How did this happen ???

[IWS2013]

Thanks....you're probably dead-on !

The thought of her perhaps out with other guys is killing me, but it's something I need to rise above mentally, since it would be something I cannot stop !|

 

But as BAD as I am dying to call her, she used that smother word the other day.

 

Plus, I wrote in that E-mail I pasted above about giving it a few days to a week.

 

Should I give it until Weds, perhaps, unless she contacts me sooner (at a less strange hour)?

[IWS2013]

There is no worse feeling than when you are with an amazing woman, and then you lose focus of the impact of some of your choices on her. To hear that you were making her feel "smothered" (when you had no idea you were doing so is one thing)...but to have her say within the same day that I'm "the one that creates the distance and disconnect when were not together", is a total paradox.

 

THEN...to see her text me after I've cut her off and see she wrote: "I realize that I've pushed you so far away and ended the one thing in my life that actually made me happy and a better person. So from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. There's no need to respond, because I know we're done and there's no reason to prolong the inevitable. Just know that I do love you...but at this point that's probably irrelevant."....IT HURTS !

 

Then she texts me on my son's birthday.

And then calls me at 4AM (no voice mail).

 

I am in love with her, and I am positive she is in love with me, and I want her to see that her overwhelmed feelings are independent of my presence in her life............................BUT..............................All I want to do is run to her, but that would only cause her to feel I am pushing/smothering OR acting weak and crumbling....

 

Or would it?

Or would it NOT?

Or would it?

Or would it NOT?

 

Uggh...this SUCKS !!!

[IWS2013]

AND NOW.....I just got this text from her !!!

"Obviously your not responding to me. But this sucks...I've been at my sister's all day and wish you were here."

 

What the HECK do I do?????????????????

[NXS]

AND NOW.....I just got this text from her !!!

"Obviously your not responding to me. But this sucks...I've been at my sister's all day and wish you were here."

 

What the HECK do I do?????????????????

 

I think you should respond to this text because you don't want to look like you're playing games or following a script.

 

IWS, these relationship breaks are usually a bad idea and signal the beginning of the end of the relationship. Almost always both parties don't see them in the same way and one party feels it's being imposed on them. If you need a break don't make it an official one, just arrange something in advance that will take you away for a couple of days but don't make it an official break. There's nothing wrong with having your own time to think about things, just don't make it feel imposed on to the other person.

 

Now you have to try and exit this break without looking impulsive or weak and you have to bring something back to the table. That's why I suggested a 'date' and telling her you have a lot you want to talk about and why you set it up for a few days in advance.

 

So you should respond to this text and arrange the date, there's no point in prolonging this any more than is necessary. It will let her know that you've kept your word and it will give you time to think about what you want to say to her.

[IWS2013]

I responded and she said she was headed home, so I left it as is.

 

So she got back to me at 3:45am with a crazy text:

 

"I am so disgusted that I ever brought you into my life. There are no more regrets....I'm just thankful I trusted my gut. You will never hear from me again. So good luck with your manipulating antics. Because you ALMOST fooled me!!!!! Deleted and done!!!!!!! Goodbye!!!!!!!"

 

To which I just responded now (8 hours later):

 

"Take a hard look at yourself before throwing stones and judging me !"

 

 

And so it goes !

 

;-(

[Sparkle304]

And so it goes !

 

;-(

 

 

You need to stop contacting here. If there is any chance of saving this relationship, you must not seek her out, or contact her. It has spiralled to that stage where immaturity is now ruling and nothing good can come from that. Nasty words are being thrown about and it gets both of you angry.

 

She wants you gone........stay gone.

[Sparkle304]

That was supposed to say....."You need to stop contacting HER (not here)...oops

[NXS]

I responded and she said she was headed home, so I left it as is.

 

So she got back to me at 3:45am with a crazy text:

 

"I am so disgusted that I ever brought you into my life. There are no more regrets....I'm just thankful I trusted my gut. You will never hear from me again. So good luck with your manipulating antics. Because you ALMOST fooled me!!!!! Deleted and done!!!!!!! Goodbye!!!!!!!"

 

To which I just responded now (8 hours later):

 

"Take a hard look at yourself before throwing stones and judging me !"

 

 

And so it goes !

 

;-(

 

Damn, sorry to hear about this IWS. What did you text her? Did she text anything else when you responded?

