Neall Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Hello everyone, as you may notice im new here! i've been watching this forum but never tought i would register. So after some things occured, i tought it would be a good idea to be a member of this community. So yeah i want to share with you guys some things that you might be able to help... My girlfriend after many breakups, yesterday, said one this that in 5 years i never even think i could hear from her... She said: "Well, i love you, but i dont know anymore, if i love you the same way i did like before". I got stunned really. I dropped the phone, i turned it off (it happened me yesterday). And every since i didn't switch it on... I know and I'm sure i dont want to send her anything or talk to her right now. And for me the biggest step is gonna be turning on the phone, because i know that missed calls will appear, so as messages. That both will crush me. Trying to think positive but guys i'm, i was 15 when i meet her first time, and she's been the one ever since... Thanks guys, anything will help for sure right now...
Keenly Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 She's made it perfectly clear man. There is either some one else, or she just isn't feeling it anymore. People change and grow apart. Your going to have to confront this situation eventually. You can't hide from it until later on. Just say " so what are we doing here " and any answer short of " I'm sorry I love you " you should leave. If she loves you she will come back, if not you move on slowly . 2
Author Neall Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Yes i know, and i don't wanna call her or sending any message, my fear is that, when i turn my phone on, that alot of stuff come from her... That night i turned off the phone, and quickly turned it on and she called me 3 times in a row without stopping which lead me to turn again the phone off... This is crazy but i'm scared now, really i know that things end, but i dont even have the courage to turn the phone on again...
barky2 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Your going to have to face the music. You cannot keep your head in the sand Face what is coming. Feel the pain. Let it out. Move on. If I was you id change my number. Don't listen to any voice mails. Give ur phone to a friend so he can delete them. Stay off fb. Change your number. Wait did I already say that? Change your number. Barky 3
JDPT Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Be prepared to face what's coming head on. You have at this point a fundamental understanding how the conversation will play out once you two have the opportunity to hash things out. You may want to start asking yourself what it is that you are looking to accomplish here. Will you like to perhaps salvage the relationship if at all possible or understand and internalize that as much as it may hurt that it might be best to part ways. In any case, be very strong and analyze the situation objectively. I wish you the best and remember we are all here for you. 1
NoLeafClover Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Yes i know, and i don't wanna call her or sending any message, my fear is that, when i turn my phone on, that alot of stuff come from her... That night i turned off the phone, and quickly turned it on and she called me 3 times in a row without stopping which lead me to turn again the phone off... This is crazy but i'm scared now, really i know that things end, but i dont even have the courage to turn the phone on again... You're doing the right thing. You'd be a good candidate for re-enforcing and keeping No Contact. Some here wouldn't even think about turning that celphone off 1
Author Neall Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Well, first day after she said it, it's been pretty calm, ofcourse i am VERY emotional, and thinking about her most of the time... But i played with some friends, i went to the gym, even alone i went to the gym because i do gym like for 2 years, and it's the place where my mind find "peace". I have tough the problem of the phone... really i'm starting school next week, and i cant text my friends because of it, i don't know what to do, i don't want to see anything from her, not missed calls, not messages... What i should do guys? And thank you all every word is been something i found good to make me calm down...
im_thedude Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 I'm still pretty raw from my girlfriend breaking up with me, about a month ago. I will tell you from very recent experience that contacting her in any form - through social media, text, or calling - will not make anything better. Believe what everybody says and do NOT contact her. Let her contact you, but don't expect it. Oh, and while your at it, buckle up. Because you're in for the most devastating emotional ride of your life. Find close friends or family members to talk to, to help get your thoughts straight. Hope for what you want to be clearer in a few weeks. But, for your own sake. Do NOT contact her! Don't check her instagram, her Facebook, anything. You will do things to take your mind off of the situation, off of her, and they will fail. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but they will. But stick with it - be STRONG - and eventually the storm in your heart will clear. Don't think about whether it was meant to be or not - you're giving yourself an unhealthy amount of hope that may never come. That's torture. The romantic in me has fallen victim to it, and I feel it every day. It's insanity. 2
Zahara Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Can you have a friend go through your phone and delete any messages and missed calls from her? Then quickly change your number and blast it to all your friends. 1
Author Neall Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 i don't think turning the phone on would be a good idea, i'm pretty scared of doing it, and i know that i killed all the ways that she could contact me. I never doubt the love that i felt for her, and if she does, it's a signal that i should not let anything from her come across me, it's sad, its violent for the mind, but i need to face the truth, i'm the way i am, if she isn't sure about her love from me, is because she doesn't love me anymore.
