GTNBTTR Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Let me start by giving a little back ground on my relationship. My ex and I have been dating for a relatively short time(5 months). She is 25 and I am 28. This was her first relationship as she had been focused on getting through college and was/is completely devoted to her job. Things developed very quickly between us and we got serious. We have had three or so break ups due to her being unsure of what she wants. One night we can be super in love and the next morning she will wake up with a "feeling" that things just don't seem right. We have been separated for about two weeks and I am not all that tore up over it. I can still eat and sleep fine but I still have an urge to contact her. During our last break up I went NC for 7 days. I messaged her for something very simple and she gave me the "I can't not have you in my life, I have been crying a lot and miss you" speech. I caved but told her that I will not be friend zoned and it is either all or nothing. She understood and the next month was pure bliss. That leads me to my current situation. Now, let me start off to say that I am by no means perfect but this girl has so much experience being single that she has a major issue with things that are vital to making a relationship work. For instance she has this my way or the high way kind of thinking. She lacks the ability to compromise, hates confrontation, and I struggle with handling that. The thing that is weird is that she will bend over backwards for coworkers, family, etc. but as far as I am concerned she is set in her ways. The spark that my ex and I share is incredible. As long as she is not having some kind of "feeling" that causes her to end what we have we are great. The inability to compromise I feel can be resolved as we progress through our relationship. I believe she will become more mature and figure out that this is what she wants. My question is what do I do now? Do I just completely go NC and heal from everything? Do I keep in limited contact? Any thoughts and help with this is greatly appreciated.
Philosoraptor Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 She doesn't seem ready for any real commitment, which is why you've had all the breakups in just 5 months. Seems like you're at two different points in your lives. You can either wait for her to catch up and be casual, or move on to find someone who is on your level. Figure out what you want right now. If you want to wait for her, then stay in LC and be more casual as she has shown she's not ready for anything serious. If you want a true committed relationship, go NC and find someone who is at that same maturity level as you.
Author GTNBTTR Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 I don't know if I am ready to commit to a long period of waiting. I also do not like the LC. I have been trying that but part of me feels that as long as she thinks I will still be around that it's perfect for her as she can take her time while I am being strug along. I really care for her and think that we have a connection unlike any I have experienced before but at the same time I feel like I have to respect myself and refuse the breadcrumbs given through LC. I am at a point where emotion and logic are fighting to see which gets the upper hand. Emotion says we've had a very good relationship that should lead her back to me, but logic says that we have had three break ups and that her giving mixed signals to this extent is a deal breaker. I know from our past break ups that if I go NC she will come around eventually. She is at this point trying her own hand at NC. She says that she is not sure what she wants and does not want to hurt me. That it is best not to talk or see each other until things change for her. She said she wants to work on herself and that I am free to go do whatever I like be it dating someone new, random hook ups, etc. With how often she goes back and forth this whole outlook is likely to change very soon. I just am stuck wondering when that will be. Needless to say I am very confused.
Philosoraptor Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 When logic and emotion are at war, follow logic as it will be more likely to lead you in the direction best for your future. While you say you're confused, you show yourself as quite sure on what you know you should do. End things and find someone at the same place in life as you are. 1
Author GTNBTTR Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 I would say I am somewhat sure of what to do. I am not ready to go out and find a rebound girl. While I do have friends that I can go have fun with and call/text when I need to I still feel a void. Last weekend I went out with a good friend of mine and her and I had a good time over dinner and a movie. I have met a few new women as well. I have their phone numbers, I text them often just to carry on a conversation. I cannot bring myself to initiate a date, it is as if I have no desire to pursue them from that angle. I would much rather my ex look at everything we had, realize that is what she wants, and become serious about us. Do I see that happening though? Who knows. All I know is after three break ups I have grown inpatient for her needing space. I have tried my best to be patient and allow her to come around and maybe her missing me and me caving too soon is the reason why I am in this predicament.
Author GTNBTTR Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Bump.. Anyone else have an opinion?
Soat Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Nope. The other replies are right on. This isn't a good match. Move on
LinkWorshiper Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I would say I am somewhat sure of what to do. I am not ready to go out and find a rebound girl. While I do have friends that I can go have fun with and call/text when I need to I still feel a void. Last weekend I went out with a good friend of mine and her and I had a good time over dinner and a movie. I have met a few new women as well. I have their phone numbers, I text them often just to carry on a conversation. I cannot bring myself to initiate a date, it is as if I have no desire to pursue them from that angle. I would much rather my ex look at everything we had, realize that is what she wants, and become serious about us. Do I see that happening though? Who knows. All I know is after three break ups I have grown inpatient for her needing space. I have tried my best to be patient and allow her to come around and maybe her missing me and me caving too soon is the reason why I am in this predicament. In your boat here, bro. But the one thing I'm learning the hard way is that no matter how much kindness you show or where you personally are at (i.e. wanting to date etc.), that's not going to affect her and what she does or how she feels. I spent almost eight months being incredibly patient and kind with my man while he spun around in this confusing well of figuring himself out because I knew he really needed to. At the end of the day, he's starting "seeing someone else" but still "wants to have a deep, empathetic connection" with me. I am literally sick to my stomach that I am good enough for that, but not good enough to date when he used to love me so much. But don't beat yourself up for stuff that you've done, because you did it when you felt it was the right thing to do.
