Ladyjane14 Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Well, that should just NEVER happen to any little girl. It's so sad and unjust that it does though. You can be a "tough cookie" and that's a good thing, but make sure that the 'little girl' that once was gets the care that she needs now. You said that you know in your mind that this was NOT your fault. It's when you know it right down to your soul that you'll be better. So stick to the plan of calling the doctor today.
cheatersrsad Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 C'monnnnnnnnnnn. Poor thing. You cheat on your husband, get involved in an affair and now you're upset about how the lying, cheating snake is treating you. Hmmmmm what comes around goes around. Furthermore, why would you want this guy? I cannot grasp the reason. He cheats as an addiction, lies, plays games, controls and you want him? If anything, I would sit back, stay sober and think about why you are chasing someone so reprehensible.
Author Patiently waiting Posted November 24, 2004 Author Posted November 24, 2004 Dont' forget, HE cheated on me first. (and continued to see this OW secretly). I wanted to be the one he wanted so passionately, but I no longer was. I was devastated, I thought he would love me forever and always be faithul. I only sought attention from someone else as a result of him not loving me anymore. I wanted to be loved so bad, I was willing to accept it from someone who was ultimately unavailable. Sometimes when your heart is involved, your head takes a back seat.
I Survived Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 PW - I'm so proud of you for working through this and discovering who you are and the "why" of it all. You are on the right track - go get that therapy honey. God bless you. Still Hurting (not so much anymore)
Author Patiently waiting Posted November 25, 2004 Author Posted November 25, 2004 Thanks SH. Well, I had a looong talk with THE EX MM. Blah, blah, blah....... Now that I am getting to know him as a person, I am seeing him as the shallow pool he really is. How dare he tell me he "loved me" !! He loved himself and he loved how I made him feel. I was with the KING of manipulators, and he is still trying. Says he will always love me. Oh yeah...... sure...... He knows I am way too smart and have way too much self respect to fall for his crap anymore. So, now he gets mad and acts like a child who can't have his lollipop. Yes, for some reason I DO still love him, but I think what I love is what "I" thought we were together, not what "he" thought we were. We had 2 very different agendas and neither of us were able to successfully communicate there was a difference, until today. He may be hot as hell on the outside, but he's cold as ice on the inside.... I will not see him for the next 5 days as we are off work. I am going to use this time to get my sh-t together, hang out with my kids, and fold my laundry (that always is the first thing I neglect when I'm in depression mode, so you can imagine it's pretty built up!) I hope the New Year will be filled with a new beginning, god knows '04 has been a living hell!
Debster Posted November 25, 2004 Posted November 25, 2004 I don't get it. From your last post it seems as if you've finally seen the light and recognized the dog that he is. But you also just posted about what his top 12 important things (or something like that). Why do you care? Realize he's a jerk and get him out of your life. Stop contact.
Author Patiently waiting Posted November 25, 2004 Author Posted November 25, 2004 Because he is now my project. It somehow helps me to get over the "passionate part" the more I can view him as a regular person with problems of his own. I used to idolize him. I know it sound strange, but it is working.
Ladyjane14 Posted November 27, 2004 Posted November 27, 2004 Originally posted by Patiently waiting Because he is now my project. It somehow helps me to get over the "passionate part" the more I can view him as a regular person with problems of his own. I used to idolize him. I know it sound strange, but it is working. You've got so much on your own plate right now, PW. Why try to clean someone else's? Why not consider KNITTING if you need a "project"! That sounds facetious, I know, but truly....taking up a new craft or hobby can go a long way in distracting you from an emotional problem while you work though it a slower pace. 'Rome wasn't built in a day', so don't try to solve all your problems in a rush. AND......the sooner you stop contact with your married men, the sooner you will "get over the passionate part". (Because you're leaving yourself open to more lies and half-truths.) Commit yourself to working on YOU. Let those two a*holes worry about themselves. They don't deserve your effort.
Author Patiently waiting Posted December 1, 2004 Author Posted December 1, 2004 OMG, knitting?! But I do see your point. I realize that I cannot "fix" someone or change who they are to fit my needs. Maybe one day I will find the one who needs no "fixing". Think I'll start ice skating again. I used to compete and now that my kids are finally old enough to learn I can teach them! My skates are in my closet.....they have been beckoning me for some time.....
