quyster Posted November 14, 2004 Posted November 14, 2004 We broke up back in the begin of March, after a 3 years relationship. She dumped me.... I always wanted her back, tried everything for about 5 months after the break up but nothing worked. She said she still loves me but we have too many problems. So... I tried to forget and move on, dating new girls. Still, I keep in contact with her and be her friend, because we knew each other too well and we've always been best friends. She has a bf for 2 months now and I've been busy working and dating girls. But we talk sometimes and tell each other about life stories and problems..... We have always been each other's best friend, and we can just look and know what the other is thinking. After 8 months, she had always been so sure with what she wanted in her life...... Just went I'm sure that it is over, that I'm accepting it and moving on. Suddently, yesterday... she invited me to go to eat with her family for her mom's birthday. I've always been close to her family so we had dinner, then she asked me to go to a movie. We enjoyed the movie together as two closed friends. On the way driving her home, she told me that seeing and talking to me is depressing her.... because after all, I'm the only one that understands her the most and always seem to be there at the lowest point of her life. Her current bf couldn't do that. She asked me if I wanted to get back with her. I said, I'm happy with my life rite now and I have to think about it. Honestly, I still love her but I dont want to rush back to it too quickly and I just don't like the idea of me being the spare tire. She seems confused and I dont want to make any dumb decision and hurt myself again. Please advice me what I should react to this situation..... Thanks
Patiently waiting Posted November 14, 2004 Posted November 14, 2004 I would say that first you need to address the problems that caused the break up in the first place. Just getting back together without fixing what was wrong will eventually lead you down the same path. Are these problems fixable? If so then you most likely have a good chance at working it out if you both still love each other. You need to be sure that she is doing this for the right reasons too. That it is you she really wants and not just a familiar face. That can lead to a lot of heartache on your part if she is just using you as a filler until she finds someone who she really wants. We women can resort to some pretty crazy things when we don't like being alone, especially during the holidays! I would advise starting to date again just to see how you get along now. If she really wants you back she will agree. You can choose to continue dating others if you like, but do let her know this because honesty is one of the most important things in any relationship. Oh, and you say she has a boyfriend, what't the deal with him? Is he just kinda a casual relationship? Do you think she may be trying to get him to commit and can't so maybe is falling back on someone who she know will commit? I don't know, I'm just guessing here, but i am a girl and I have done a lot of crazy things to make a guy jealous. Just be very careful my friend, I would hate to see your heart broken twice by the same girl.......
Author quyster Posted November 14, 2004 Author Posted November 14, 2004 Thanks for the advice from the opposite sex..... It's definitely helpful and I'm totally agree with you about " Women can come up with some crazy things just to keep someone around or making someone jealous " Women are very creative about those stuff.... and I have experienced some of those tricks myself. That's why I'm very care with what I'm dealing with... LOL
LexiB Posted November 14, 2004 Posted November 14, 2004 Yeah...and make sure she wasnt just asking a hypothetical question--you know, just to see what you would say. Remember, she still hasnt officially broken up with whats-his-face yet. Did she say she wanted to give it another chance or just asked how you felt? cause its possible she coulda just been airing some depressed thoughts outloud---totally unfair to u and sucky but it happens... Not trying to be a pessimist, Ive just read abt this situation going lousy so many times. But truly, I wish you the best of luck and hope eveything works out the way you want---this site coud use some happy news
Weird Posted November 14, 2004 Posted November 14, 2004 Yeah the only way a 2nd chance can work is if both people talk about and realize the mistakes the first time and correct them so they don't happen again. Also, open communication is the KEY. Many people who try 2nd chances don't do any of that and go back into the same old pattern form the first relationship and naturally the 2nd chance fails. I also agree with LexiB...there is a chance she just asked that simply to see how you think rather than just saying she wants to get back together. Maybe she wanted to hear it for an ego boost. Chances are though that she has thoughts of getting back together to ask that question so she probably does.
head/heels Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 SHE CAN BE VERY CONFUSED AND AT A VERY LOW SELF ESTEEM POINT! she might just needed the boost that Weird spoke of or she might not really know what she is up to herself.. on top of it all she may be unhappy with herself and unhappy in general so that she is trying to fix this by trying to get back with you to help solve it all!.. all sorts of possibilities as i have seen from the threads on here.. proceed with CAUTION!
Author quyster Posted November 17, 2004 Author Posted November 17, 2004 head/heels how would you suggest me to do at this point? base on your knowledge?????
murtucky Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 I would make a list... weigh the pros and cons...also, right down the issues that you had in the previous relationship... you must address BOTH of these with her before committing to another relationship with her... Keep the paper with you if you must...bring it out when talking just to keep focus. This is what i do when investing in something important...it keeps lust, impulse, and emotions at bay in a dicey situation... Address these things with her over time...not all at once. If it is something she really wants she'll hang in there and work with you.... If she is just looking for a security blanket or a good time...the answer will become clear over time. Lastly, tell her to take out her trash (the other dude) before inviting you over... You don't need to complicate your life by pissing off another dude or only getting half of her attention... REMEMBER SHE WANTS YOU BACK....make her earn it.
alphamale Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 quyster You are doing the exact right thing. If you do end up getting back with her you want to make her work for it and not get you back too easily otherwise your value will go down. In addition, if you make her work at gettin you back then she will think twice or thrice before breaking up with y ou again. ONe last word of advice quyster. Don't be friends with ex's no matter what. Only "nice" guys remain friends with ex's. Other than that you are doing OK in my book.
Good heart Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 make her suffer for 5 months asking you to come back to her and then get back to her if she still wants you back, in the mean time friendship is better, why, because you will be emotionally devastated if she leaves you again now for her bf of 2 months who I think will not give up easily. Sex is a battle Love is war
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