hopefulfaerie Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I really want to break NC!!! Woke up this morning and had a full blown panic attack. I miss him so much! I'm in such disbelief that it's really over!!! I feel like when someone jumps out and yells BOO and you have that scared feeling at first but the feeling is with me still. This is ridiculous!!! I am mourning longer than the damn relationship was! I just don't get why he made such a big friggin deal convincing me he wants to continue our relationship when I was willing to let him go if that's what he wanted. He assured me it was just stress and not me. . Then to make plans to come over. ALL HIS IDEA. Only to not show up and leave me for dead with no explanation whatsoever. Oh, god I can't get through this!!! It's been almost 3 months NC and I thought for sure I would be over this by now. Well not over it but I took comfort on the faxt that I would feel so much better in time. I dont!! I'm so afraid I'll never have such an amazing connection with anyone again. I'm doing all the 'right' things. Working hard, joined a dating site ( that's making me miss him more ) I excersize, go out with friends, keep busy, get my nails and hair done. NOTHING IS WORKING!!! I miss him soooo much! Pease help!!! I'm SOOOOOO SCARED THAT I'M LOSING MY MIND!!!
Author hopefulfaerie Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 I heard that song ' Leave' by Matchbox 20 this morning. Should have CHANGED THE STATION!!! Oh my God that is the worst song to hear after being dumped!!! Seriously thought my heart would just stop and I would DIE!!! What did I do to deserve this torture!?!?! Sorry, I know I'm feeling sorry for myself. Please, no one remind me of how pathetic this is. I AM SO AWARE IF THAT! God it hurts!!!!!
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 (edited) We have all been through the wringer and perhaps still are. It's been roughly 3.5 months since my ex dumped me off a 4 year relationship. I understand I'll be stuck in this emotional roller coaster for a while. For the past week or so I've been ok but yesterday and today anxiety creeps up slowly and strikes like a snake. I recall the first time my ex dumped me a few years ago I showed up at her friend's office, barged in and closed the door behind me and demanded answers as my ex didnt want to speak to me. Her friend was so freaked out at me being in her office. I've learned from that experience and have more dignity left in me this time around to not do that again. Keep in mind that we all have those weak moments. I just had one roughly five minutes ago. I'm stuck in the car with my brother and his wife and the songs they were playing were really killing me to the core. I told them jokingly "wow I'm ready to slit my wrists with these songs.." In reality there was probably some validity to it. What I'm trying to say is that we just need to hang on as tight as we can and get through these terrible moments in our lives. Edited August 28, 2013 by JDPT
Soat Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 You'll get though it. I promise. Just accept your pain as part of the process. You can't force pain to stop, or even reduce. Your brain will keep doing this to you until it finally lets go. It sucks I know...
Nicoleiia Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 You'll be fine. But it might take a few more months to get over. I was dumped after a 3 month relationship and it took me a year to get over ( lol don't judge me). Its different for everyone, but the pain WILL subside and then you wont give a rats @ss about your ex. Time always heals. How long was the relationship, if you don't mind?
Chi townD Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 If this is getting to the point where it's affecting your physical health, go see your Doctor. Get some meds to help you get over this rough time in your life. You're saying you keep busy? Okay, DO MORE!! Schedule yourself an extended weekend away! Somewhere nice and somewhere NEW! Take yourself out of the normal routine. Take yourself away from familiar places. Those places are triggers to you. You always stand a chance of saying to yourself, " Oh, me and the Ex used to go there." or "Me and the Ex when and did stuff over there." SO, go somewhere new. Use that time away in new surroundings to decompress, relax and reset. 1
Author hopefulfaerie Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 You'll be fine. But it might take a few more months to get over. I was dumped after a 3 month relationship and it took me a year to get over ( lol don't judge me). Its different for everyone, but the pain WILL subside and then you wont give a rats @ss about your ex. Time always heals. How long was the relationship, if you don't mind? Only 3 months. That's why I'm so scared I should be feeling better and I'm not. It was an instant connection. I left a 7 year relationship a year before and that was WAY easier. Doesn't make sense but I just KNEW THIS WAS THE ONE!!!
