Vinsanity1307 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Ok This is going to sound like the most screwed up story but here goes. I am a 27 year old guy who was in a "relationship" with a 35 year old women with three kids and divorced twice (Claimed both exes cheated on her). We started dating in 2008. Everything was good in the beginning, the sex was amazing (although nothing compared to the future with her sexually) and we got along. Then as time went on I learned she was still married (separated for about 1 year) and had not even filed for divorce yet. She told me she didnt have the money and whatnot. Anyways I ended meeting the kids 2 months into the relationship and they loved me twins that were 4 at the time and a 14 year old boy. As time went on I would bend over backwards for this girl from bringing the kids to school , getting them ready, or to just taking them out to chuck e cheese. As time went on she was still in contact with a guy she slept with before dating me, and they were talking sexually through facebook. Then her recent ex husband was saying sexual stuff as well to her through text messages. From there it only got worse (Although I couldnt prove anything i saw the messages on facebook of them just talking about it, as well as another guy I had no idea about but couldn't prove it . This girl had alot of health issues that I would stay by her side for operations and whatnot until recovery. So after about a year I was in love with her regardless of all the issues and we got engaged. I was doing everything and anything for her. About 6 months later she dumped me after me bringing up her still talking with these guys. I begged tried buying her things but nothing worked I was heart broken. I tried talking to her about what I did and she ended up running over my foot and as she drove away saying don't bother her anymore... She threw me down stairs if I tried hugging her and I ended up hitting my head and she just leaves.... I eventually left her alone and about 10 days later of no contact she texted me. Just saying ok...... We end up talking in person then having sex and getting back together. As time went on she still was sketchy and*mean*towards me so I told her I didnt want to commit to her anymore after about 2 months. She was devastated. We continued to date but nothing official and I was going on dating websites which destroyed her and she would beg and plead for me to stop and be her bf. I stopped going on the sites as we continued to "date" unless we had a big fight. I would go back on the dating website to piss her off. Then suspend it once everything was settled...For the next 2.5 years she turned into a wonderful person doing anything and everything for me. Even quit smoking for me after smoking for 15 years. I had the I dont care attitude but def showed her the love here and there. We basically acted as a couple unofficially.....Also during this 2.5 years she lost her job and was having issues keeping a car,and even a cell phone. She was going to school to be an EMT after losing her job in late 2010. About 2 months ago i decided enough was enough and would consider making a real go at the relationship seriously. She just recently got her **** together and is an EMT , has a car,and her own cell line that I bought for her.... I was nicer but not needy still had that i dont care attitude but ALOT nicer And giving the relationship a real go... We did beyond things you could imagine sexually(and things she was petrified to do in the beginning.)She would beg for sex from me or pleasure me whenever. It was great And no words can describe the sexual chemistry we had...... We were even getting along really well .We went to Maine together and she was all over me as I was her. She had to leave maine cause she just started a new job and could only get 2 days off. But she drove to and from maine 3 times just to see me.... So when I came back about a day later she wrote me an email saying she no longer wanted kids and ( which is something I wanted and something she promised she would give me for 5 years) she was too afraid of my response cause she thought I would leave her is what the email said. I was upset but told her having her in my life was more important. This was a once and a lifetime chemistry which it really was....She didn't believe so I showed her the engagement ring I bought her to show I was ready to commit and be with her forever. About 2 days later she texts me and dumps me out of the blue . She said she is not in love with me and we hurt each other too much... I begged and pleaded but she just started being mean.I showed up at her house and she flipped out and saw she was even smoking again. She threatened to call the police if I didnt leave. After a while I left. Said Id rather die then go through pain without her she said go ahead and kill yourself then. I wrote her one last text and nothing. So a week and a half go by with no contact and I really still wanted her back. I ended up breaking no contact and I showed up at her house again and tried talking...I quickly looked at her phone and saw she was texting a guy she use to screw right before dating me who is about 40 and he sleeps around ..I am not being conceited but I am a fit 27 year old who works out have muscles w/e..I don't understand going from me to back to him especially after her being all over me in Maine and this guy was one of the guys going for her when we were engaged.....regardless....i acted cool and said I guess that's the nail in the coffin for me... . I told her I loved her and left....Its been almost been 7 weeks since D day and 35 days of no contact I really want her back and have no idea what to do...I am having anxiety issues (chest apain and shaking) constantly, and cant seem to be shaking these feelings .I spend about 80% of the day thinking of her and the good times ...no matter how hard I try to stop the good thoughts storm in........what do you think I should do...And of this situation..what happened??? Please help....I feel im going nuts
loversquarrel Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 That sounds rough. I think you should look at the whole picture here....Her talking to another old flame again....taking up smoking again....same hurtful behaviors as before. All of these behaviors are indicative of a person who hasn't changed. You've got a toxic relationship, you should really try to move on. At this point it might help you to gind a good therapist to help you through your situation.
