Vinsanity1307 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 It has been 35 days of No Contact and going on 7 weeks since D Day.......Here is my original story if you dont know... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417902-dumped-after-5-years I am having a terrible time dealing with this loss...It literally feels as I put it in the title that Armageddon is going on inside me right now ..The anxiety and pain is awful....I feel as a broken down man and feel as I am scarred for life from this. I cannot stop thinking about her no matter what I do. About 80% of the day whether it be at work or wherever... even if I am out with friends...I go to the gym 4x a week and feel better there for a little bit then she takes over my mind.... To make things worse I cant stop seeing her...She drives an ambulance as an EMT .. and everywhere I am she is.....I went to my grandmothers to visit and took her to run errands who pulls up behind me in an ambulance as I am pulling out of my grandmothers street...I was on the roof at my work who drives by as I am on the roof (which I never do)...There have been at least 5 or 6 instances of this happening...I live a street over from her but these things never happen near the neighborhood....Even when we were together stuff like this never happened...I never saw her....And no there is no way she is keeping tabs on me.......Why is this happening? How am I ever suppose to heal with this constantly happening please help....It hurts so much
Hoaks Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 I am around 7-8 weeks NC, apart from me calling 4 weeks ago with no answer. I too around 80% of the day think about her. It's hell. Especially realising now that I will never hear from her again. This has only just sunk in for me. I guess time will heal us. The thoughts will get less and less. That's what I am hoping for. So many people on this forum have been in this situation and they all say it gets better with time.
Salvatore85 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 I'm going on 7 months since our break up after 5 years of being together and I still think about her and miss her everyday. I honestly feel like its one of those things where we will never fully forget about them due to the length of the relationship.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Dumped after 5 years........now I cant stop seeing her...She drives an ambulance as an EMT .. and everywhere I am she is.....I went to my grandmothers to visit and took her to run errands who pulls up behind me in an ambulance as I am pulling out of my grandmothers street...I was on the roof at my work who drives by as I am on the roof (which I never do)...There have been at least 5 or 6 instances of this happening...I live a street over from her but these things never happen near the neighborhood....Even when we were together stuff like this never happened...I never saw her....And no there is no way she is keeping tabs on me.......Why is this happening? How am I ever suppose to heal with this constantly happening please help....It hurts so much
L.D.702 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 If it makes you feel any better I'm probably going to see my ex on friday to get the rest of my stuff from the house. I'll probably do something stupid like try to get back with her and I already know that she's not going to want to. I'll probably leave feeling hurt like the first day she broke it off.
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 It's happening because it is. That's all. Accept that it is what it is. Remove your focus on it and start focusing on your. Gym, friends, church, sports, travel...whatever. Force feed your mind good, healthy activities and you will notice these incidents will cease. Im sorry for your pain. This too shall pass.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Thanks or your responses...Just sucks your trying to deal and out of no where there she is...So painful...and sets me back
Jenny1234 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Just keep pushing forward...take it hour by hour When I was in college I went through a horrible breakup...we were both civil engineers so we has every single class together for the next 2.5 years...it was hell on earth...he was even my partner during the breakup in one of the classes while he was seeing another girl. It was unbearable .. I would go to the 3 hour class and sit next to him and stare into space...the. We had a giant project to do together....I was just a space case......finally we ended up hooking up....he broke up with the next girl and said it was the biggest mistake of his life.... Thanks buddy but no thanks We continued on hooking up for literally 5 years...all through college and 3 years after....it was really bad...finally he want nuts and punched a wall because he had a new gf who he cheated on with me.....that night I knew it had to stop! Lol I moved to California and he eventually married that other girl. The moral of my story....you WILL survive ...it will be so uncomfortable at times ...but you will still be here on this earth... Wow can't even beleive my story still...I've had 3 other serious bfs since him and now going through another bad breakup! I guess im stronger than I'd ever thought You too will survive 1
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Thanks for your response. I am sorry that happened to you..Prob for the better......To make things worse this girl lives a street over from me I can see her house from my bedroom....So sucky situation..thanks for your support
Jenny1234 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Thanks for your response. I am sorry that happened to you..Prob for the better......To make things worse this girl lives a street over from me I can see her house from my bedroom....So sucky situation..thanks for your support That's really annoying...go buy some new curtains that are your style a d put them up and close them when you're in your bedroom . Block her out!
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 She bought me my curtains but theyre ones I wanted ...My whole room is new england patriots and yup you guessed it so arent my curtains Id prefer not too even though she bought them..I do feel I need to buy new sheets though..That is tough
Jenny1234 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 She bought me my curtains but theyre ones I wanted ...My whole room is new england patriots and yup you guessed it so arent my curtains Id prefer not too even though she bought them..I do feel I need to buy new sheets though..That is tough Trust me..redecorating your room with stuff that has nothing to do with her will make you feel way better! I'm a huge Boston sports fan too...go bruins, Red Sox or celtics! Anything else!
