louise_23 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 my boyfriend of 5 months has been living with me and my parents for 2 months. We were planning to get a place together in one months time,i have the furniture ordered in my name. I got rid of my car because we were supposed to share his and it would be cheaper. my car got picked up this morning & the furniture order was finalised 2 days ago. Our relationship is amazing with one downside....he smokes weed. I let it slide before he was living with us but now he is, and now we are supposed to be getting a place together, i'd rather it wasnt a part of our relationship as i do not particularly want to live with him reverting to his old ways and smoking every day again, or even every week, he is no good to me stoned, he is argumentative and lazy. He came home this morning and broke up with me because he wants to smoke weed for the rest of his life, previously he told me he wanted to get married and have children and if children were in the picture he would definitely give up. he has changed this this morning to if he cant smoke weed every week forevermore he doesnt want to be with me. I am not sure if this is the entire reason, he also cited me questioning his relationship with a married woman after she went out of her way to see him alone. she is constantly messaging him aswell, every week, i asked why i wasnt invited along to see her as it was whiile we were on holiday in his home country and he cancelled the meeting with her and has been angry with me since. i saw one of her messages after this and it said it was so hard not to see him but she is trying her best. something doesnt feel right about their 'friendship'. thing is, now i dont know what to do. he lives with me and my parents rent free, eating our food, and he has told me that i need to give him time to find somewhere else. we share a single bed, this situation is far from ideal. i dont know what im asking really, i feel like ive been hit by a train. he did this today of all days when my mother has just gone to hospital, im questioning if he changes his mind about us should i take him back or not. i dont know if he is trying to scare me into backing down about the weed thing or what.
soccerrprp Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Yikes, sorry you're going through this! My suggestions: 1. Call his bluff and tell him that you want him to move out by the end of the weekend. 2. Don't you dare compromise on the weed issue. You know that it's bad news all around! 3. Tell you parent(s). Be prepared to have his stoned-toosh forced out if he resists by calling authorities, friends, family to help "motivate" him 4. Whatever you do, don't fall for the sob story. He's clearly revealed where his priorities are and is arrogant (or stoned) enough to disrespect you, you home and your family 5. Other woman. Another reason to give him the boot. You really need to find better. Good luck! 8
ForgetMeNots Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 He's probably gone off to the other girl.Don't accept him back either.He chose weed and other girl over you, and is probably so lost in his addiction he went back into withdrawl and doesnt look like he will comeback willingly.I know it's hard but move on 2
Treasa Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Pack up his ****, hand it to him, and tell him to leave today. He doesn't have a place to live? Tough ****. Moron should have thought of that before breaking up with you. He can piss off. And if you actually want him back, then I will have to start my headdesking early today. 7
AMusing Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 I'm sorry you're going through this Louise. I was fairly ambivalent about the story until I read that he won't move out of your parents' house after breaking up with you, and is freeloading from them, nonetheless! Do your parents know you broke up? The ex needs to be kicked out of their house asap, and I have a feeling they'd be more than happy to help speed the process along. He needs time to find a place? Tell him he has this long holiday weekend to look, but after that he is no longer welcome in your home. That is being very, very generous. Until the weekend ends, he can sleep on the couch; he's lost his right to sleep in your bed, don't you think? In a few years, you will be so glad you broke up with this guy. Trust me, I've been in your shoes! For now, turn to your parents for help kicking him out and your friends for emotional support, and stay strong: don't take the using doofus back. 2
HappyLove Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Wow, this guy isn't walking all over you he's dancing and doing the moonwalk with jazz hands. I think you really need to take a look at YOURSELF on this one. This guy is lazy, no job, lives off your PARENTS, eats up the food, AND had the nerve to break up with you while still living in YOUR house and he's still chilling?! That fool would of been out the door in 2 seconds. If you have ANY kind of respect for yourself you tell him he has this weekend to be gone or you will be calling the police to get him out, you can keep the police part secret until he refuses to leave incase he becomes hostile. Where he goes is HIS problem., shoulda thought about that. And you think you might change your mind if he changes his pathetic story or basically tells you want you want to hear so he has a place to freeload? All that AND he's clearly cheating with a MARRIED woman! Sometimes we have to do better for ourselves. You deserve so much more. Good Luck! 4
HappyLove Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Still scratching my head on this one so re-read so he seems like he has a job lives rent free so he should have savings to move out. He thinks he's found some real suckers. 2
