How do I win her love back?

[TheOne25]

Gonna try keep this sweet and simple as always I posted a question on here a few days back. It was about me having met a girl online & us falling for each other. She began drifting away from me in the past 2 months, and I decided to check up on her. She caught me, and I spoke to her about it & explained why I did it. She forgave me, but she feels "voilated" as it was her privacy I invaded.

 

She doesn't want to say she loves me nor wants to hear it as yet. She feels unfortable and needs some time to get over what I did. I need to win back her love and get things back to normal.

 

Below is the question I asked last week (for reference). I got my answer to the question below, and she forgave me, but now I need advice as to how I can win her love back??

 

Should I give her more time or should I give her some space?

What should I do?

 

For Ref (question asked last week)

"Alright, gonna try make this sweet and simple. I met a girl online around 9 months ago, we started chatting and eventually fell for one another. We're planning on meeting around Christmas for the 1st time, seen other on webcam etc, so she's real. We're both in our mid 20's.

 

It was all going perfect until 2 months ago when she joined a new forum. She told me about it as she's honest with me about everything. She started spending less time with me since then. I wanted to talk to her about it but she's a little emotional and every time I talk to her, she ends up crying, so the last thing I wanna do is hurt her feelings.

 

Anyway, I secretly joined the forum too and found out that she's talking to people there, but a friendly chat. I have no idea how but she found out that I had a profile there. She sent a message on that forum saying "we need to have a little chat". I responded saying "about" & she said "I think you know what's it about". I did reply saying "I dont" and she left it at that. We haven't spoken since and it's been 2 days. She know's its me. Tbh, I wasn't stalking her, I wanted to know what she was up to. I am scared I'm gonna lose her.

 

I am gonna try talk to her tomorrow, but I'm really worried that she might end it. I don't want to lose this girl.. Please help me! All advice is welcome.

 

P.s. I'm not some freak, I've had gf's, real ones in my own city but I really like this girl and I want to be with her. The reason I checked up on her is because I feel like she's drifting away and that forum is the reason"

[darkmoon]

"She feels unfortable and needs some time to get over what I did"

 

hey, she already told you - she needs time, you cold try gifting her I suppose, but make no demands, nobody wants demands/commands

[TheOne25]

"She feels unfortable and needs some time to get over what I did"

 

hey, she already told you - she needs time, you cold try gifting her I suppose, but make no demands, nobody wants demands/commands

 

She said many things including "it's up to you making this up to me", so I really don't know. I have hurt her feelings in the past, but this is different. I crossed a line this time and making this right again will take time.

 

Gifting her? How? She's online & I haven't met her as yet.

[darkmoon]

She said many things including "it's up to you making this up to me", so I really don't know. I have hurt her feelings in the past, but this is different. I crossed a line this time and making this right again will take time.

 

Gifting her? How? She's online & I haven't met her as yet.

 

sorry, but you must just give her time, that is what she asked for

 

others here may have other ideas

[TheOne25]

sorry, but you must just give her time, that is what she asked for

 

others here may have other ideas

 

 

I know I need to give her time, but I'm not too sure how much space to give her, it's just that I don't want her to think I don't give a sh*t, because I do.

 

In my experience, when women are upset, the guy needs to try talk to her, show her that he cares. And as a guy, we need to be left well alone to calm down..

 

You're a woman right - if this was your case - what would you want the guy to do? And how much space would you want?

[justwhoiam]

She doesn't want to say she loves me nor wants to hear it as yet. She feels unfortable and needs some time to get over what I did. I need to win back her love and get things back to normal.

 

how I can win her love back??

The million dollar question... probably she knows in her mind what you should do, you don't.

 

Should I give her more time or should I give her some space?

Both.

 

What should I do?

We don't know her, so we can't tell you for sure.

 

She said many things including "it's up to you making this up to me"

That's what I would say too.

 

Gifting her? How? She's online & I haven't met her as yet.

Really? Then you should meet her and stop calling her girlfriend. And don't have too many expectations if you never met her.

 

In my experience, when women are upset, the guy needs to try talk to her, show her that he cares.

Usually...

 

You're a woman right - if this was your case - what would you want the guy to do? And how much space would you want?