Msnatural25 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 [ I really want her back and have no idea what to do...I am having anxiety issues (chest apain and shaking) constantly, and cant seem to be shaking these feelings .I spend about 80% of the day thinking of her and the good times ...no matter how hard I try to stop the good thoughts storm in........what do you think I should do...And of this situation..what happened??? Please help....I feel im going nuts Maybe by giving you advice I can help myself. What I have been doing is forcing myself not to think about my ex. At least for 10 minutes. Set a timer. And do something else for at least 10 minutes and put the situation out of your mind. Start small
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 I will try that....Thank you for your replies...Just a tough tough time. Having the anxiety right now...
todreaminblue Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 (edited) Even if you were to go back to this woman ......the kids must be really confused......mum loves him......nah mum loves him not ......yessssssss mum loves him......nahhhhhhhh mum loves him not........hey mum i really liked him you know when is he coming back? you mention the kids minimally, doesnt sound like anyone is concentrating on them, you do things to piss her off and she is violent with you or has been.......doesnt seem very family orientated she needs help, her kids probably more help than she, and if you are serious about a guy and you have kids.......you make damn sure that guy is going to stick around and you really care for him enough to want that guy in your life you dotn kick him to kerb at every available option and say yeah he is gone now...hang on.....i want him back..silly me.....unlike the deadbeat dads in the past.....they need constant and positive role models males who are constant...mother even more so......... stop playign games......tell her she needs help if you ever consider going back to her and in my opinion family therapy woudl eb a good idea...because you havent mentioned what the kids think once.....if they really like you...how cruel is that to walk in and out of their lives or her to boot you at any given opportunity and be violent doing it........that is not constancy sure as hell isnt right........... stuff the sex..i dont care how good it is..think of the kids........she is not singular...she is a package deal ......she needs to also think of that...before she decides again she wants you as part of her family,she needs to come to a decision where you can grow as a family or you can remain apart and she can heal her family....i chose to not date to heal my family after i broke up with my ex....best decision i ever made....if i introduce someone....it is not going to be someone who i would boot when pissed off with them...or they would walk if it got rough....it will be a man who wants to share my whole life(kids included) and i want him as a part of mine... family should stick together.........that includes when you extend that family to include the life of another person..........they then.....are part of that family ...i wish you much luck and hope that whatever is best for all of you is what is going to happen.....she is probably going to ask you to return....i woudl bet on it....maybe after a few bad relationships that her kids cringe through and dry her tears with their own hands adn say you know mum he was really mean to us when you werent around..........and say its ok mum we love you......if you take her back....or go back....you do it...make it right..you be the strong constant one....get her help and be a family....if that is what happens...........deb Edited August 29, 2013 by todreaminblue
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Deb thank you for your response....I do feel bad for the kids... When we first started dating like the first year or two the ex husband would down me to the kids cause they would mention me and how much fun they had or something I bought them..they werent aloud to bring my name up even though sometimes it slipped (they told me this) He would tell them hed kick my ass and whatnot..Enough about the ex husband though....The kids loved me ..Past year or so they didnt see me as often as they use to cause I worked two jobs...Was looking one decent job and planned on moving in to together (she was jobless for three years ) so we were so close seeing she just got one.. Anyways there were red flags in her parental views that I would speak with her about (aside of course) the kids were swearing since I known them at 4 ...all the swears..She was letting them watch R movies at about 7...She let her oldest who is now 18 drop from high school..And this one always bothered me..few years ago her and her son use to wrestle just having fun she would let her son grab her boob or her vajayjay and didnt bother her she laughed.... And then one of the most disrespectful things I ever seen one day I think he was 16 or 17 came down and through all his pubic hair at her and they both laughed...I was disgusted... I talked to her about how disrespectful this was but caused a fight obviously....I know all this is not the kids fault..and I do care for them and was accepted her baggage. I told her that Id rather have our connection than anything else ya know...So yeah thats how that situation is...
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