Chris715 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 I'm trying to sleep but I can't, started having thoughts of suicide. I've been on this forum for months now and have had zero improvement in how I feel. I don't see a future for myself without my ex, and as sad as it sounds she was one of the few things I was living for when we were together last year, and now that's gone. And this whole thing has been one giant endless cycle for me. You think I would've learned by now but I broke NC again today like a ****ing idiot, so back to square one I guess. I'm tired of all of this and of living this way, just want it to end.
Author Chris715 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 I'm doing 17 credits in school right now and working a part time job. I hoped keeping busy would help me feel better and start to move on but nope. Of course I had to work with my ex in my job up until a few weeks ago so that didn't help. It's like I can't get away from her
Author Chris715 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 And I literally have no idea how to keep NC as pathetic as it sounds. I know her number and even if I block her on facebook I find myself going on, unblocking to check things out, etc. Terrible discipline on my part, but I can't help myself amid the bouts of depression and panic attacks I've been getting. Things feel pretty hopeless right now
Author Chris715 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 I probably do need some professional help but I would have to go through my parents for it since I'm only 22 and still on their health insurance. And talking about something like that with them is pretty embarrassing for me, we don't exactly see eye to eye. I appreciate the advice that you and other people give on here but maybe I do need a break from this place to figure things out on my own
Vinsanity1307 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Hey man......I was having those thoughts too bro..And still I am very depressed more than I can admit..What I am about to explain is ruthless, extreme and harsh..but trying to help..,.1) I am not very religious but I am catholic and I am not sure what you are but killing yourself is the ultimate sin I was taught whether you believe this or not....I do believe in heaven and hell.. And seeing killing yourself in my beliefs sends you to hell..Now I am not sure if you ever seen the movie Drive Angry with Nicholas cage..But in it they describe hell as mental torture....Nicholas cage had to watch his daughter get sexually taken advantage of against her will and being killed over and over... Now my point being with all this say I am right its mental torture would you want to go through something something horrid like this..Whenever I think suicide I think me watching my ex get screwed by someone else over and over....Least now it will pass and our thoughts are temporary so we are told...I know this is extreme but it works for me..and 2) No one is worth killing yourself over no one...Trust me I keep telling myself to this..What does it solve...Some of our exes are heartless they may not even care....then will it be worth it? I feel this way and I assure you I am hurting as I am typing this bro..I am here for you 1
TrblinMN Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Yes your thoughts are normal but those thoughts will pass as well over time. Professional help is a must. You don't have to tell your parents anything. Take these thoughts seriously and by no means act on any of them. Maybe tell a close friend so you can have at least one person to help you through those thoughts. You would be surprised how they won't judge you and they would probably say they wished you spoke up sooner. 1
unexpectedlyhere Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Yes your thoughts are normal but those thoughts will pass as well over time. Professional help is a must. You don't have to tell your parents anything. Take these thoughts seriously and by no means act on any of them. Maybe tell a close friend so you can have at least one person to help you through those thoughts. You would be surprised how they won't judge you and they would probably say they wished you spoke up sooner. I liked this post and in fact I am quoting it too because I think it's a little gem for you at this time. We're all behind you, stay strong. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Get professional help. In mort cities in the Western world cheap counseling is available.
Msnatural25 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Chris715 I am certain that some of us have had some not so nice thoughts about ourselves through these agonizing break ups. But what I keep trying to tell myself is the following: 1. I am mobile and I dont have an illness that has me in physical pain 2. THIS is the only major issue that I am having in my life right now. It could be SOOOOO much worse 3. Once this issue is removed from life I will learn to appreaciate life again. Because right now a cloud is over the world. Its as though the world has tilted on its axis. BUT this ONE issue will not last always. 1
iouaname Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Hey Chris, I hope you're doing okay today. I know how tough this can be - I've been there before, too, many times in my life for a number of reasons. There's a lot that you can do get through this, though. First - it's really important that you speak to someone. You don't even need to go to a professional. If you live in the US, there's a number that you can call and you can speak to a professional over the phone when you're having those moments. I have had to do this several times when I've been up at 4am contemplating things. Just remember, there's always something else that you can do to get you through those moments. Even if you just do something to get you through that day or that hour or that minute... don't give up! 1
DM42 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Hang in there Chris, just remember: 1) Keep her blocked on all that social media garbage until you feel that you absolutely don't care about what you see. It may never come but I think you realize that by checking things out by unblocking her isn't doing anything for you. 2) Talk to your parents, they can help you in many more ways than their health insurance. You don't even need to tell them the specifics but I guarantee you that you will feel better by opening up to them and you will feel very good about it. After you do that figure out if seeking professional help would make things better for you. It will only help if you are totally on board with it and can completely open up to a professional. 3) Connect with other people, anyone, even if it's minimal, it helps. I'm going through a tough time myself and last night I went to get some take out and got into a brief conversation with the guy at the counter (I'm male so it wasn't a flirtatious thing), and it made me feel better just by engaging with someone and smiling about what we were talking about. Consider it a stepping stone for being more prepared when you meet someone that you really want to connect with. 1
Author Chris715 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Thanks for the responses you guys. I was feeling better throughout the day as is probably normal. Then I went out and drank with a few friends tonight and texted her while I was intoxicated... And once again not feeling so good about the whole thing. Guess that rules out drinking while I'm in the midst of this whole thing. I'm a ****ing idiot.
keepontruckin Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Drinking is fine! Go out and have a good time! Chris, it's been almost five months since my wife split... Things do get easier, trust me... And so you texted her? So what? She doesn't care, I can assure you that! So you shouldn't care! Focus on your job, your life!
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