mrbrightside14 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Just when I thought things were going in the right direction... I've been seeing this girl for about a month and a half or so. We are yet to have sex, but we kiss all the time. I really like this girl, and she has a lot to offer: ridiculously good-looking, very VERY smart, talented in a lot of things, low maintenance (which I really love), etc. Attraction is definitely there, and she seems to enjoy my company. We text and chat on facebook like everyday. I thought things were going in the right direction UNTIL she sent me this on Facebook today: "Today the most important/close person to me in my life, had something very bad happen and i'm going to lose this person. so i'm pretty upset. and i think going to the gym with you today will be helpful but i'm pretty depressed and i think i will be for a while. and so, i just would like to keep things more on a friend basis until i get through this." I'm seeing her later this afternoon. We agreed to talk more about this when see each other. However, I'm starting to think, "Is this her way of saying she's not all that into me?" Whenever a girl tells me some BS like, "I think we should just be friends," I say adios to the girl immediately. I really like this girl and sincerely do want to help her get through tough times. At the same time, I don't wanna make a lot of emotional investment if I'm only gonna end up being "just a friend." Ugh... What do I do?
CherryT Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 (edited) Well, she said "friend basis UNTIL I get through this". Have you lost someone who's really close to you? Perhaps unexpectedly? I've lost a lot of people in my life and it's very hard to be happy when something so terrible is happening around you. She said "Friend basis UNTIL she gets through this" because how can someone, who's in extreme pain/hurting because they're losing someone, be happy and lovey-dovey? She's telling you this as a warning that when you see her that she may not want to be as close... not because she doesn't like you but because she is about to lose someone but hasn't yet and she will feel guilty for indulging in her own happiness. Your post is somewhat selfish. Do you care about this girl at all? Adios immediately because she is struck with tragedy and you don't want to be there to support her because you don't have guarantee whether you will get something out of it? How about be a friend. I knew I loved my SO when things were great in my life. I knew I REALLY loved him and couldn't live without him when he was there for me unselfishly trough some rough patches. Btw, my ex was a dickhead and when someone close to me passed away, he only cared about the attention I could give him. I was unable to give him that attention because I was grieving. Don't be like him. Edited August 29, 2013 by CherryT 2
Author mrbrightside14 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Well, she said "friend basis UNTIL I get through this". Have you lost someone who's really close to you? Perhaps unexpectedly? I've lost a lot of people in my life and it's very hard to be happy when something so terrible is happening around you. She said "Friend basis UNTIL she gets through this" because how can someone, who's in extreme pain/hurting because they're losing someone, be happy and lovey-dovey? She's telling you this as a warning that when you see her that she may not want to be as close... not because she doesn't like you but because she is about to lose someone but hasn't yet and she will feel guilty for indulging in her own happiness. Your post is somewhat selfish. Do you care about this girl at all? Adios immediately because she is struck with tragedy and you don't want to be there to support her because you don't have guarantee whether you will get something out of it? How about be a friend. I knew I loved my SO when things were great in my life. I knew I REALLY loved him and couldn't live without him when he was there for me unselfishly trough some rough patches. Btw, my ex was a dickhead and when someone close to me passed away, he only cared about the attention I could give him. I was unable to give him that attention because I was grieving. Don't be like him. Thanks for your response. I do care about her. I just wasn't sure what to do because we aren't a couple yet. Perhaps she and I can strengthen our bond by supporting each other. Thanks. 1
Clockwork Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Tell her not to post her/your personal business on Facebook. I hate that. There are these fancy things called private messages that no one likes to use anymore because our society has this Kardashian mindset that every is interested in our problems and drama is a hip thing in life. It isn't. But the message in itself doesn't sound too bad. She's been with you a month and you are the most important person in her life? Not bad for starters. So see what she has to say.
inamity Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Whenever a girl tells me some BS like, "I think we should just be friends," I say adios to the girl immediately Why is this "BS"? Sometimes it's the honest answer. Sometimes you can like someone as just a friend. Sometimes people need friendship to get into something more. Some people are slow. It's all situational. If you make sweeping judgments like this every time it comes up, you're going to miss out on a lot of great people in life.
mortensorchid Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 She is telling you she just wants to be friends. I don't like those sayings "we will be friends until (time)", or "I have too much going on at this moment but maybe later), or "I want to take a step back because of (reason)". It means they don't want to be with you and you have to move on. If they liked you, they would make time for you and it's not a lot to ask for when you think about it.
CherryT Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 She is telling you she just wants to be friends. I don't like those sayings "we will be friends until (time)", or "I have too much going on at this moment but maybe later), or "I want to take a step back because of (reason)". It means they don't want to be with you and you have to move on. If they liked you, they would make time for you and it's not a lot to ask for when you think about it. I agree with this if it were something like a career or moving your house etc. But (correct me if I'm wrong) it sounds as though she's losing someone as in death. I have a bit more compassion with someone who is going through a tragedy and watching someone they love/care for (most important - family member? their best friend since childhood?) die. After only a month you can't demand that she not suffer in her own way to give you the attention you need... because you need reassurance that she likes you. Not after a month. However, if it's a friend who's moving away for college or whatever. Then probably she's not that interested. 1
fanine Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 If it is something like a family or friend with a serious or possibly fatal illness I can totally understand her head must be spinning. I know what that is like and it can even put a strain on a strong well established relationship. I would not jump to conclusions until you understand and know exactly what she is going through.
todreaminblue Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 when someone close to you has something really bad happen it is overwhelming emotionally to be in a relationship...you need to focus on that relationship if you are that way inclined.....some people cant...... I am so used to things happening that are not so good.........i have developed a coping mechanism...its called prayer........ what i would do if i liked someone i would tell them what was going on....explain i really like you but this is what i have to deal with at the moment...my focus is goign to eb sorting this bad situation out..still keen.......and if the guy is right for me he will be keen to stick around....to me when you are going through rough spots......this is going to seem whack...people get to see your true fibre of who you are when you handle the not so good times...the flaws and the unexpected bad times......its the best time to let someone see you...life is messy...... i like most women probably wouldnt....expect support when just gettign to knwo a guy and soemthing bad happens.......or would understand why guys walk away who wants the drama right?...no one does.......you got the out.......i feel....you can either hang around show her you true fibre in times that arent so good......or you can back off....... the difference being with guys who stick around when women have it rough........they end up with the girl...smilin.......they are the special ones...strong supportive....and a little selfless.......a lot selfless actually......kudos to the men...and the women who choose them.deb
RogerWallace111 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 (edited) A budding relationship is the type of thing that can require putting on a certain "face", to different extents for different people. No matter how "real" or uninhibited a person is, they're almost always going to try and present themselves a certain way- not really exposing their weaknesses or sides of themselves they feel self-conscious about. That being said, I agree with Cherry T that this is an instance where wanting to "keep things on a friend basis" is likely the honest truth and not a cop out. She could very well just not have the energy to be what she considers a desirable, fun "lover" while dealing with a traumatic loss of someone close. Plus sadness can be a serious distraction. Not too different from how one can find a person they legitimately like or see potential with in the weeks after a breakup, but not be able to put themselves out there because it's just too soon. It would be different if these two had been through a bunch of **** together already. Plus, that would be a pretty weird opportunity for her to use as an out of the relationship. And even stranger if it were a complete fabrication... Edited August 30, 2013 by RogerWallace111 3
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