hotpotato Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Anyone here considering a life of singledom? Anyone here already living this lifestyle? Why did you make this decision?
Author hotpotato Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Dont be shame. I know you're out there. Come on out the closet.
CarrieT Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Does it count that I have several friends who are life-long bachelors and/or spinsters? My fiance's sister is 50, attractive, extremely well-educated, and is very financially well off (she is a corporate lawyer in New York City and owns property in the city). She hasn't had a long-term relationship in over a decade and doesn't even date now. One of my oldest friends, Ralph, is in his mid-50s and gave up dating three or four years ago. He is not quite so well-off, but very funny and intelligent and quite a talented actor. These are only two, but I have a handful of others who have chosen lives of solitude...
darkmoon Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 (edited) yes, I never wanted to promise vows, hard to keep, did live wiv one guy for two years, prefer my own rules so then stayed living alone while in an open relationship for twenty-five years now have a friend with benefits, mind you, some single mothers (seen some very sad eyes) lose moral support and have to make 24/7 kiddie convos the solo life now has the Internet in its midst, used to be challenging solo, risky cuz a woman can seem like easy to bully when single, but I do not regret it, no hours were wasted on housework Edited August 30, 2013 by darkmoon
Author hotpotato Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 yes, I never wanted to promise vows, hard to keep, did live wiv one guy for two years, prefer my own rules so then stayed living alone while in an open relationship for twenty-five years now have a friend with benefits, mind you, some single mothers (seen some very sad eyes) lose moral support and have to make 24/7 kiddie convos the solo life now has the Internet in its midst, used to be challenging solo, risky cuz a woman can seem like easy to bully when single, but I do not regret it, no hours were wasted on housework Ahhh the joys of single parenthood. Not for me. I have considered tubal ligation at the age of 26 (not just because I'm considering a life of spinsterhood), but then read about all the ill effects. 1
Author hotpotato Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 I'm currently considering it because I can't stand a certain type of woman (see my signature for details). In my country, it is very difficult to find a woman that is not hardcore in this ideology. So I generally just hook up or keep things very casual. But I am close to defining myself as a confirmed bachelor. What country is that?
PhoenixRysing Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I am just about there. For me, I have had enough of the games and heartache associated with trying to find love. I am extraordinary at my job, I have a very full life, and I love who I am as a person - yet I can't find someone who agrees with me. I know that for the moment I am too worn out and I no longer trust my "picker" as I keep falling for men who retract their promises at very inopportune times (i.e. as I am starting to develop real feelings for them). Being burned like that does something to a gal you know? I am also tired of taking the high road and understanding that a lot of the men in my age group are "not ready for a relationship" after being hurt by their "starter marriages." Since I don't want to perpetuate the cycle by dating when I am emotionally bereft I am for the moment opted out. Considering that I am 36 and my primary drive for love was centered around an image of myself in a marriage with children, I feel that by the time I get my own head together it will be too late. Thus - why bother at all? Why not instead focus on all the wonderful things my life has to offer, that I can do for myself, and that I genuinely love - partner or not. I am trying to get my head around what it means to be a perpetual singleton and to embrace that with joyousness vs. my current state of contempt. So for the moment yes, permanent single status. I am not yet sure if I have embraced that for my lifetime, especially since I was cursed with an abnormally high sex drive. I tend to forget my declarations of swearing off men as soon as my "lower brain" gets unruly. I am curious as to others reasons and responses and hoping one will ignite something in me that makes me more excited or at least more resolute about the road in front me.
Author hotpotato Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 United States. Ohhh...gotcha...
MrTurk Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I'll be single the rest of my life. I just cant wrap my head around the bullsh*t that is required nowadays to get a date, and turn it into a relationship. The women that live in my area want nothing to do with me, and the women that do have an interest in me live too far way. Majority of men "conform" to get a date. I refuse to be anything except myself. And women have proved to me they are not interested unless I play the games. 1
Weezy1973 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I've been single for years - kind of. I dated someone for about a month and a half a year ago. I like being single which makes it less compelling for me to get out there and date. I would prefer to be in a close, intimate, meaningful relationship, but I'm really not compelled to try. Which is a problem...
gaius Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 It's kinda startling how many women are neglected nowadays. It makes me sad to see. So I can't see myself not being involved with someone on some level anymore.
mario_C Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Anyone here considering a life of singledom? Anyone here already living this lifestyle? Why did you make this decision? Because we're losers? Because we have failed at creating a happy and emotionally connected life for ourselves? Is that the answer you wanted? Don't shoot the messenger... 1
Phoe Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I don't WANT to be alone for life, but I know if I did I'd be quite capable of still leading a happy and quality life. I just so would so very much prefer a companion. Maybe even a family! When I was a young girl my dad said I'd probably have a hard time finding relationships. He made me mad, but he made me prepared. I just hope one day he'll be wrong.
Author hotpotato Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Just tonight my walking track stalker gave me a lecture on love. Tried to tell me that material things won't matter because people tire of them and want new things. Do people not do that with each other? He even said he was concerned. He finds it odd that I would be on a track on a Saturday night. I just don't want the hassle of trying to find someone then it ending like it always does.