Treasa Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Wow, this guy isn't walking all over you he's dancing and doing the moonwalk with jazz hands. I think you really need to take a look at YOURSELF on this one. This guy is lazy, no job, lives off your PARENTS, eats up the food, AND had the nerve to break up with you while still living in YOUR house and he's still chilling?! That fool would of been out the door in 2 seconds. If you have ANY kind of respect for yourself you tell him he has this weekend to be gone or you will be calling the police to get him out, you can keep the police part secret until he refuses to leave incase he becomes hostile. Where he goes is HIS problem., shoulda thought about that. And you think you might change your mind if he changes his pathetic story or basically tells you want you want to hear so he has a place to freeload? All that AND he's clearly cheating with a MARRIED woman! Sometimes we have to do better for ourselves. You deserve so much more. Good Luck! Ok, it's early, but this is already my favorite post of the day. HappyLove wins. Also, the jazz hands thing made me 1
Treasa Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 (edited) I've rethought my stance. I think you should give him an hour to stay for every month you've been together. In four hours and 30 minutes, get ready to call the police. At that point, idiot boy has 30 minutes left to get his lazy ass out of your parents' house. Actions have consequences. Better he learn them now rather than later. The fact that he told you that you have to let him stay there boggles my mind. You don't have to do jack ****. This guy lived off your parents, who love you a hell of a lot, and then broke up with you. I presume it's summer where you are. He won't die of cold. Edited August 29, 2013 by Treasa 2
Author louise_23 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 I've rethought my stance. I think you should give him an hour to stay for every month you've been together. In four hours and 30 minutes, get ready to call the police. At that point, idiot boy has 30 minutes left to get his lazy ass out of your parents' house. Actions have consequences. Better he learn them now rather than later. The fact that he told you that you have to let him stay there boggles my mind. You don't have to do jack ****. This guy lived off your parents, who love you a hell of a lot, and then broke up with you. I presume it's summer where you are. He won't die of cold. i appreciate all the advice, but this is the first time i have laughed today on this one sound advice definitely, i feel guilty that he has no where else to go but at this point why should i care anymore what happens to him i guess. but as you say, actions have consequences. thank you so much xx 4
Treasa Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 i appreciate all the advice, but this is the first time i have laughed today on this one sound advice definitely, i feel guilty that he has no where else to go but at this point why should i care anymore what happens to him i guess. but as you say, actions have consequences. thank you so much xx Darling, I know it's hard, and it takes a set of iron balls to stand up for yourself when you still have feelings for him, but do what's right for YOU. You shouldn't feel guilty. He brought this on himself. Either way, I wish you the best, and lots of love and support. 2
Zahara Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 So, a 5 month relationship. You probably knew he was smoking weed when you met him. Yet, you believe after just this short period of time that he will stop when it's time to start a family just because he said so! People will say anything you want to hear when the relationship is fresh. Moving forward, don't move in together so quickly, don't believe everything anyone tells you and choose a partner that has the same values as you do versus choosing someone who has habits that could be dealbreakers because you hope they will change. What to do if he changes his mind? Can you imagine what would happen if one day you both married, had kids and he reverted back to weed? What would you do with an argumentative, lazy husband, but worse of all have your kids have such a role model for a father. Kick the leech out. The big balls on him to break up with you, yet eat your food, sleep in your bed, have the nerve to fool around with some married woman. Where's your head? Pack his shytt, change the locks, and send him off. Set higher standards for yourself. Please. 6
yessy21 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 I'm going to tell you this like if you were my daughter. KICK HIS BUT+ OUT! Not because of the pot or anything cause that is something that could easily be fixed... believe it or not... pot isn't really addicting its the whole persona of doing it that is addicting. But because he is totally screwing around with another chick and because he is disrespecting you and your parents. Let that man tell me he needs to wait to move out.... I got a a wooden plank right here.... Bend over ill direct you to the door, let the plank help you. Tell him that by the end of this week he needs to go. He can go to that chicks house.... or to his friends house... or to his dealers house... or to his parents house... or to the homeless shelter in downtown. But lay next to you in a bed? that man got some NERVE I tell you. you let him get away with this ... he will get away with much more. and that 'friendship' is obviously more than a friendship. Take it from me that If you don't do it you'll regret it. He wont CHANGE... he will just alter himself to hide his habits from you in a better form.
Treasa Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 I changed my mind again, but only a little bit. Originally I thought you should have him out of the house by the end of the day. And then within five hours. Is he there right now? If not, pack up his **** and put it on the curb for him and send him a text letting him know where it is. Change the locks immediately. 1
GorillaTheater Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 We've pretty well covered why you shouldn't be putting up with this stupid crap. The question I have is why your parents, particularly your dad, is putting up with this stupid crap. This f*cking leach would've been out on his ass weeks ago in my house. 2
HappyLove Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 We've pretty well covered why you shouldn't be putting up with this stupid crap. The question I have is why your parents, particularly your dad, is putting up with this stupid crap. This f*cking leach would've been out on his ass weeks ago in my house. He never would have moved in to begin with in my house! There's no marriage engagement only knew each other 3 months he could be on America's most wanted for all I know. HELL NO! 3
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