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Reflecting on my past behaviors

ShiningMoon

By ShiningMoon
in General Relationship Discussion

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ShiningMoon Established Member

ShiningMoon

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi everyone,

 

I'm not sure where to post, but I thought this section would be appropriate.

 

I've been reflecting quite a lot on my past relationships/friendships/encounters and I noticed this pattern I have which is to always to blow people off for no real reason. Whenever I feel as though I might become friends with someone or whatever, I blow them off for no reason. Same in my dating life.

 

I don't have any real friends because I'm constantly blowing people off because of this fear I have. Last week, I made a list of every single person (whether I knew them for a week or years) I wronged in the past, and I apologized to all of them. None of them bothered responding, so I'm assuming they're not having it.

 

Now, I realize I'm completely alone. Some guy tried to assault me a few weeks ago when I was on vacation, and now I'm afraid of going out. Hence, I've been spending quite a lot of time at home reflecting on how lonely I am.

 

I just really don't know what to do. Where to start to fix this behavior?

Edited by ShiningMoon
Philosoraptor Established Member

Philosoraptor

Posted
Posted

Sounds like you may be afraid of letting people too close. I'm sorry to hear about your assault, hopefully you heal from whatever damage it may have caused.

 

If you want to begin letting people in you will need to figure out how to take down your guard and try to be the friend you'd want someone to be for you.

tman666 Established Member

tman666

Posted
Posted

Perhaps spending some time alone will help you form new perspectives on the value of forming genuine relationships with other people.

 

It might be worth taking some time to explore the reasons why you push people away after they cross a certain threshold of familiarity.

 

I've found that genuine friendships are a rare and precious thing. Most people, including myself, are capable of connecting with a lot of different people on a superficial level, but lasting, deep relationships require mutual trust and exposure of one's inner self to each other. This is a process that can take a lot of time and energy, as well as acceptance of a certain level of emotional risk.

 

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to emotional risk is part of the gamble.

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