kiario Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 I'm sorry for the detail... My Ex broke up with me about 5 or 6 weeks ago, and I can't get her out of my head. I'm 18, she was my first girlfriend, and although our relationship only lasted a few months, I can't get her out of my mind. I know it sounds trivial compared to some peoples relationships of 1, 2, 3+ years, but it's not trivial to me, and the hurt runs deep. The fact that I'm thinking about her this much must mean I loved her, making her my first real love if my math checks out. She had a fear of relationships (one of the reasons I was very careful to not jump into things too heavily. I never told her I loved her in the relationship, because I wanted to be sure of it before saying something like that) and the breakup came out of nowhere to me. One day everything was great and I couldn't see anything wrong, we were like best friends, but the next apparently things had changed. After that she suggested taking a break, and when we reconvened, she decided that we couldn't continue this successfully. Apparently I'm such a good guy and was great to her. She repeatedly told me she had never had a boyfriend like me before, and that she liked me more than anyone she ever had. Apparently, she couldn't be herself around me fully though. This confused me as she was very much herself around me for 99% of the relationship and never once expressed any concern. I never really got a definite reason as to why she broke up with me, she mentioned a few little things, all of which could have very easily been rectified had I known about them before her mind was made up. Thinking about this upsets me a great deal, as she wanted us to be able to talk about anything, something I very much wanted, as to work out issues before they were too big. But, as I said, this came out of nowhere to me. This leads me to the issue that I can't stop thinking about her. I mull over why she broke up with me, what I would say to her if we met again, etc etc. I spoke to her once a few days after the breakup to just clarify the reasons it ended (they still don't make sense to me), and I don't intend on speaking to her for a while. She wants to stay friends, but I told her I can't speak to her for a long time in order to subside my feelings, if that will happen at all. Don't get me wrong, I don't sit in my room with pictures of her humming her name. I move on with my life and endure. I go to gym regularly, work, see friends etc, but whenever I get a free moment, I think about her, or whenever I see a photo of her or if she is online on facebook or something else trivial I get upset for a little while. Does anyone have advice or cheery words... or even a joke that'd take my mind off her for a moment?
unexpectedlyhere Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 The pain you feel is real and it's always the same no matter how long or short the relationship. It's explained here in this amazing guide that an LS member now using the nickname "Recovered" posted a while back: The Pain of Rejection is Real Read this and the rest, it will help. What sometimes differs between younger and older people in here, or people who have been in longer relationships, is that those who are a bit older may have gone through a few of these experiences and know that things are fine eventually anyway, or they have other things to be worry about that keep them ticking. Or for longer relationships (and here I'm definitely talking for personal experience) the reaction pretty early on is "This is so huge that it could completely sweep me over, and I won't let it", which gives you extra strength to fight. Don't waste time thinking "I shouldn't be feeling this way". Get on with your healing process.
Recommended Posts