Author GTNBTTR Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 New update: My ex(dumper) requests that we not contact one another so I oblige. Two days go by and I receive a text message saying that she has been feeling sick lately, been very moody, paranoid, etc. She tells me that she is going to take a pregnancy test even though she has been on birth control and has been getting her period normally. I ignore this text and the day after respond with a simple did you take the test? She tells me she did and we get into a bit of small talk. The subject of sex gets brought up and we discuss the possibility of having sex even though we are separated and she wants no contact? She tells me she is sexually miserable and randomly has thoughts of us having sex and it is driving her crazy. I am in a drought myself so I wasn't completely against this idea. Here is the thing.. She was this very nice, lovable girl then we discussed her getting on birth control. She gets on birth control and it seems to have completely changed her. We had a few bumps in the road before but it is nothing compared to the problems we have had ever since she got on birth control. I talked to her a bit about that yesterday. She says she notices it affecting her at work as she is always paranoid that she may be doing something wrong, it has certainly affected us with the sudden willingness to talk to me, then being completely hateful to me, etc. The last thing I told her was that I have been talking to someone new and that I have been on one date with this girl. She responds that she wishes me the best and good luck. She has talked to her OBGYN about the problem and today will be the first day she stops taking her birth control. I guess we'll see how things go.
Chi townD Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Hmmm...you raise a good point! There are cases where women go on birth control and end up going bat sh*t crazy.
Author GTNBTTR Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 Yeah, it's the first time she has ever been on birth control so she doesn't know what works and what doesn't. She's just very confusing as she doesn't just go against my suggestions but also contradicts herself. My question is what do I do? Do I go into no contact again or do I have limited contact while she figures this out? As I have said she is getting off the birth control as of today so we should know real soon if her attitude changes or not. Do I hang around to find out or do I pursue the new girl more seriously? She did say that she just chooses to be single at this time but that it doesn't mean that she is emotionally ready to move on from me. She said she is glad I am and good luck. I know this was her being sarcastic as she more than likely is questioning my ability to move on so quickly. In all honestly, the new girl and I just chat and it involves none of the arguing and all that my ex and I currently share. That's the great thing about the beginning stage of meeting someone. I'm not necessarily moving on, it is more that I am enjoying my time talking to someone who doesn't feel the need to bite my head off. Any thoughts?
Chi townD Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Yeah, it's the first time she has ever been on birth control so she doesn't know what works and what doesn't. She's just very confusing as she doesn't just go against my suggestions but also contradicts herself. My question is what do I do? Do I go into no contact again or do I have limited contact while she figures this out? As I have said she is getting off the birth control as of today so we should know real soon if her attitude changes or not. Do I hang around to find out or do I pursue the new girl more seriously? She did say that she just chooses to be single at this time but that it doesn't mean that she is emotionally ready to move on from me. She said she is glad I am and good luck. I know this was her being sarcastic as she more than likely is questioning my ability to move on so quickly. In all honestly, the new girl and I just chat and it involves none of the arguing and all that my ex and I currently share. That's the great thing about the beginning stage of meeting someone. I'm not necessarily moving on, it is more that I am enjoying my time talking to someone who doesn't feel the need to bite my head off. Any thoughts? There's your answer.
Author GTNBTTR Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 I understand she chooses to be single. I am not trying to be with her at this time. My question was no contact, or limited contact? Give the new girl a chance or wait to see if being off birth controls turns her attitude around? I am in no means trying to push myself on her.
Chi townD Posted September 5, 2013 Posted September 5, 2013 Well, here comes a 2x4 to the head for ya! Sh*t or get off the pot. Either you wait and see if going off the BC's calms your Ex down; and even then, there no guarantee she'll want to come back. OR you start NC and give this new girl a chance. Because, right now, you're not being fair to the new girl with you being confused about the two. A girl that didn't ask for any of this. Only for a chance to get to know you and see where things go. OR! You dump the two of them and figure some sh*t out for yourself. Bottomline, you're not being fair to the new girl. So, sh*t or get off the pot before she gets any more emotionally invested in you.
Author GTNBTTR Posted September 5, 2013 Author Posted September 5, 2013 I hear you, me and the new girl are just talking at this point. I am not being unfair to her as things are still very new for us. We are in the getting to know one another stage which is far from a relationship. I will definitely not hurt her that's for sure. I am somewhat at a distance with her right now but it's not causing a negative affect for her or I.
Recommended Posts