VanCal Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 maan just when i thought i was out.. they pull me back in lol I have been doing good lately, moving forward. i dont think of her all day anymore and any thoughts i have of my ex are more sad that its over rather than overthinking about why stuff went wrong .. but today was a bit of a relapse, its my ex birthday. so it made me think of her... i didnt message her.. i wanted to, so i thought i would just post something on here instead. 2+ weeks in my 2nd NC period, since i broke it the first time. sometimes exes can be cold as icee..thats how i want to be right now, numb to caring about her. she ended it a week after my birthday so she got to wish me a happy birthday lol is it bad that i hope it gets under her skin that i never messaged her?
Vinsanity1307 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Man I went through this tuesday it was an awful awful day...I felt sad and it wasnt even my bday....her birthday became a min holiday for me and I was so sad...I didnt budge though my bday was a few weeks ago and I received nothing from her....so I dont know...but i know what your going through 2
clementyne Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I have a question about this... My ex wished me on my birthday and his birthday is coming up. Is it polite to wish him back or is it better to say nothing?? I also kinda want it to get under his skin that I never wished him, but would that come across as mean and petty??
Author VanCal Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 tough one isn't it..don't want to break NC because im sure best case scenario she is probably just going to say a simple thankyou... worst case she ignores me.. if i don't message them it will effect my conscience (im sure ill be wondering for the next few days if that was the right thing to do) but at least im not boosting her ego, letting her know im still thinking about her. 1
TrblinMN Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 No contact, no contact, NO CONTACT!!!! Please keep to your goals. Because I will need the same motivation in a couple of months and I hope to receive the same advice. 2
Neall Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 same spot as you are... NC.. so if you want to know what ill do? well ill not say anything. what's the point? really? do you really think that she believes that u don't care anymore? no. but the fact is that u need to keep ur NC. It's over, think about you, not her.. 1
clementyne Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 (edited) tough one isn't it..don't want to break NC because im sure best case scenario she is probably just going to say a simple thankyou... worst case she ignores me.. if i don't message them it will effect my conscience (im sure ill be wondering for the next few days if that was the right thing to do) but at least im not boosting her ego, letting her know im still thinking about her. Yeah I was kinda struggling with this too... It might affect my conscience for a few days, but when you put it like that, i.e. not boosting their ego or giving them attention, I think the payoff is greater in terms of self-respect. I can live with not wishing him if it means losing the little power I've gained, in case he decides to ignore me or use it as an ego boost. In fact I think (or hope) that it would deflate his ego somewhat, as I would be the only one *not* wishing him when usually I'd be the first... Edited August 30, 2013 by clementyne correction
NomiMalone Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Van Cal, I've been thinking about this birthday dilemma... if they were the dumper, you have no obligations whatsoever to wish them a happy birthday. So don't feel bad about not sending wishes.
barky2 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 No no no x a myou that ion. How about this. How about you go treat yourself on their bday? Will it urk her? I'm sure it will. If you do not wish her anything, the power you'll get from it is liberating. Trust me. Been there done that. Go do something for yourself Once again, if you wish her one and she doesn't respond you'll be back t to day one. I can promise you that. Barky 1
StyleOnEm Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 It really depends how you are mentally/emotionally. The only way I would send a happy birthday text to my ex is if I had no other motives behind it. I would not ask a question of how they are doing, or anything that involves a response. I would only send if I don't expect a reply back. Actually assume you won't get a reply back. Have low expectations, and live with whatever outcome happens. If you feel it will hurt you if you don't get a reply, or it'll hurt if you'll get a reply that only says "Thanks", DON'T SEND IT. That's something only you can feel deep inside yourself to get the answer.