I'd want him to go out of his way...... give the right meaning to words and not just say sorry because he has to... Do special things for me to show he loves me. Space would mean blind trusting me without neglecting me nor stopping being midly jealous.

 

That said, if for whatever reason you're not going to meet her, don't expect to be taken seriously or that your love is taken seriously.

[todreaminblue]

She is probably going to be upset with you yes, you didnt come clean so you were in stealth mode...whether it was stalking or not...you went on to find out what she was doing....you felt insecure and had a a lack of trust in her.....

 

 

if she truly cares about you ....you are in trouble buddy, take it like a man....say you are sorry ...if she cares.....she will forgive you.......if you are honest and accept yep i did the wrong thing will not repeat.......she most likely will forgive...hopefully for you......

 

 

how she found out is you probably said something unconsciously that clued her into the fact it was way too similar too something she posted, or you posted or someone else posted...you happen to say it when it is fresh in her mind.......happens.......... and then just checked you out ..process of elimination and checking out new posters maybe or threads she remembers.......so you is busted........people make mistakes...it was a mistake to track her and not let her know you had joined the forum.......hope it works out for you....dont do it again i would suggest if you want to stay with her in the future.....deb

[TheOne25]

The million dollar question... probably she knows in her mind what you should do, you don't.

 

Million dollar, nah, more like billion dollar question She probably does know but I need to figure it out.

 

Both.

 

How do I give her space and more time?

 

We don't know her, so we can't tell you for sure.

 

I know but you can give your opinion as to what you would want, like you did below, thanks

 

That's what I would say too.

 

Looks like you think similar to her..

 

Really? Then you should meet her and stop calling her girlfriend. And don't have too many expectations if you never met her.

 

I don't think I've ever refered to her as "girlfriend". I want to meet her but can't now, until I fix what I did.

 

Usually...

 

More like always lol...

 

I'd want him to go out of his way...... give the right meaning to words and not just say sorry because he has to... Do special things for me to show he loves me. Space would mean blind trusting me without neglecting me nor stopping being midly jealous.

 

That said, if for whatever reason you're not going to meet her, don't expect to be taken seriously or that your love is taken seriously.

 

I have gone out of my way plenty of times, she knows I would do just about anything for her. And this time, I need to think what I should do, I have a few ideas but some are cheesy and some are a bit crazy lol.

 

I do trust her, it's just that I'm a little.. ok not a little, I am very protective about her. I want to know she's always safe. She lives in a sh*thole.

 

I want to meet her but I'm gonna have to postpone it until I get things back on track and re-win her heart. I know, I've got a little attached & I've de-attached myself since then.

[TheOne25]

She is probably going to be upset with you yes, you didnt come clean so you were in stealth mode...whether it was stalking or not...you went on to find out what she was doing....you felt insecure and had a a lack of trust in her.....

 

 

if she truly cares about you ....you are in trouble buddy, take it like a man....say you are sorry ...if she cares.....she will forgive you.......if you are honest and accept yep i did the wrong thing will not repeat.......she most likely will forgive...hopefully for you......

 

 

how she found out is you probably said something unconsciously that clued her into the fact it was way too similar too something she posted, or you posted or someone else posted...you happen to say it when it is fresh in her mind.......happens.......... and then just checked you out ..process of elimination and checking out new posters maybe or threads she remembers.......so you is busted........people make mistakes...it was a mistake to track her and not let her know you had joined the forum.......hope it works out for you....dont do it again i would suggest if you want to stay with her in the future.....deb

 

 

I know, she is in her words "f*ckin pissed off" and "I crossed a line". But I was gonna tell her and she knows it too. I mentioned to her a few weeks back that I wanted to tell her something, and she remembers me saying that..

 

She did forgive me, but the problem is that she's very upset. I need to re-win her heart and love, that's what I want advice on - any ideas??

 

Nah, she told me how she found out, she's apparantly been promoted to admin on the site and has access to everything, so she could see the email add I signed up with..

 

I have no intention of doing it again because I'm not gonna risk losing her again..

[His]

You're at the stage in the relationship where things change. It will go back to normal, but not without a lot of work. I am the type who needs physical touch and LDR is work for me, but together we do it. You two need to meet pronto.