[NXS]

You need to stop contacting here. If there is any chance of saving this relationship, you must not seek her out, or contact her. It has spiralled to that stage where immaturity is now ruling and nothing good can come from that. Nasty words are being thrown about and it gets both of you angry.

 

She wants you gone........stay gone.

 

Go ahead, throw in a few kicks while he's down.

[IWS2013]

I think she is going off the deep end...

 

She replied;

"When I continue to find out more and more lies....I have no choice but to feel justified for walking away."

 

and I wrote;

 

"So keep dreaming up reasons to walk away from me instead of communicating with me. If you plan on self-destructing and self-sabotaging, then no matter how much I love or cherish you would have ever made you happy."

 

I have no idea what she is talking about, and I don't want to feed into it!

 

:-(

[NXS]

I think she is going off the deep end...

 

She replied;

"When I continue to find out more and more lies....I have no choice but to feel justified for walking away."

 

and I wrote;

 

"So keep dreaming up reasons to walk away from me instead of communicating with me. If you plan on self-destructing and self-sabotaging, then no matter how much I love or cherish you would have ever made you happy."

 

I have no idea what she is talking about, and I don't want to feed into it!

 

:-(

 

It sounds like a strange text alright if you don't know what she's talking about.

 

I think you should ask her what lies she's talking about.

[IWS2013]

Well.....that's why I said, "So keep dreaming up reasons to walk away from me instead of communicating with me"....

 

To make her realize how ridiculous it is to accuse without confirming

[NXS]

Well.....that's why I said, "So keep dreaming up reasons to walk away from me instead of communicating with me"....

 

To make her realize how ridiculous it is to accuse without confirming

 

It's an indirect approach and not really a question, ask her specifically what lies she's talking about.

[IWS2013]

She replied

"Call Me"

[NXS]

I think this may have to do with the delays in responding to her texts, she may think you were playing games.

[IWS2013]

No idea what to say to her....

Didn't she just say to me, "You will never hear from me again" and "Deleted and done!!!!!!! Goodbye!!!!!!!"

 

???

Edited September 2, 2013 by IWS2013
.

[NXS]

She replied

"Call Me"

 

Ok, try to calm down first and not be aggressive, take a deep breath and be very specific with her about the "lies?"

 

Also if she says anything about not responding to her texts remind her that she didn't respond to your email and you were expecting some kind of response. That you thought it deserved a response.

[NXS]

Ok, try to calm down first and not be aggressive, take a deep breath and be very specific with her about the "lies?"

 

Also if she says anything about not responding to her texts remind her that she didn't respond to your email and you were expecting some kind of response. That you thought it deserved a response.

 

Also tell her that you want to go out with her and talk about all this stuff because there's a lot of miscommunication going on.

[IWS2013]

OK...I called her

We had a civil, but odd conversation.

 

A few of my friends that are girls have fake profile pics and she is inquisitive and found that out on her own a couple of months back and blew her cork, saying I made them up and I'm a liar. We got past that.

 

So, the first thing she asked me on this call was she wants me to be completely honest with her.

She said she got home last night and was feeling bad over everything and missing me terribly.

But she still had the FB thing in her mind, and felt like I was lying about that, and thus other things.

 

I told her just because a few of my microcosm of FB friends mess with their profile pics, what does that have to do with me? Why would I create their profiles? What would I have to gain? I told her I have 620 friends, and I opened it up publicly so she can check all of them.

 

She said she wants to believe me so badly, but in her gut, she just can't.

 

I told her that I cannot tell her more than the truth, and I said just go with your gut, but your gut is wrong.

 

 

We got off the call peacefully.

 

Uggh.....

[NXS]

OK...I called her

We had a civil, but odd conversation.

 

A few of my friends that are girls have fake profile pics and she is inquisitive and found that out on her own a couple of months back and blew her cork, saying I made them up and I'm a liar. We got past that.

 

So, the first thing she asked me on this call was she wants me to be completely honest with her.

She said she got home last night and was feeling bad over everything and missing me terribly.

But she still had the FB thing in her mind, and felt like I was lying about that, and thus other things.

 

I told her just because a few of my microcosm of FB friends mess with their profile pics, what does that have to do with me? Why would I create their profiles? What would I have to gain? I told her I have 620 friends, and I opened it up publicly so she can check all of them.

 

She said she wants to believe me so badly, but in her gut, she just can't.

 

I told her that I cannot tell her more than the truth, and I said just go with your gut, but your gut is wrong.

 

 

We got off the call peacefully.

 

Uggh.....

