Knoxpwns Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 My story is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/418303-gf-6-years-left-me-her-just-friend Well, I just got a text reading the following.... "Hey, I was wondering if you ever mailed your key back to the main office. I miss you and hope you are doing well. Once I finish moving here in a few days I was wondering if we could talk. Completely up to you though." So, I haven't responded yet. Honestly I'm not really all sure what there even is to talk about. Obviously though, I want to talk to her. I want to contact her. I guess I just never expected her to contact me again, and I barely even know what I do now. Any advice would be much appreciated. I swear I have tried to help countless people on this site in this exact situation, and now that I'm here myself I have no clue where my next step lands.
Author Knoxpwns Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Sit on it over most of the weekend, take a few more days to get your head around it. When you're ready, just answer the question she asked (yes/no, mailed key), and say "Hope the move goes well." Don't acknowledge the other request yet, see if she asks again. Make her sweat a little. Egh, due to some shenanigans a week or so ago my posts take some time to get posted. As a result I panicked and replied. I just said "What is there to talk about? seems like you have everything figured out for the most part. I'm not sure about the key, but it will be fine as long as they have one." Which she should know my key didn't matter. We've moved apartments in the same complex 3 times when we were together. I feel like that was just a topical segway into asking to talk with me. Either way, hopefully a snappy response doesn't make me look weak. Honestly I am very punctual when it comes to replying to people anyways. I hate leaving a text lingering.
Nicoleiia Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Don't reply to her at all. Dumpers reach out with their crumbs all the time. Stay NC and ignore her. Does it really matter to her if you mailed back your keys or not? No. Don't fall for her games. She dumped you and that is the end of it. 1
Chi townD Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 She bad mouthed you, berated and belittled you just to get you to leave so she could be with someone else. And now she wants to talk? Screw that! Move on! I think you've heard enough insults from her. 2
Antares Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 "Completely up to you though" Do you really think if she wanted you back, or had something really important to tell you, she'd leave it up to you to decide? It's like she's really saying...it makes no difference to her at all whether she hears from you or not. It's all up to you. If someone really wanted you back...they would do all they could to tell you. Convince you. Share their emotions with you. They would never leave such an important decision up to chance. I always hate that line so much too. Like; Hey I just dumped you. But we can be friends...it's up to you. It's like she doesn't really care either way. It's up to you. Ignore her. If the keys are that important, mail them back. 3
TrblinMN Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Sounds like she is fishing for something. The whole text is one big lure and you have to ignore it!!!!!!!! She wants to know if you still have feelings for her and replying will only hurt your recovery...especially when she reminds you AGAIN that she does not want to be with you. NO CONTACT!!!!!
Neall Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 "Completely up to you though" Do you really think if she wanted you back, or had something really important to tell you, she'd leave it up to you to decide? It's like she's really saying...it makes no difference to her at all whether she hears from you or not. It's all up to you. If someone really wanted you back...they would do all they could to tell you. Convince you. Share their emotions with you. They would never leave such an important decision up to chance. I always hate that line so much too. Like; Hey I just dumped you. But we can be friends...it's up to you. It's like she doesn't really care either way. It's up to you. Ignore her. If the keys are that important, mail them back. This. This post is all you need really, it is the best post you could get from here. I support this 100%, all the facts are here! 1
Jangles524 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 This is the OP. My main account is post moderated and it takes like 2 days to reply. Eventually my main account will probably post this, but I'm getting more responses than I thought so I got on this one to reply faster.... I ended up replying due to not knowing when my main account would post this thread, and I got caught up in all this and replied. I replied with... "What is there to talk about? Seems like you have everything figured out for the most part. Not sure about the key, it should be fine as long as they have one." The last part, I'm certain she knew. The apartment only needs 1 copy of the key when she moves. She knows this because we had moved 3 times together within the same complex. I sensed that it was just a bull**** topical question to segway into wanting to talk to me. And like many have said, I don't really even know what there is to talk about. I'm not going to lie and say I don't want to talk to her, I really do. but I know nothing good can come of it. As always, Loveshack is right. I'm gonna try to do my best to just forget this little event happened. I'd like to think that my reply back was bare and uncaring enough to get to say I didn't break NC, but I don't really know. I was doing so well staying NC by myself.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 NC is best. But don't worry..you didn't break any rules that go on your permanent record or anything. She wants to make herself feel better...best to let sleeping dogs... If you guys are all settled with the split, you might want to consider eliminating the contact routes by blocking her. You are doing great. IIWII
Chi townD Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Well, if anything you had to respond about the key. That's just unfinished business. But, now that's out of the way. Hard NC.