dearsuzan Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I'm soooo glad you came here. We all understand! We've been thru it. Two weekends ago, for no apparent reason - I woke and started crying. I seriously kept crying the entire day nonstop - I cried on the bus, as I was cooking (my food was exceptionally salty that day), while I was reading, at the beach, on the phone with a friend. I ended up calling him that night and crying on the phone with him. After I got off the phone, I stopped crying. Not because he said anything to make me feel better. To the contrary, I just felt like a complete and total tool. Don't break NC. If you two end up talking again, you want it to be from a position of strength not weakness. And if you never end up talking again, oh well - there are better people out there for you.
dearsuzan Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I left my 10 year marriage and I felt nothing - a little bit of loss but not too many emotions. With this relationship - it was on and off for less than a year and the break KILLED me. Maybe bc we feel like it ended prematurely? Maybe we didn't get a chance to get sick of them yet. Maybe we were in love with the potential of the relationship rather than the relationship itself. 1
BC1980 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Just remember that talking to him won't make you feel any better. It's so tempting to call him, but it won't make you feel any better than you do right now. You've got to find another outlet or just ride out these emotions.
Brown-Eyez Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I really want to break NC!!! Woke up this morning and had a full blown panic attack. I miss him so much! I'm in such disbelief that it's really over!!! I feel like when someone jumps out and yells BOO and you have that scared feeling at first but the feeling is with me still. This is ridiculous!!! I am mourning longer than the damn relationship was! I just don't get why he made such a big friggin deal convincing me he wants to continue our relationship when I was willing to let him go if that's what he wanted. He assured me it was just stress and not me. . Then to make plans to come over. ALL HIS IDEA. Only to not show up and leave me for dead with no explanation whatsoever. Oh, god I can't get through this!!! It's been almost 3 months NC and I thought for sure I would be over this by now. Well not over it but I took comfort on the faxt that I would feel so much better in time. I dont!! I'm so afraid I'll never have such an amazing connection with anyone again. I'm doing all the 'right' things. Working hard, joined a dating site ( that's making me miss him more ) I excersize, go out with friends, keep busy, get my nails and hair done. NOTHING IS WORKING!!! I miss him soooo much! Pease help!!! I'm SOOOOOO SCARED THAT I'M LOSING MY MIND!!! It looks like at this point your brain has gotten caught up in a negative cycle of mourning & grieving which is now feeding on itself. I highly suggest you get on some antidepressants (just for a couple of months) to stabilize your brain cells because unfortunately this loss has triggered something deeper for you. Also counseling (with a phd or psyd -most competent mental health professionals) would be super helpful to help you understand what this loss means for you. (I'm doing it) This terrible pain is trying to tell you something--might as well listen.
Nicoleiia Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Only 3 months. That's why I'm so scared I should be feeling better and I'm not. It was an instant connection. I left a 7 year relationship a year before and that was WAY easier. Doesn't make sense but I just KNEW THIS WAS THE ONE!!! Sounds like my situation. Head over heels in love and then BAM! I'm dumped. The short relationships are the worst. They leave you with soo many "what ifs" and "what did I do to make them pull the plug so fast". But you will get over it, I promise you. And eventually he will be ancient history. But it will take a while to heal. We've all been there.