 

I don't know IWS, she sounds like she is suffering from alcohol fuelled paranoia. I don't see what these fake profiles pics have to do with anything, there's probably a lot of people that don't put their real pics up.

 

You have to consider if this is what you want in your life, being accused of all kinds of stuff when she has a few drinks and winds herself up into this kind of hysteria over nothing.

[IWS2013]

Well, as I mentioned, I was concerned with her drinking. Whenever I tried to bring it up, she told me I was judging her or controlling her. Textbook responses. So, I had a good relationship with her sister and her brother-in-law, and a few months back, I contacted her sister and brother-in-law about it. Not out of malice; out of the hopes that someone would get through to her. I spoke to her brother-in-law and her sister after (they wanted to know more and see if it's gotten any better). I forgot about that.

 

SO...she just calls me and asks me if I ever contacted her sister and brother-in-law about her drinking and I said, Yes, I did, back in April. She said now she knows why she's been getting pounded by her sister and brother-in-law over drinking and telling them not to judge her. She said her sister showed their Mom the message back then, and she just found out about it from her Mom.

 

She said to completely delete me from her life, that we could never be, and how can I do that to her and involve her family. I said it was not done during a fight, rather, it was done after being frustrated with not being able to get through to her over her habit, and I needed to help her and not stand by and watch her slowly kill herself.

 

She was not too keen over it. She asked why I never told her. I said why would I? So you could turn it around?

 

We said bye....and that was it....

[NXS]

Ughh this is a messy ending, really messy. She actually reminds me of my exW, she used to do similar stuff like getting paranoid and abusive after a few drinks. She’d store things up in her head for months and then just lash out whenever there was an argument, she’d bring up the same things over and over and over again. Like you I talked to her older sister too (her parents were dead), I didn’t get on with her at all but decided to bite the bullet and see if she could talk some sense to her. She did and managed to get through to her and get her to seek help but it didn’t last long until it was back to normal and this ended up as just another one of her resentments filed away and brought up for years after. It was just insanity and the arguments always ended up messy and draining, talking about the same things over and over and over again.

 

 

This woman sounds like she does the same thing but manages to put on a good act until she starts drinking and blurts it all out. There’s really nothing to be done for people like this, they just go from one drama to the next always blaming everyone else for their problems. I suspect the fake fb pics issue were filed away in her head to be used against you should the need arise. That was her way of blaming you for the relationship going bad and pretending it was her gut feeling and that she was right about you all along.

 

 

Anyway try not to take on this blame she’s trying to put onto you, she’s a sick woman and needs help but isn’t going to get it because she won’t look at herself and her drinking. These people are experts at doing this, guilting other people for their mistakes. Making everyone else responsible for their problems. If you try and contact her again this is going to escalate now she has even more things to bring up against you. Talking to her family will be the most heinous crime ever and she won’t forget it, trust me. I’m sure they’re well aware of her problem but that doesn’t matter, she’ll still twist it around.

[IWS2013]

Thanks for your insight.

Sad, indeed.

 

She called me back again to ream me out over this and also asked me for a copy of what I sent

[IWS2013]

I found the E-mail I sent to her family in March. I should send it to her or not? She asked and I said I would.....so, should I?

[IWS2013]

OK......NOW she responded to the mail I sent on Friday !! (The quote she used below was taken from that letter I sent her):

 

 

"It's kind of ironic that I just saw this message. I have never felt more hurt, disgusted and deceived in my life.

Learning about what you did behind my back has left me numb and speechless. There is no excuse for it, although your convinced you "did the right thing". But in the end, what you really did was loose the trust of someone that loved you. And that trust can never be earned back.

 

Words and accusations are poison when spewed to the wrong people. You took it upon yourself to involve MY FAMILY and place yourself in the middle of a situation that you knew nothing about.

 

I know the love I have for you will not fade fast, but after what just transpired, it will certainly speed up the process!! What you did is unforgivable and to not tell me about it is even worse. I NEVER would have gone behind your back and discussed my concerns about you with your family.....and then keep it a secret.

I'm glad you feel justified, because I feel betrayed and hope you have regrets.

 

So these words have absolutely no meaning to me now:

"I love you and you know I'm your biggest fan and I want the best for you in everything"

 

Send me that email NOW!!!! And then please ERASE me from your life!!!!!!!"

 

 

UGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

 

 

I'm BUMMMMMMMED............................

Edited September 3, 2013 by IWS2013