[ThisGal]

I know, she is in her words "f*ckin pissed off" and "I crossed a line". But I was gonna tell her and she knows it too. I mentioned to her a few weeks back that I wanted to tell her something, and she remembers me saying that..

 

She did forgive me, but the problem is that she's very upset. I need to re-win her heart and love, that's what I want advice on - any ideas??

 

Nah, she told me how she found out, she's apparantly been promoted to admin on the site and has access to everything, so she could see the email add I signed up with..

 

I have no intention of doing it again because I'm not gonna risk losing her again..

 

I just finished replying to your last thread, didn't know you made this thread until now so this was the update I was asking for. Great.

 

I think she's being overly dramatic! Yes, what you did was wrong, but you've apologized and it wasn't like you were trying to be spiteful or malicious when you signed up on the forum to spy (which is obviously a public site btw, not private), but you were trying to see why she has been neglecting you lately. We all make foolish decisions but it's time for her to forgive and move past this. She says she has forgiven you but true forgiveness does not revisit the same issues over-and-over again. And you ask us "how do I win her love back' but if she sincerely loved you there would be no winning back because that love would not have been lost in the first place. Real love does not just go away with a blink of an eye.

 

Her refusing to say she loves you back is immature. You both are in your mid 20s, not high school. She needs to grow up, as well as you. Looks like she's prolonging this issue because she likes the attention she's getting out of it. She probably likes you groveling at her feet. No relationship can be successful if one is unable to communicate maturely.

 

You two need to have a serious, adult conversation and settle this issue. If she's unwilling to let go of this then you need to end communication and give her some space. Allow her to initiate contact but do not contact her first. If she never contacts yo again then you'll know your answer, she never truly cared anyway. You've already made an effort and she's not accepting it. Quit banging your head against the wall for a measly mistake that you made. It's time to move forward.

 

Btw, you two have been 'dating' for way too long not to have met in person yet! Seems like she's also stringing you along and has found a new excuse (this fight) to prolong the meet. If that's not the case then you two should set a date to meet in person. Being online and being in person is completely different. Ya'll have been together for 9 months and that is more than enough time to have had met already, especially if you two live in the same country! Do yourselves a favor and get the in-person meeting out of the way. You 2 need real face-to-face interaction to proceed this relationship otherwise, you two are wasting each other's time and this is nothing more than a pen pal situation. Take care.

Edited August 30, 2013 by ThisGal

[TheOne25]

You're at the stage in the relationship where things change. It will go back to normal, but not without a lot of work. I am the type who needs physical touch and LDR is work for me, but together we do it. You two need to meet pronto.

 

 

I know, it's not the lovey-dovey stage no more.

 

"It will go back to normal, but not without a lot of work" - what does that mean? I'm ready to put in the effort but it's her side that needs to do the same too..

[TheOne25]

I just finished replying to your last thread, didn't know you made this thread until now so this was the update I was asking for. Great.

 

I think she's being overly dramatic! Yes, whatt you did was wrong, but you've apologized and it wasn't like you were rying to be spiteful or malicious when you signed up on the forum to spy (which is obviously a public site btw, not private), but you were trying to see why she has been neglecting you lately. We all make foolish decisions but it's time for her to forgive and move past this. She says she has forgiven you but true forgiveness does not revisit the same issues over-and-over again. And you ask us "how do I win her love back' but if she sincerely loved you there would be no winning back because that love would not have been lost in the first place. Real love does not just go away with a blink of an eye.

 

Her refusing to say she loves you back is immature. You both are in your mid 20s, not high school. She needs to grow up, as well as you. Looks like she's prolonging this issue because she likes the attention she's getting out of it. She probably likes you groveling at her feet. No relationship can be successful if one is unable to communicate maturely.

 

You two need to have a serious, adult conversation and settle this issue. If she's unwilling to let go of this then you need to end communication and give her some space. Allow her to initiate contact but do not contact her first. If she never contacts yo again then you'll know your answer, she never truly cared anyway. You've already made an effort and she's not accepting it. Quit banging your head against the wall for a measly mistake that you made. It's time to move forward.