Jangles524 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Well, if anything you had to respond about the key. That's just unfinished business. But, now that's out of the way. Hard NC. And thats the thing, it was business that was finished before it started. She doesn't need my key, she has one to give to them. She knows it. The whole ordeal about the key was just a bull**** segway into saying she misses me and wants to talk. And my "replacement" just got done visiting her this week. Guess it didn't go too hot? LOL. Best of luck to her. 1
itto ogami Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 The passive-aggressive "Completely up to you though" is enough to ignore her. I just got a text from the ex (who I allowed one meeting last month after 5 months of total NC) saying that she wanted to talk to me for "about five minutes" outside her work because it was "too important to text" (after I berated her in our meeting for dumping me with FB) -- then she wrote that if I didn't want to see her she could just text her message. Meaning it's all about her still. I ignored. As you should from now on. 1
FennecFox Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I read your original story. She's a heartless, self-centered, manipulative ****ing psychopath. For years she was satisfying herself with attention from this other douchebag of a guy while slowly tearing you down psychologically. Do not contact her under any circumstance. You're better off without that *hug* 1
Jangles524 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 (edited) In response to my text... "What is there to talk about? Seems like you have everything figured out for the most part. Not sure about the key, it should be fine as long as they have one." I received back from her.... "Just so I can talk to you and to apologize about everything. It still feels strange not talking to you anymore." I... I want to ****ing lose it. I want to scream at her and swear and tell her every painful thing I have dealt with trying to get over her. I just can't believe she thinks any half-assed apology she can offer will change anything. Not to mention her new boyfriend is visiting this week. Why don't she just talk to him Edited August 30, 2013 by Jangles524
Chi townD Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Bravo!!! Your are soooo cured from "head in the ass" Syndrome!!! She can pack sand. Let her keep her guilt. Stay NC. Move on. 1
TrblinMN Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 In response to my text... "What is there to talk about? Seems like you have everything figured out for the most part. Not sure about the key, it should be fine as long as they have one." I received back from her.... "Just so I can talk to you and to apologize about everything. It still feels strange not talking to you anymore." I... I want to ****ing lose it. I want to scream at her and swear and tell her every painful thing I have dealt with trying to get over her. I just can't believe she thinks any half-assed apology she can offer will change anything. Not to mention her new boyfriend is visiting this week. Why don't she just talk to him This is why I am trying my hardest to stay in NC with my ex because any reply is just going to get your reeling again. There is nothing good that can come from replying to her text. Her reply is so self-serving it is ridiculous. This text exchange is only making her feel better because. One: She still wants you to think of her and Two: She is trying to clear her own conscious. My guess no matter what she replies with, you will never like her replies. So why even start a conversation. 2
Author Knoxpwns Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 This is why I am trying my hardest to stay in NC with my ex because any reply is just going to get your reeling again. There is nothing good that can come from replying to her text. Her reply is so self-serving it is ridiculous. This text exchange is only making her feel better because. One: She still wants you to think of her and Two: She is trying to clear her own conscious. My guess no matter what she replies with, you will never like her replies. So why even start a conversation. I agree, I'm a big advocate of "anything that comes out of her mouth is to make her feel better" after breakups, because its usually true. I mean, it's tough not replying. Christ, I miss her so much. But you are all right, I have nothing to gain from this. This is not the kind of friend I want. We will never be what we once were. ....The part I am really struggling with, is how much more disrespectful I'm finding this when she wants to "talk and be friends" on the same week my replacement is visiting her. She is currently moving back in with her parents. Maybe reality is setting in and she's realizing she just set herself back 6 years by leaving me. Maybe she is realizing the grass isn't greener by any means. Maybe she has her new boytoy and is wanting a side-by-side comparison. There is 10,000 possibilities, and 0 I want to be a part of. 2
itto ogami Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 She wants to apologize so SHE can move on. Do not respond. 2
Misfortune Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 The happiness fog has been lifted from her eyes and her mind a bit to the point, where she has to deal with the guilt of what she did to you. Most of them never apologize until the happy shot has run it's course and they have to deal with their demons. It's only to make them feel better, it's not for you or about you. 1
Antares Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 In response to my text... "What is there to talk about? Seems like you have everything figured out for the most part. Not sure about the key, it should be fine as long as they have one." I received back from her.... "Just so I can talk to you and to apologize about everything. It still feels strange not talking to you anymore." I... I want to ****ing lose it. I want to scream at her and swear and tell her every painful thing I have dealt with trying to get over her. I just can't believe she thinks any half-assed apology she can offer will change anything. Not to mention her new boyfriend is visiting this week. Why don't she just talk to him You'll notice it's all about her still. - SHE just wants to talk - SHE wants to apologize - SHE thinks it's strange not to talk anymore She wants to talk because she suddenly misses her bf pillow. She wants to apologize to alleviate the guilt she feels. She didn't ask how you were or acknowledge hurting you. In fact, what she was really saying here was... "I'm actually sticking to my decision, but man, this feels weird not talking anymore. Hey...Ex you were once so good as my comfort pillow. How 'bout once more for old time sake, just comfort my emotions. Let me know that you're still there for me." And as soon as you do she will be gone faster than you could imagine. You'll be left in the dust. And, haha, IF you should ever need some comforting - god forbid. If you should ever need to talk to her just because you miss her...well, her answer will be 'tough'. "Move on". "This isn't working". "We broke up". "Stay away from me" "I met someone" You get my point? Don't respond. 1
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