Zahara Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 i don't think turning the phone on would be a good idea, i'm pretty scared of doing it, and i know that i killed all the ways that she could contact me. I never doubt the love that i felt for her, and if she does, it's a signal that i should not let anything from her come across me, it's sad, its violent for the mind, but i need to face the truth, i'm the way i am, if she isn't sure about her love from me, is because she doesn't love me anymore. That's why I said ask a friend to do it for you. Ask your friend to turn on the phone and delete anything from her and then change your number. Tell him when he does it to not mention what he sees/reads on your phone. 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 If it is your phone that is the issue and you feel that you can leave her to herself and move on/that is what you want to do. How about you don't turn your phone on? get a new number. 1
Author Neall Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 thanks guys for all the support, i think when we "think" that we met "the love of our life" is something that can trick us. It can be the love of your love, but for the other person i may not be. At the age of 20, I woke up and understood that it may not last forever, and words are words, simple as that. I will try to be myself, learn with the mistakes, and never trust again somebody with all my heart, because when something happens, all your happiness is gone too. I will let the phone off. It may have 1/2/3 messages and may have 1/2/3 calls, or it may have nothing. But i'm sure that for now the best is to stay away. I must stop smoking too because this dragged me to smoke again, i must find my friends, and meet new ones, and i know that this will not easy, and the hardest part is the moment that i'm alone and i miss her, but i must fight that everyday till the day i'm over it. Everyone is helping me, i mean it, this forum is the best thing i have done since the break up. I feel like many people have felt the way I did, and I want to be helped as I want to help the others too!
saltyfishhead666 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Many many people feel the way you do daily. I for one being one of them right now. Someday I won't feel like this and neither will you. As barky said. Give a friend your phone. Have them erase whatever you have been sent by her and change your number. She sounds as though although she say's she doesn't want you, she also doesn't want anyone else too either which means she will still throw you breadcrumbs. She can't throw you them if she doesn't know your number xx 2
L.D.702 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 My girlfriend did the same to me, she said that she cares about me but that she's not in love with me. After 7 years how could she just say "I'm not in love with you". This feels like crap. 1
Author Neall Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 well i think i'm going to change my number. it is hard, the phone is right next to me, but i always remember her words, and i don't want to turn in on! maybe it's the best!
Author Neall Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 My girlfriend did the same to me, she said that she cares about me but that she's not in love with me. After 7 years how could she just say "I'm not in love with you". This feels like crap. The worst thing, is that maybe she said, "i promise i will never leave" "i will always love you" and we get like the idea stuck on our heads... It is hard, we must acknowledge that, and move away from them!
barky2 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 When our significant others decide to break up, or when they are exs...they turn into different people. No switch that, they are showing you their true colors. Keep that in mind as you walk away. Barky 2
NXS Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Wow you're the first poster I've seen here who has reacted in this manner. Normally there's endless posts to try and encourage the OP not to answer the phones/texts/messages. 1
Author Neall Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 i think if i send her something, or try to contact her, ill just be feeding my pain and suffering... if i had that answer from her.. i can't do anything more.. 1
NXS Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 i think if i send her something, or try to contact her, ill just be feeding my pain and suffering... if i had that answer from her.. i can't do anything more.. Don't get me wrong I fully understand your reaction it's just a little unusual to see here on LS, however I'm probably just going off on a tangent now. My apologies. 1
Author Neall Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Don't get me wrong I fully understand your reaction it's just a little unusual to see here on LS, however I'm probably just going off on a tangent now. My apologies. No problem i understand, well i think it's the best to do i don't know, i know that i miss her too much, and that i would love to have her on my arms, but life is like this... we grow up people grew and sometimes they change, so her love did... i must respect that, and respect myself... i know i want her, but she isnt sure that she loves me anymore the way she did, so what's the point on talking to her ...
Author Neall Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 guys i need your help... im thinking about turning the phone on again... should i do it?! is it a positive thing to do? should i first change my number? :S
Author Neall Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 update: i turned the phone on, i think getting over it, must be facing everything, and you want to know what happenned when i turned the phone on? 1 message, from a friend, not a single one from her. That hurted alot, but honestly it was the best for me i think...
MontyCarlo Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I would personally say yes, turn the phone on. Find out what the text say, it will hurt, I wouldn't dare insult you by saying that it wont. This happened to you yesterday, she told you a small little bit and you turned your phone off out of fear and not switched it back on again. You need closure, also she needs it as well. The good 5 years you were together, she still loves you, she even said that (your post). She is not sure she loves you the same was as she used to. Her love has changed! Not gone. The bad She no longer envisions a future with you anymore! Her feelings have changed that she no longer wants to see you exclusively. My Thoughts I, last week, was your girlfriend. I had to end the relationship with my partner. Hardest thing I've had to do in my life to date. I still love the bones of her, I would never wish to do her harm (although I have, I'm not stupid). I met her in person, I explained what I could about how I felt (I've since realised something but its too late to say that to her directly, I've ceased contact to let her heal). I am in no other relationship, have no plans for another relationship, I don't think I'm as bad (as the dumper) that I'll be honest some people on this site make people like me out to be. Let me ask you this. Your (ex) girlfriend has said she no longer loves you enough to be with you. Would you rather she didn't say it at all and stayed with you for another 5, 10 years. Rest of your life without loving you the way you deserve to be loved? That was the choice I had to make with my girl, I thought on it for a while (some may say too long) but I knew I had to do it, it was unfair to keep basically living a lie. Sometimes people have to be cruel to be kind. Don't think for one second I haven't cried as the dumper and I'm pretty damn sure I haven't finished yet either. I've hurt the person I still love and care for in one of the worst ways a partner can hurt their other half, by rejecting them. You need to hear what she has to say, listen to it, learn from it, then start NC. But you need the closure regardless of how difficult it will be. You will grow from it. 1
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