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Posted

so my girlfriend broke up with me because she no longer wanted to be a team player, and fell out of love. she says she doesn't know me anymore, and can't trust me. this pisses me off because i'm nothing but honest with her.

 

i'm having a hard time with this, and she said it hasn't been easy for her either. i got hurt when she deleted all of our pictures online. she told me this post break up has to be out of sight, out of mind, so she can forgive me, heal, and miss each other.

 

if she says she still has love for me, and wants to be in each others lives still, why would she say out of sight out of mind? doesn't that mean forgetting about me fully?! or does she mean absence makes the heart grow fonder, which would make more sense.

 

we've been fighting non stop for months, and now i'm going to give her time to cool off. i'm going to delete all my social networks and not call her anymore...so maybe in the future, we may reconcile.

Posted

What does she need to forgive you for? The fights?

Posted

Either one of two things.

 

Either she's been emotionally detaching for a long time.

 

 

Or she's band aiding her wounds...and just like a bandaid in water they come off.

 

No contact and move on.

 

You deserve so much more

 

 

Barky

  • Author
Posted
What does she need to forgive you for? The fights?

 

i have no idea to tell you the truth. i didn't do anything wrong like cheating or was abusive. maybe it was the fighting, i was always accusing her of cheating.

  • Author
Posted
Either one of two things.

 

Either she's been emotionally detaching for a long time.

 

 

Or she's band aiding her wounds...and just like a bandaid in water they come off.

 

No contact and move on.

 

You deserve so much more

 

 

Barky

 

 

she has been distant for a while. i was the only one trying to make it work, but it was hard when she didn't have the same agenda. she accused me of not doing enough to keep her which was bs, because it takes 2 ppl to have a relationship.

Posted
i have no idea to tell you the truth. i didn't do anything wrong like cheating or was abusive. maybe it was the fighting, i was always accusing her of cheating.

 

I constantly accused my ex of cheating, of course I'm sure there were some fishy situations going on. It caused so many arguments and pushed him right away from me and he wanted to break up. Insecurity is one of the worst and unattractive traits. Try and remember, if someone is going to cheat on you, they will do it because that's the type of person they are and it will come out. Don't try and look for proof etc that they are or get in her face about it. It will just cause arguments, stress for both of you and push her away from you. Focus on having your own life during the relationship, not so much about what she's doing because if you do end up breaking up, it doesn't feel like the end of the world.

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Posted
I constantly accused my ex of cheating, of course I'm sure there were some fishy situations going on. It caused so many arguments and pushed him right away from me and he wanted to break up. Insecurity is one of the worst and unattractive traits. Try and remember, if someone is going to cheat on you, they will do it because that's the type of person they are and it will come out. Don't try and look for proof etc that they are or get in her face about it. It will just cause arguments, stress for both of you and push her away from you. Focus on having your own life during the relationship, not so much about what she's doing because if you do end up breaking up, it doesn't feel like the end of the world.

 

thats true. i tend to overthink things and jump to conclusions. it really made her upset, because i know i really do trust her.

Posted

Wait you do trust her? then why did you keep accusing her of cheating?

  • Author
Posted
Wait you do trust her? then why did you keep accusing her of cheating?

 

i do now. i made the mistake of being too insecure, and pushing her away.

Posted

It means if she can move on,she will,if she can't she will call you and say darling i miss you.So she wants you to be an option though she doesn't see you as one right now.

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Posted
It means if she can move on,she will,if she can't she will call you and say darling i miss you.So she wants you to be an option though she doesn't see you as one right now.

 

right... she said something like that, like how she has stuff to work on before she can be ready to be in a relationship again.

Posted
thats true. i tend to overthink things and jump to conclusions. it really made her upset, because i know i really do trust her.

 

I developed the same pattern myself of overthinking and jumping to conclusions, these are lethal in a relationship. I'm not a religious person whatsoever but I think for the most part everything that happens is planned to happen anyway. You or I trying to play detective and connect the dots won't make any difference in the end. You might already seem insecure in her eyes from the accusations of cheating, I would just play it cool. Don't discuss the relationship unless she brings it up first.

Posted (edited)
Either one of two things.

 

Either she's been emotionally detaching for a long time.

 

 

Or she's band aiding her wounds...and just like a bandaid in water they come off.

 

I would add to the latter point a little - it seems from everything I've read it seems like when the breakup was less than optimal - and especially on the part of the dumper - whether it is from cheating, infidelity, hasty decisions, and/or rebounding [OR leaving the relationship to pursue a relationship with the one she cheated on you with if cheating was involved], or all of the above, the band-aid effect being there is much more likely - not always, but it feels like as I always say the factors, circumstances affect it all.

Edited by travelonic
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