wideawake0310 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 So I've been seeing this guy for a month and a half now... And we went pretty "fast". Anyways, so this weekend is Labor Day weekend and he hasn't made Any plans with me yet. So I asked him if he wanted to watch the parade on Monday and he said we will play it by ear since he has a list of things that he wants to do this weekend. So I got hurt a bit since he was not even planning on seeing me. So I told him, nvm And I will find things to do. And told him that "you're not part of it since obviously I'm not part of your list". He responded "seriously? You want me to tell you my list? And said that I don't respond well to passive aggressiveness". Was I wrong? We did spend this past weekend together but thought that he might want to spend this holiday with me.
KatZee Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Most emotionally healthy people don't respond to passive aggressive behavior. And that's exactly what you did. I cringed when I read what you wrote him. It's clear it was your intent to purposely hurt him the way you feel he "hurt" you. He's allowed to make plans that don't involve you. You're allowed to feel disappointed but to be so passive aggressive only shows your blatant need for control in the relationship, a co-dependent nature, and someone who doesn't have much capacity for flexibility. You should have just been like, "Oh, you're busy. OK no problem. Lets try to get together next week. Have a great weekend!" Can you hear the difference between what I just wrote, and what you wrote? It's good he called you out on that, because what you said is very nasty. 1
heartshaped Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 You've only been seeing this guy for a month and a half. Your life does not and should not revolve around him. You should've responded with, "It's okay if you have plans, I'll just arrange something else." Then, did so. If he wanted to get together later and you were busy oh well. If you were free, get together with him. Don't be passive aggressive. It's not attractive. 2
nescafe1982 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Agreed with KatZee. I think you owe him an apology. But hopefully you can still catch the parade together and have some great makeup nookie! The good news is that if you do the right thing to fix this, you guys will be closer for it. Edit: oh, wait. 1.5 months? Are you exclusive? I would still apologize but you should also make a very concerted effort to not be clingy with a guy so early on. Make that your new mantra.
Author wideawake0310 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Well after what he said about being passiveaggressive, I told him that "I just thought that maybe you want to spend the holiday together. And I said that I assumed too much, it's my fault".
Leigh 87 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 You really stuffed up. Some guys would break up with you over it. It's really unattractive behaviour. The good news is, you can learn from your mistake and go into damage control. Look, guys like honestly. They hate playing games (well, the decent guys hate games). If you have something to say, say it! Don't act all sulky and passive aggressive. If you felt bad about not seeing him and it actually bothered you, you could have said: " Oh okay you have plans. Well if you get a chance, let me know if you want to catch a parade or two, as I would like to see you if your available" Most women on here with dating experience and who know what their talking about would not go that far, and would simply say as KatZee said: " Oh okay, cool. Well enjoy your weekend and I'll talk to you later" Then they would know that if he was really into them, he would, indeed, contact them again soon to arrange another date. I hope you can see that how you handled this was wrong. I want my guy to spend a lot of his free time with me, opposed to hobbies or seeing his friends or his college work. It is just not feasible though, but if they have, say, 2 free days each weekend off (which not all people do have off and they have to work), then I would want a guy to spend ONE of those days with me. Does he normally see you each weekend? Do you guys live more than an hour away from each other? ...........................................
CherryT Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 You're not exclusive and have only been seeing each other for a month and a half. Your passive aggressiveness served no purpose... what did you want him to respond with? Oh I'm sorry, let me kiss your as*? Being passive aggressive wouldn't have made him hang out with you and you just showed a side of yourself that seems clingy and bratty. If he's been spending the last few weekends with you, maybe he wants to have some balance? Do you know what he's up to? Is family coming to town? You don't know what he's up to and you didn't ask. You just felt entitled to be on that list. If you have expectations of him to treat you like his first priority and girlfriend, you need to set that expectation first because acting that way. If you had the conversation of being exclusive and being bf/gf, then maybe you could expect to have had his time this weekend. But from what you've described, it sounds like you're only dating but not serious yet.
Leigh 87 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 No, you were right... at 1.5 months, if he was really into you, you'd be first on his list, if not the only one on his list. Hold on now. Does he see her during the week? I have a guy that sees me 2 or usually more days during the week. He work most weekends both days, from early afternoon until midnight. If he initiates days during the week to meet her, then he may very well have his "fix" of her. My best friend and her b/f are madly in love and he tends to want to see her every chance he gets. Not all guys are like that though. And even my best friend would still want him to have his own friends or she would be turned off. So the odd day on the weekend away still occurs. She is at the top of his list though. That "List" the guy mentioned. Was it more that he had things to do that he did not normally have to do? Or did he mean it as " well, there are things I WANT to do, and yeah, you are not one of them unless nothing else better comes along:lmao:" OR perhaps he has friends to see, errands to run, and is just plain tired from a busy life, and wanted to rest? It is really hard to just determine of he is just not that into her from this thread alone. We need to know more. How often does he initiate times to see her? Do they live close by? Does he have an insane schedule? .................................
2sunny Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 You're response and chasing after him looks needy. I think it's obvious if you haven't been making plans by mid week or by Thursday - it's safe to assume he's not making you his priority. He has plans - they don't include you...it's a holiday weekend. It may be that someone is in town that he plans to be with - or he is traveling to see someone. I hope you haven't had sex with him.
Author wideawake0310 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 We don't see each other during the week so it's only during weekends that we get to see each other. I apologized last night and he said it was ok but told me that he doesn't like passive animosity and asked me to remember that. I haven't spoke to him or text him today and I think I will leave it at that. You guys r right, I am becoming attached to him so fast and coming across as needy. Not good for him and especially not good for me. So now I'll go on with my life and if he wants to see me this weekend, or not, so be it. I'm not going to run after him. 1
snowflakes88 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Definitely leave it. If this is the same guy you posted about who is still updating his dating profile, I think you are way more invested in him than he is in you. He's still looking to date others, and you should be too. 1
2sunny Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 We don't see each other during the week so it's only during weekends that we get to see each other. I apologized last night and he said it was ok but told me that he doesn't like passive animosity and asked me to remember that. I haven't spoke to him or text him today and I think I will leave it at that. You guys r right, I am becoming attached to him so fast and coming across as needy. Not good for him and especially not good for me. So now I'll go on with my life and if he wants to see me this weekend, or not, so be it. I'm not going to run after him. Stay busy. He may wait a week or two to contact you. I'd be busy then as well. Is your hyper attachment due to sex too soon (if he wasn't asking for a commitment from you)?
RedRobin Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 (edited) I wouldn't have responded like you did.... I also wouldn't have slept with a guy so soon... this is par for the course, really. If a guy did this with me after seeing each other for almost two months, it would be my cue to cool things way, way down. So cool... he'd be starting from square one with me. Resolve in the future not to sleep with a guy until you know for a fact he's not dating/seeing others... is my best advice. Oh, and also resolve not to get angry with guys who do this... it only makes you look desperate. I really think you should cut your losses with this one and move on... When he does finally get around to calling you back, just tell him it isn't working. You are anxious for a reason. He's not invested and you went too soon... toss it in the trash and commit yourself to not invest in guys who aren't investing in you... Edited August 31, 2013 by RedRobin
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