Author hotpotato Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Because we're losers? Because we have failed at creating a happy and emotionally connected life for ourselves? Is that the answer you wanted? Don't shoot the messenger... Whoa now... Singlehood is becoming a more acceptable lifestyle. Hot rich famous people like George Clooney and Diane Keaton are single more often than not. It's not about being a loser, it's just how some people are.
veggirl Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I've never met someone IRL who CHOSE that life. I've met people who were perpetually single but not because they wanted to. Comparing them to someone like George Clooney is laughable. George Clooney dates super models, the average "spinster" or lifelong bachelor (why not bachelorette as well instead of spinster...ouch!) is either dating people who don't completely want them and thus won't committ to marriage, dating people who are bad for them, or just not even able to get dates. 1
208ba Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 yep been their and thinking of doing it again as that way you nobody gets hurts
Author hotpotato Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 I've never met someone IRL who CHOSE that life. I've met people who were perpetually single but not because they wanted to. Comparing them to someone like George Clooney is laughable. George Clooney dates super models, the average "spinster" or lifelong bachelor (why not bachelorette as well instead of spinster...ouch!) is either dating people who don't completely want them and thus won't committ to marriage, dating people who are bad for them, or just not even able to get dates. I was mostly aiming for people who had chosen to be single hence the Clooney comparison. He's the best example of someone who doesn't have to be single, but mostly is. He could be married easily, but he's not. Spinster simply means someone who spins wool. Until recently spinster was a good thing, she was a champion of uncompromising morality. She was someone who had very high standards.
RedRobin Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Ahhh the joys of single parenthood. Not for me. I have considered tubal ligation at the age of 26 (not just because I'm considering a life of spinsterhood), but then read about all the ill effects. I had my tubes tied at a young age. No downsides AT ALL. I absolutely love the freedom and peace of knowing that no children will come into this world through me accidentally. Even if you later wanted to have children, you could always adopt or have a test tube baby... (that's just jumping the tracks). If you do it, make sure they do it like they did mine... a section was cut out (not just snipped) and both ends cauterized. Insurance paid for mine... ...but to your question... I've considered it, and have gone through periods of solitude. I really am best suited to partnership... So I will keep looking, no matter how frustrating it is at times...
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I made the choice because I want someone that blows me away on every level. That doesn't happen often or possibly ever. And I am OK with that. People that judge me have no idea that I would never be in their lukewarm, boring marriage. 1
MrTurk Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I made the choice because I want someone that blows me away on every level. That doesn't happen often or possibly ever. And I am OK with that. How do you know whether your standards are unrealistic or not?? I think there are too many women like you out there.....passing up the 95% percent awesome guys.....waiting for that 100% awesome one. You can not predict with any certainty that you would not be happy with a guy that is a notch or two below what you "think" you want. You have only your perception to base that on, not facts.
MrTurk Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Whoa now... Singlehood is becoming a more acceptable lifestyle. Hot rich famous people like George Clooney and Diane Keaton are single more often than not. It's not about being a loser, it's just how some people are. Thats always a baseless observation when someone tries to use celebrities as a comparison to our everyday lives. Do you think George Clooney just sits around for weeks at a time, doing nothing, spending day in and day out alone, like many single people do?? You have no idea what his sex life is like....what his social life is like....or anything. And do you really think of all the single people to choose from....that George Clooney, labeled as one of the most attractive men in Hollywood is a good example to use as someone being single?? 1
Woggle Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 If I weren't married to my wife I would probably be single. I just could not deal with the stuff most men seem to deal with in modern marriages. The guys are more like well trained dogs who are not respected bu their owners then men to me. I found somebody who truly is worth marrying though and I am sure I am not the only one. 2
candie13 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I've been dating, recently out of a relationship. I took the decision to NOT date until I solve my professional situation - that should take 2-3 months. I've also sort of decided to go celibate for at least 6 months. I've realized I prefer to meet and get to know people, rather than jump into dating straight away. Ideally, it'll spare me from more bad surprises... but one never knows, such is life, no guarantees. I just want to be ready, may it turn out good or sour. A bit sore still and vulnerable, right now. I'm 33, so the thought of ending up single did cross my mind a few times. Oh well, I'll just make the best of it, either way. For sure, I would love a family and kids, but that plan looks like it's about to go out in flames, haha! Just like most people, I don't want a family at any price and with the first guy who happens to want the same thing as me. I do want to meet the right guy and I do want to be happy with him. But here is interesting question: how does one approach such an endeavor? Option one: you hold out and only go out with the guys whom best fits your idea of mr Right Option two: you enjoy all the interesting bad options out there, until Mr Right pops along. There are no guarantees and the truth is most women are looking for Mr Right but a lot of men aren't interested in being that person. Sometimes they lie to resemble to him, other times women lie to themselves, when it comes to that resemblance. Before, I felt my life was like a race against time (because of the biological clock and all). Right now, I realize I should simply enjoy the race. At least, if I am wasting my time, it won't be with a guy who looks like Mr Right or talks like Mr Right or might be Mr Right... it will be with a guy that I really like and inspires me. The hell with everything else .
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