dearsuzan Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Hi Everyone, I know that this won't be received well by most of you, but let me explain my situation first. Well, do you know how everyone has a honeymoon phase at first, well my ex and I never had that. He and I started a physical relationship the day I divorced my abusive husband of 10 years (I'm 28 btw). During that time, I was disowned my family, was going through an identity crisis, was being abused by his coworker ex-girlfriend (who I later found out was the love of his life), fast forward in the relationship - I got pregnant and had an abortion (a month into it), a couple months later, had a nervous breakdown and was admitted to the hospital. I was suicidal the first 6 months of our relationship. We broke up for a month, got back together, broke up, got back together, rinse and repeat. The last few months we actually lived together. As a side note, if you want to know how bad the identity crisis was: when he asked me if I wanted tea, I would say I don't know. Now, I'm the first to admit this was a mess and should have ended long ago. I wanted a rebound with him bc I needed to distance myself emotionally from the only man I had ever been with (my ex) and I never thought I would develop feelings for him. Lo and behold, I did. Somehow, he and I managed to develop a really deep emotional bond with each other that we never understood. We never fell in love - it was different. What kills me, if when he and I first started - I was in my right mind (and I wasn't), if I was myself, if I wasn't constantly needy, unhappy, depressed, crying, etc then we might have fallen in love because he and I are in strange way, compatible. Of course, he would never know that because I was never myself. He noticed that over the past 6 months - I've changed (in a good way) but we still ended up breaking up 2 weeks ago. I guess the damage was already done. We're still on good terms and we see each other every day at work. We joke and we mildly flirt sometimes. I just dont know what to do for us to have a second chance and I'm so scared that he's going to date around and I'm going to lose him. I know I still need more time for me and I def don't want to begin another relationship with him from a point of weakness. What sucks is I was able to see him for what he was from the beginning so I was able to develop real feelings, he never did so he didnt. I want to fix this and I dont know how. I know the first step is to work on myself, which I'm doing with or without him in my life. But, what things can i do to slowly get him to want me again?
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