Renard99 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Whilst I'm a supporter of complete NC, I must admit that I did send her an email to say happy birthday. My birthday was first, about 6 months after the break up and she sent me a message to say happy birthday. I simply replied with a 'Thank you' and that was all. I like to consider myself a polite and courteous person, so, when it came to her birthday a few months later, despite believing NC was best, it felt 'wrong' to ignore her knowing she had wished me well on my birthday so I simply sent 'Happy Birthday' and that was it. She never replied but I felt better within myself from a social point of view. We never wished each other happy birthday in the years after that but I was fine, I moved on and didn't care. What I'm really getting at is, if you are doing it just to remain in the other person's thoughts, just to hear their voice of to try and rekindle things..... then don't. If you're doing it for yourself, doing it for your moral values, social etiquette and peace of mind and not for the relationships then I would do it but with caution. If you can't work out what your motive is, or you think that you may start with good intentions but get led astray, either by them replying or not replying, stay on the side of caution and don't.
loveiswar101 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 MMM. reading above its tough. My B'day was 3 weeks ago and we went away and to me it was one of the best weekends Ive ever had. No work no pressure just relaxing fun with someone i love. Now her Birthday is in 3 weeks and I already thinking about it. If I keep NC till then what should i do. I thought flowers just saying happy b'day. She wouldn't know who off, can't reply, I feel good and not rude towards her. Etc.
Renard99 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 (edited) MMM. reading above its tough. My B'day was 3 weeks ago and we went away and to me it was one of the best weekends Ive ever had. No work no pressure just relaxing fun with someone i love. Now her Birthday is in 3 weeks and I already thinking about it. If I keep NC till then what should i do. I thought flowers just saying happy b'day. She wouldn't know who off, can't reply, I feel good and not rude towards her. Etc. Proceed with caution is all I can say. I didn't want to make it sound like it was always ok, merely that sometimes, it's better to let something out, rather than bottle it up inside........ the one problem here is that it's a minefield whichever route your choose so caution is advised. Like I say, I wished her a happy birthday to stay true to myself. Didn't care what the outcome was, I was doing it for me, not her. Only proceed if you can truly and 100% say that it's entirely for you and you will not react whatsoever if she does/doesn't reply (and that it won't be anything more than just 'Happy Birthday'). Any doubt, even if it's just a 0.001% chance.... then don't do it. Edited September 16, 2013 by Renard99 1
loveiswar101 Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Fully understand, see where i am at then but flowers a small card, no name. I'll feel a lot better in me as she celebrated mine. Guess were see closer to the time...thanks
Man-guy Posted September 16, 2013 Posted September 16, 2013 Glad I read your post Renard... Recently sent my stbxw a congrats for her thesis proposal, pics had come up from friends... Felt genuinely happy, sent her congrats, didn't expect ANYTHING... shocked that we chatted the following day online, but... I started to regret sending it when she "deleted" her fb account for about a week and a half... got a text saying to contact there, call or email... She's back on now, noticed when I was looking on my page, but her weirdness is what got me thinking I had somehow wronged her... Reading that reminded me that I did do it for myself, I am glad to see she's ok, at least w/ work, her personal life seems totally bizarre especially if she's acting like this after 4 months... But that's not on me, I sent my message w/ the best intentions and no expectations of a response, so w/e
cavalier99 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 NO F*CKIN WAY you should sent her anything. STAY NC AT ALL COSTS! Cav
Renard99 Posted September 17, 2013 Posted September 17, 2013 NO F*CKIN WAY you should sent her anything. STAY NC AT ALL COSTS! Cav I completely agree..... but In this case, for me, it was about keeping my integrity. If someone wishes me a happy birthday, I always endeavour to do the same, in the same way that if someone wishes me a 'good morning' I return the sentiment. Considering that the relationship was taking its toll on me in so many ways, deciding to wish someone a happy birthday who had done the same to me was my way of trying to make sure I remained 'me'. A conscious effort to not get bogged down into becoming someone I'm not. I will always remain in support of total NC, mainly because it's easy to con yourself into thinking you're doing something like this for 'you' when in reality, you're not. It's also very easy get sucked in if they do respond as it's easy to be weak willed in that situation....... ........ but I feel there can be times when there can be a positive spin on it. Don't get me wrong though, in general, I say don't do it. 1
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