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 I just want to know if how I feel is normal or am I in a depression...seeing its been 7weeks since being dumped.....Here is my original story if you do not know http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417902-dumped-after-5-years Anyways im going on 7 weeks since being dumped and 37 days of NC.... I still think about her 70/80% of the day...I still have my crying fits every other day or so and these days are bad....At work all I do is go on this site for the most part ..Yes almost the whole shift 5times a week....Im still going to the gym as I always did but am really forcing myself to go...I have trouble sleeping still cause of the thoughts of her.... Thoughts of her with someone else also creep in frequently too which are unbearable.... When having my episodes heavy pressure on my chest and sometimes shaking (i know it's anxiety)....is this normal at my point or has depression set in and need help?
saltyfishhead666 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I think everyone is different. Some take less/more time to be "okay" and even longer to fully heal. Also people handle everything differently. Some cried in the beginning, some did a week later or in your case 5 weeks later. I don't think your depressed, I think your hurt and heartbroken. At least see a doctor about sleeping medication as the fact that you aren't sleeping very well won't be helping you at all. I hope your ok x
hurts2death Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 i know how you feel. you must be strong,,,, hang in there a better future is ahaid i can promise that, i have been dumped after 3 y relationship and it was my first and it hurts me to death,,,,,,
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Just feel awful.....Seems like nothing is getting easier at all....Been crying though since d day.... it's not like it took a while to settle in...it settled in right away....and can't shake it at all
blotter Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 What you are going through is not unusual at all. You are heart broken period. I remember driving home after getting groceries busting into tears as I was driving in my car. Sitting on my couch alone grasping at my chest cause I could literally feel my heart breaking into a thousand pieces. Rolling around on my bathroom floor bawling like a baby. You've got to just roll with it, don't try to suppress it, just let it wash over you, feel the pain and anguish, cry your eyes out whatever you have to do. It's all part of getting over it. As time passes the crying episodes will get less and less, the thoughts of her will get less and less. Then one day you'll realize your not crying over her anymore then a weird thing will happen you will start to miss crying and being miserable over her. Just grin and bear it for now one day a time you will slowly heal. 2
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Ouch....can't help how I feel....I can't control my emotions no matter what the logic....I know that a breakup affects the same part of the brain as an addiction to drugs...I know the brain is being rewarded when she was around....you don't understand everything reminds me of her....work which is where we met...obviously my apartment ...she lives one street over from me and I can see her house from my bedroom......I exercise,I still go to both my jobs,I force myself out of bed no matter what...I go out with friends nothing stops the thoughts....and I know your trying to help but this is the reality...you think I want to feel like this???..I Terry to refocus just she over powers it
Kimmie80 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 I am experiencing the same symptoms as you. I have never had anxiety before the split with my ex. We were only together for 9 weeks, and I feel humiliated coming on here and expressing my feelings in comparison to others who have been with their partner for years. But this one, for me, was different. I took coming out of my 15 year relationship with 4 kids much easier then this. I guess cause my feelings were gone for so long and there was so much fighting towards the end. Where with this guy, it was the most magical, special, like a fairy tale 9 weeks of my entire life. Something I have never experienced before. It all came crashing down because of something I said. So now, I have to live with him walking away and never looking back, as well as dealing with the guilt. Its awful. So here I am. I have been in NC now since July 18th. I had to give up the fight. I lost, and now I have to face it. The only thing that has helped me is signing up to this forum and getting advice. I am finding myself on here numerous times throughout the day, seeking advice on exs. Do they come back, how do they feel, blah, blah, blah, blah. I joined the gym since all this, I have looked into meditation to help clear my mind before sleeping, I have soul searched and I am currently studying the laws of attraction. But really, in the end, it all comes down to this, for me anyway: If someone TRULY loves us, they will come back. It may not be today, tomorrow or even a year from now. But they will. And everything happens for a reason. We may not know the reason yet, but it will all come together at some point. I am learning how to let go and trust that for whatever reason this ended, it was for the best. And I have to believe that he will return. But I have to learn to let go in the meantime and continue on with my life. Because unfortunately, it does not stop to wait for us to get back on board. GOod luck to you! We are all here for each other, so vent, ask questions whenever you need to
