have been selling matchbooks in the snow...Worthless. wake up disoriented, sweating, anxious and depressed....no more sleep for that night! the most important thing about dreams ( THANK YOU Freudian trained IC) is not necessarily what happens....but the way what happens makes you FEEL. What are the feelings the dreams provoke? That is what your psyche is trying to scream at you. And that is VERY powerful. How do the dreams make you FEEL? The ones about H were horrible. The one where he died, I woke up panting. I felt utter despair. The third one was a nightmare too. I don't really remember the first one; I think I have the subject matter correct. I think I remember waking up feeling a little guilty, so there must have been something in the dream that I enjoyed (it was early on in the night. I don't really remember the dream, just waking up after it). The last one was mostly just disorienting. It was clear in my mind that it wasn't H I was cheating on, that it was a boyfriend I didn't really care about, and I ended up giving him up for the OM, who also wasn't my real OM. I think this just means I've been reading the OW/OM forum too much. My brain does weird swirls sometimes when I spend a lot of time mulling something over, and it was like the fairy tale version that a lot of the OWs are hoping for.
Author compulsivedancer Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Oh, thought I'd share this. I have much more vivid dreams if I go to bed dehydrated. So, I guess there's a balance between having to wake up to pee and being annoyed by vivid dreams I try to hydrate some before bed, but not excessively. Water good for you! huh. I often go to bed thirsty because I'm too lazy to go get a drink, and the whole waking up to pee thing. But I've never noticed a correlation with dreaming.
Author compulsivedancer Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 There are those who believe dreams are powerful indicators. Others simply think it's the brain working through an overload of questions. Isn't it interesting that we all dream differently, but each can relate to the other? I asked a friend about the emotionally troubling dreams I once had about my ex (mostly near the time of our breakup) and he simply responded; "What we think about during the day, we dream about at night". I think that's pretty accurate, but I've had powerful dreams come out of nowhere too. Shaking dreams that made me wonder...what am I missing? Once thing that I can positively say is the 'theme' or overwhelming emotions have changed. Clearly, my dreams mirror my state of mind. For example, the first dreams I had of my ex were a manifestation of what I was feeling while awake; helplessness and grief. I wasn't in control. Someone, or something else was. These days if I dream (of her) I'm an impartial bystander. I'm seeing what's going on, but not emotionally connected. I believe the heart has more to do with dreams than it's given credit for. The most important step I took was to take myself 'off the hook' when it came to dreaming about my ex wife. Often, I'd feel anger or guilt. In time I simply concluded that as my wife I once loved her very much, always will (to a certain degree) and that I can't control the random activity of my subconscious any more than I can control a random itch. It happens. Exercise and a healthy diet did as much for my troubling dream problem as working on my focus. There's no replacement for a healthy balance. My dreams generally reflect my day and/or the stuff I've been mulling over in my mind, but often in really bizarre ways. For instance, I have been hanging out with a friend named Laura lately, so then I had a dream about one of my best friends in high school named Laura. It's like because the two names are stored closely in my brain, it causes a misfire that activates the wrong person. Or maybe it's my brain indexing its files. An odd little thing: I have very rarely ever had sex dreams, but since the A, I do have them periodically, sometimes with H, sometimes with OM. It actually sucks because with the OM dreams, I enjoy myself, then wake up and feel guilty. I guess ChooseTruth is right, I can only beat myself up so much for what I dream.
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