Winning Back my Girlfriend

[NP1975]

We dated for over four years. Like an total idiot I didn't give her any show of commitment. I lost her. We got on really well, rarely argued, and even right at the end she as still trying to make it work. I am moron for losing her.

Six months on and we met up again. Got on great. I'm fairly certain she still cares about me.

Problem: She has a new guy. She started dating not long after we broke up. This guy phoned her dad within one week of them going out and asked to marry her. The dad was understandably not impressed. Several months later she accepted his proposal. She not turned 40 and I think she has the mindset that she should have been married by then. I genuinely believe, as do other friends, that she accepted because she thinks time is running out.

We've started talking again. I've haven't told her how I feel. I love her and realise I've lost someone very precious. I've written a letter but haven't given it to her yet.

I'd like advice on how to proceed and not blow it.

Also, what's a good non-threatening thing to ask her to go to with me? I was think maybe a day out driving somewhere nice for lunch? Too much?

I really love her and really don't want to screw up again. I've learned my lesson the hard way.

Any help appreciated!

 

Neil

[Philosoraptor]

She's an engaged woman. You can believe what you want, but she may truly be happy and in love. I wouldn't pursue her at all unless she is single. Put yourself in someone else's shoes here. Would you care to be pursued, or have your partner pursued?

[Mariposa10]

Why did you guys meet again? What did you two talk about? Did she say she still loved you??

 

Why did you wait so long? (6 months is kind of long for me) Are you feeling like this because she's engaged?? Would you feel the same if she wasn't?

[lylat333]

Yikes. First of all, I would not think of this as trying to win her back. I understand wanting her to know how you feel before she's a married woman and you worry she might be making a mistake, but consider what Philosoraptor said. If she is happy, there is no place for you to meddle in her affairs.

 

It'd be nice if there were a way for her to know how you feel without it coming across like you are trying to win her over, but unfortunately I don't think that's possible. If you do decide to contact her, and I think that is a very dicey decision, keep it extremely simple and non-offensive. If you have a letter written, give it at least 2-3 days before going through sending it if possible. Oftentimes what sounds good the moment you write it can sound nuts before long.

 

The only right way to do it, (if there was one) would be to communicate with her in a way the guy could respect when he finds out about it. You've lost the right to contact her in private. If it were me I would simply tell her congratulations, she's a good woman and you wish her the best. You have no place to ask about the guy, wonder about she is being treated, nothing. You wish her well and leave it at that, never initiate contact again. Even still I think that could be seen as disrespectful and manipulative.

 

The most important lessons are learned the hardest. What you have learned from this will only benefit you in the future.

[Babolat]

I think she has the mindset that she should have been married by then. I genuinely believe, as do other friends, that she accepted because she thinks time is running out.

 

Her choices are, well, hers. Don't try to fix her...IMHO, leave her alone.