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 11-15-04 Patiently waiting Writes: Now he tells me that how he wants to give me the money he had offered but is now making excuses like "oh, well, I don't know how much it will be after taxes are taken out and also I have to figure out how much I need for myself and how much i can viably get away with giving you. what a F-in a**h***. If I don't get my money, he' s done! He can go F himself or some other girl for all I care!!! I may be his whore, but I certainly will not put up with that **** for free!! I am a WHORE no more!!! F---- Him!!!!! PW, I have hesitated to respond to your posts (although I have been quietly following) because I realized the level of your problems from the time your name (and story) first appeared. The issues you have are so deep-seeded that they require professional attention and not that from strangers on an anonymous forum. It will be difficult for the folks here to remain objective in their responses and not take it personally if they do not realize the depths of your issues (For the sake of political correctedness, I hesitate to use the term 'psychosis'.) And I'm not just referring to your affair story…as a matter of fact, it's quite possible that little or any of it is true (although it could very well be…and that's even scarier) But what I'm referring to is the fact that you are in so desperate need for attention and validation that you would continue to nurture this little cyber drama in an attempt to insight people to respond to you - Even negative attention is better than none at all, am I right? Sweetie…you're not well. And somewhere in the back of your mind you must know that. Please, please log off and get yourself some professional help. I'm really, really worried for you.
Grinning Maniac Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 I swear on my own grave that I've never read the last page of this thread before today, and last night all through replying to her other thread I was just saying to myself over and over: "abused as a child by dad, without a single doubt". [i think i might have even said it in that other thread. i forget] It's scary how predictable human psychology is. It's like some rigged game you can't beat. While the new self-confidence and non-dependant outlook is a good thing I suppose...in some assbackwards way, don't you think it's a bit unwise to continue indulging in self-destructive behavior that is more than often than not, cyclical in nature? Meaning that you get over this guy, la-dee-da, he means nothing, then along comes some other prick and you start falling down the same hellhole of chaos over him? I'm glad that you have thought about your inner motivations for all this in the past, and I'm very sorry that your stepdad was such an utter piece of ****...but are you still seeing someone about treating these issues? I had completely forgotten about the fact that you have children. How old are they? If you aren't still seeing a professional about this, I'd strongly...strongly advise it. No kid deserves to grow up in a household where Mom is bouncing back and forth between over-zealous flings with screwed-up married guys, and crying her eyes out looking like she wants to slit her wrists. I'm not trying to be the "bearer of bad dreams" or something, but have you ever considered that given your current pattern of choosing complete scumbags for bed buddies, the chances of you unknowingly bringing someone exactly like your stepdad into your own home are pretty good? Are you seriously willing to risk exposing your children to the same kind of trauma you went through? Since you asked in the other thread, yeah, I'm a guy. That's me in my avatar. I hope I can at least draw myself the right gender . Let me be frank. I'm not into the idea of ever having kids, I don't even dig being around them that much, but I definately appreciate that wonderful care-free innocence of being a kid. I loved my childhood. Nothing is cooler than having absolutely no worries and only living in the moment and for the next spark of fun. They don't know pain, sorrow, or bitter regret like the rest the world does. Your job is to keep it from them for as long as you can. I wouldn't have traded my happy years of being a kid, for the promise of being a billionaire right now. It would be a shame if they were robbed of it. Just something to think about. Laters.
Author Patiently waiting Posted January 1, 2005 Author Posted January 1, 2005 My kids are very young (3 and 4), they do not see the guys I date other than the MM, but they only see him when he comes over to help me fix something. Otherwise they are asleep when he comes over. Plus, I really don't date all that much anyway. I do have guy friends, but not sleeping with them. We just go out and hang out together on occasion, just as I do with my girl friends. I don't show my sadness to my kids (when it occurs), I get my sh** together and be mommy. They have been through enough already with all that has happened over the last year or so, no need to drag them down continuously. Luckily kids are resiliant (sp). Hopefully they won't even hardly remember any of this later on. I really don't think I will ever marry again, and at least not until my kids are grown. I'm not planning on having any more kids so I don't really think actually getting married is necessary in a relationship anyway at this point. Probably wouldn't even think of living with another guy for another 18 years or so either. Since I DO have a daughter, not always real trusting of guys around her as she gets older. You never know what strange ideas may lurk in mens' minds until it's too late sometimes. I would like to say that I would think I would know the guy well enough that I would know he wouldn't be like that......but we all know that people can be very good at deception.....
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