FennecFox Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Ouch....can't help how I feel....I can't control my emotions no matter what the logic....I know that a breakup affects the same part of the brain as an addiction to drugs...I know the brain is being rewarded when she was around....you don't understand everything reminds me of her....work which is where we met...obviously my apartment ...she lives one street over from me and I can see her house from my bedroom......I exercise,I still go to both my jobs,I force myself out of bed no matter what...I go out with friends nothing stops the thoughts....and I know your trying to help but this is the reality...you think I want to feel like this???..I Terry to refocus just she over powers it Yes, you can. We are not slaves to our emotions. Our emotions are nothing but chemical triggers. Is that all you are? Is that all there is to you? You do yourself an injustice (and dramatically lower not only your own self esteem but your chances of recovery) by giving yourself over entirely to something outside your control. How are you ever going to get better if you can't do anything to positively change your situation? I've been through some horrific break-ups and I certainly don't mean to be callous or uncaring. I know how hard it can be. I put myself through so much unnecessary suffering because I believed the same thing, I can't do anything about the way I feel. Of course you can... you know those drugs that your brain releases? You can get them in a boatload of other ways. You can do drugs, you can go skydiving, you can have sex, you can eat bananas. The problem is you're so locked in to this negative pattern that you're not really replacing that hole with anything. If you take positive steps then you will feel better. That is the science. It's as simple as that. It's a massive misconception that we're important, or that our relationships matter but people don't like admitting that truth. Which is why you chose to hide it I suppose. I mean, when you get down to the truth of the matter we're not even a monogamous species. It's a social tradition that has slowly been assimilated into our psyche (in certain cultures anyway). The main chemical reactions behind love die off around a year and a half to two years into a relationship. Long enough for you to meet, mate and pop out a baby before the man goes on to spread more of his genetic material. It's the best way to have a diverse gene pool, which in turn helps us avoid catastrophic illnesses and unsavory mutations. So all your problems can be avoided by reminding yourself that you're not different. That your love wasn't different. That it wasn't even love any more, it was comfort and familiarity and that it's perfectly natural for a relationship to end and has absolutely no reflection on you as a person. 1
Neall Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Ouch....can't help how I feel....I can't control my emotions no matter what the logic....I know that a breakup affects the same part of the brain as an addiction to drugs...I know the brain is being rewarded when she was around....you don't understand everything reminds me of her....work which is where we met...obviously my apartment ...she lives one street over from me and I can see her house from my bedroom......I exercise,I still go to both my jobs,I force myself out of bed no matter what...I go out with friends nothing stops the thoughts....and I know your trying to help but this is the reality...you think I want to feel like this???..I Terry to refocus just she over powers it don't even feel sad or bad for thinking about her. First rule: ACCEPT IT. you will think about her, and that's a STEP that you are doing! do you see how long you have been doing NC? that's wonderful! now that you have accomplished that, it's is time for you to accept that's a process of your brain of thinking about her, and that with the time, and with the things that you do daily you will start to think 70% of the day, than 60%, than 50% till you hit 10% and than 0%! try to read a good book before sleeping or so, you are doing well by keep going to the gym , and going out with friends, eventually, i am pretty sure, that you will find everything you need and forget about her... meanwhile? talk to us
Brown-Eyez Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Just feel awful.....Seems like nothing is getting easier at all....Been crying though since d day.... it's not like it took a while to settle in...it settled in right away....and can't shake it at all You may in fact have gotten clinically depressed, that can happen if we stay too long in a really negative emotional cycle. the only way to know is get yourself checked out by a competent mental health professional and btw counseling would help you big time regardless, there's no shame in seeking guidance during a time of crisis. Go and see a counselor.
William Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Moderation note: Merged three similar threads for continuity.
Curt2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Yes, you can. We are not slaves to our emotions. Our emotions are nothing but chemical triggers. Is that all you are? Is that all there is to you? You do yourself an injustice (and dramatically lower not only your own self esteem but your chances of recovery) by giving yourself over entirely to something outside your control. How are you ever going to get better if you can't do anything to positively change your situation? I've been through some horrific break-ups and I certainly don't mean to be callous or uncaring. I know how hard it can be. I put myself through so much unnecessary suffering because I believed the same thing, I can't do anything about the way I feel. Of course you can... you know those drugs that your brain releases? You can get them in a boatload of other ways. You can do drugs, you can go skydiving, you can have sex, you can eat bananas. The problem is you're so locked in to this negative pattern that you're not really replacing that hole with anything. If you take positive steps then you will feel better. That is the science. It's as simple as that. It's a massive misconception that we're important, or that our relationships matter but people don't like admitting that truth. Which is why you chose to hide it I suppose. I mean, when you get down to the truth of the matter we're not even a monogamous species. It's a social tradition that has slowly been assimilated into our psyche (in certain cultures anyway). The main chemical reactions behind love die off around a year and a half to two years into a relationship. Long enough for you to meet, mate and pop out a baby before the man goes on to spread more of his genetic material. It's the best way to have a diverse gene pool, which in turn helps us avoid catastrophic illnesses and unsavory mutations. So all your problems can be avoided by reminding yourself that you're not different. That your love wasn't different. That it wasn't even love any more, it was comfort and familiarity and that it's perfectly natural for a relationship to end and has absolutely no reflection on you as a person. So true! Rejection is hard to take but each of us need to accept it and move on. It's so hard though!
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