 

Btw, you two have been 'dating' for way too long not to have met in person yet! Seems like she's also stringing you along and has found a new excuse (this fight) to prolong the meet. If that's not the case then you two should set a date to meet in person. Being online and being in person is completely different. Ya'll have been together for 9 months and that is more than enough time to have had met already, especially if you two live in the same country! Do yourselves a favor and get the in-person meeting out of the way. You 2 need real face-to-face interaction to proceed this relationship otherwise, you two are wasting each other's time and this is nothing more than a pen pal situation. Take care.

 

 

Yep, I replied to that, and just saw your post on here too. Thanks for the advice

 

I know she's being a bit dramatic about it, but it was my fault. I have crossed a line. She still loves me, but because of what I did, she's upset. I know if something were to happen to me, it'd hurt her like hell, I know she cares & she has the full right to be pissed off at me.

 

"She probably likes you groveling at her feet" - Hmmm, that doesn't happen, we usually end up arguing about things, but this time, I'm completely at fault, and I need to make things right again..

 

I know and I'll try talk to her soon. I'm gonna try make this up to her, try get things normal again, and then give her some space. It'll tell me whether she cares or not. It's just gonna be hard not talking to her for a few days..

 

Trust me, we would have met by now but it's hard, we both live too far from one another. It'll take me 24hrs by plane just to get there/vice-versa. Maybe I'm being strung along, I don't know but we'll find out very soon.

[justwhoiam]

I am the type who needs physical touch

Yes... I agree with this. Even in the most desperate situation, if he's there, everything can be fixed much quicker.

 

You two need to meet pronto.

Words of wisdom...

 

She probably does know but I need to figure it out.

That is something that usually makes me upset on a time when I'm already upset... When he asks "what can I do?" or something similar. And the secret is "Don't f ask me! Just do something. Anything will be better than not doing anything". And the more time goes by, the worse it gets if it looks like he's doing nothing, because he doesn't know what to do... I know, maybe I'm strange.

 

How do I give her space and more time?

I have no idea... But I know I happened to tell him, when I was really really upset, to just leave me alone. Did I really want to be on my own for like days or a week or more? No. Never. I wanted him to stick around like not signing off from Skype, even though I'm not talking for like an hour, because I start thinking, analyzing, etc. I never really told him, I guess he just figured it out on his own, that he didn't have to leave me alone, or it was going to just get worse. And endure the s--ty situation, even for 2 or 3 days. I guess everyone's different, but that showed a whole lot of patience. If the guy disappears and comes back after 3 days or a week, that wouldn't be for me. That slight feeling distant would turn into growing apart, where making up would become more and more difficult with each day going by.

 

you can give your opinion as to what you would want

I guess if he happened to read it then, it would really get p--sed off. Not telling him and telling you.........

 

Looks like you think similar to her..

Apparently, we might have something in common. But think of it this way: you go to a friend's house and break an old, valuable vase accidentally. You can just say sorry and leave, thinking you did what you could, that is saying sorry. But how sorry are you? If you really care you offer to repair the vase with your hands, or to take it to some restorer. Some will offer to pay for the vase, but money can't always buy everything... Or you could offer to get a similar one... As you can see, just saying sorry can be perceived as a "let's get over it right away", showing you're insensitive. I don't want to make a case out of it, as it wouldn't have been such a big deal for me. But I admit that there were things that were huge to me, and probably not a big deal for most people.

 

I have gone out of my way plenty of times

How?

 

this time, I need to think what I should do, I have a few ideas but some are cheesy and some are a bit crazy lol.

If it's too theatrical that it can embarass me, then I won't like it. Though surely something I won't forget.

 

She lives in a sh*thole.

Wow. That's some pretty harsh statement. Where the heck does she live?

 

I want to meet her but I'm gonna have to postpone it until I get things back on track and re-win her heart.

It's taking you too much time... really. Something like this must be fixed ASAP. Like same day or next day. Not dragged along for days or weeks.

[gaius]

Sometimes relationships just grind to an end and there's nothing much you can do about it. I will say though you gotta dump this attitude that you did something wrong. Have pride in who you are and what you do, even if it's a little weird or out there. Or else girls are going to lose interest.

 

You really didn't commit a crime here. She's posting on a public forum for christ sake, she has no expectation of privacy. And you're a partner in this relationship as well. If she's wasting your time and neglecting you then you have every right to poke around and see if something else might be going on. To try and determine the cause. You would be a total douche not to.