Lipitor11 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 I've been seeing this guy for a month, I thought things were going good. I kept asking him if he wanting to see me, he kept making excuses it seemed. So, I asked him if he was rejecting me, he replied, "I just feel indifferent about us right now, I'm trying to change things in my life and a relationship is taking a backseat, I don't mean to come off as bad." I told him that it hurt my feelings. He just said he had to figure things out. I got angry and told him if we were done and that he didn't have to lie to me and that he can be direct and just tell me that he's not interested. I asked him why, he said that he had no desire to hook-up. Then I told him that I am looking for something serious and if he lost respect for me and if he still wanted to figure things out. He flat out told me that he never lost respect for me, that I never did anything wrong and that he just wasn't interested anymore. Should I have taken his word that first time when he told me a relationship wasn't a priority? Because I know-some guys don't want to settle. Now I regret that I accused him of lying-did I force it out of him by telling me that he wasn't interested? Later, I texted him and said that I understood if he needs time, he never responded. Was I wrong to accuse him? Will he come around?
HappyLove Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 "I just feel indifferent about us right now" That's all you need to know, just move on leave him alone he's not interested. This is a part of why men just disappear I think they hate having to explain why because a lot of women will just keep pushing it, well why this why that. At least he is being honest with you and not leading you on. Move on.
nescafe1982 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 He just isn't interested. This sounds to me like he was being honest with you as well as trying to be kind about it. It's a disappointment when things don't work out how we want them to, but at least this guy sounds like he respects you enough to have what is oftentimes a very uncomfortable talk. Don't pursue him any further and look forward to meeting someone who is truly into you. Good luck! 1
KatZee Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 (edited) I've been seeing this guy for a month, I thought things were going good. I kept asking him if he wanting to see me, he kept making excuses it seemed. So, I asked him if he was rejecting me, he replied, "I just feel indifferent about us right now, I'm trying to change things in my life and a relationship is taking a backseat, I don't mean to come off as bad." I told him that it hurt my feelings. He just said he had to figure things out. I got angry and told him if we were done and that he didn't have to lie to me and that he can be direct and just tell me that he's not interested. I asked him why, he said that he had no desire to hook-up. Then I told him that I am looking for something serious and if he lost respect for me and if he still wanted to figure things out. He flat out told me that he never lost respect for me, that I never did anything wrong and that he just wasn't interested anymore. Honestly... you chased and chased him. As a woman you should never do this. When a guy is interested he needs to do the chasing. Not just to show you he's interested but also because on a masculine level, they like to chase and work for what they see as valuable. Throwing yourself at him, constantly asking him if he wanted to see you, contacting, etc etc... there's nothing there for him to work for. Therefore you lost value in his eyes. Secondly, everything I bolded... this is way too much drama for one mere month of dating. It screams neediness, insecurity, co-dependence, a need for control and to him, he sees it as a jail sentence. If this is how it was going after a month, just imagine what would happen 6 months down the line. You put all your eggs in this one basket and you made this guy your life it seems. You scared him away with this intensity and your assumptions. You accuse him of lying, of not being interested... those all show low self esteem, and insecurity within YOU and you projected that onto him. If he was pulling back, YOU should have pulled back instead of further chasing him down. And then getting angry, and then going off about hurt feelings. Then asking if he lost respect for you. Why would you even say this? To me, this comes off as "I don't really respect myself" and again you projected onto him with your insecurity and assumptions. Too early for any of this. In the future, play it cool. Show a guy what he shows you. If you are not officially locked down, do not date just one person. Circular date. Make sure you have a full life outside of guys so you don't focus completely on a person to fill your life. This way if they have other things going on, so do you and it won't impact you so harshly. Will he come around? Probably not. Edited August 29, 2013 by KatZee
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