Author hopefulfaerie Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 It looks like at this point your brain has gotten caught up in a negative cycle of mourning & grieving which is now feeding on itself. I highly suggest you get on some antidepressants (just for a couple of months) to stabilize your brain cells because unfortunately this loss has triggered something deeper for you. Also counseling (with a phd or psyd -most competent mental health professionals) would be super helpful to help you understand what this loss means for you. (I'm doing it) This terrible pain is trying to tell you something--might as well listen. I think yoi are right. There is a clinic in my town that charges according to your income. I don't have insurance and can't afford to seek professional help any other way. I am also wondering if it's because I just moved to this state and city and I have no other memories. Like he is almost representative of this state. Did that make sense??? Most of my memories have something to do with him, even my friendships because I talked about how happy I was to my new friends. I don't know. Today is very surreal I thought I was doing so mucj better! This came out of nowhere. I am actually clutching my chest and struggling to breath. Like I NEED my ' fix'
Author hopefulfaerie Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 I think yoi are right. There is a clinic in my town that charges according to your income. I don't have insurance and can't afford to seek professional help any other way. I am also wondering if it's because I just moved to this state and city and I have no other memories. Like he is almost representative of this state. Did that make sense??? Most of my memories have something to do with him, even my friendships because I talked about how happy I was to my new friends. I don't know. Today is very surreal I thought I was doing so mucj better! This came out of nowhere. I am actually clutching my chest and struggling to breath. Like I NEED my ' fix' Nicoleiia, YES! Exactly!!! I have sooooo much left to say. Unfortunately, I have no anger because we never even had a fight. We got along so well. I never knew all his annoying traits. Wich I'm sure he has. It's like I have to remember how ' perfect' for me he wad. this is truly hell!!!! 2
Author hopefulfaerie Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Oh jeezus you guys!!!! I am on the side of the road waiting to go to my next cleaning appt. This guy pulled up and asked for directions. He came back a few minutes later and said " you look like such a good f@@@. OMG!!! He asked if I was single I said no. Then he asked do you mess around? I said no. I was truly terrified and sickened by this!!! Oh god, I just want him back!!! I want him to " save" me from guys like thst. I have been tossed back out into such a scary reality!!! I don't want to deal with comments like that. I am so scared!!!
Chi townD Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Wow, what a douchebag! I sorry that happened to you. Believe me, there are guys out there that KNOW how to treat a woman with respect. There out there. Don't let what this guy said bring you down. Damn! I'm spun up now. I really want to kick this guys ass! 1
Sparkle304 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Ok....I want you to take a full 5 -10 minutes of deep breaths. You're starting to an anxiety attack. Breath.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Get a grip. There are just as many nice guys as douchebags. I've had some nasty encounters to which I've either ignored, told them to f*ck off or said "ew" and walked away. You have the power to be who or whatever you want to be. Choose to be a strong woman in control of her emotions and life or a weak powerless girl that lets the world run over her. Right now it's hard to see past your emotions and its ok but force yourself to take action to heal yourself with whatever means necessary. It could mean getting professional help, erasing all evidence of ex from your life or whatever. Just do it. Be the strong woman or at least fake it until you make it. Take the bull by the horns, girl. Don't let this situation trample you...ride it until you're good and ready to jump off and move the hell on. 2
Nicoleiia Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Oh jeezus you guys!!!! I am on the side of the road waiting to go to my next cleaning appt. This guy pulled up and asked for directions. He came back a few minutes later and said " you look like such a good f@@@. OMG!!! He asked if I was single I said no. Then he asked do you mess around? I said no. I was truly terrified and sickened by this!!! Oh god, I just want him back!!! I want him to " save" me from guys like thst. I have been tossed back out into such a scary reality!!! I don't want to deal with comments like that. I am so scared!!! That's how life works. You meet a great person, have hopes and dreams. Then, they dump you. Now, you're stuck meeting idiots and dealing with riff-raff. Life is seriously unfair. 1
Sparkle304 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I'm in EXACTLY the same situation as you - relatively short relationship, all is great !!!, he made plans with me for that night, then he dumps me. Yes, there are MANY MANY unanswered questions. Yes, I strongly believe that it all ended prematurely. Yes, I thought he was awesome. And god, does it hurt to not be in contact anymore. You're not alone in this.......I too woke up with that terrible feeling in my stomach. I too feel like crying (even though I'm heading out to party right now - which I don't really feel like attending, but I'm going), I have no idea how I'm gonna get through this.......I can only live in the moment. 1
Jenny1234 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Keep your head up. Day by day...minute by minute. Keep up the no contact! I know it's so hard and easier said than done! I don't see him at running around like crazy breaking the NC so why should you. Be strong 1
Author hopefulfaerie Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 OMG!!! That was awful! Glad that passed. I seriously thought I was having a heart attack! I'm not really sure why I flipped out because a couple weeks ago, I felt like I wad doing so much better. My chest still hurts but not as much. So weird ( and scary) how it can sneak up on you like that. Sparkle, You may have answered this already but my head is still spinning. How long ago was your BU?
saltyfishhead666 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Oh jeezus you guys!!!! I am on the side of the road waiting to go to my next cleaning appt. This guy pulled up and asked for directions. He came back a few minutes later and said " you look like such a good f@@@. OMG!!! He asked if I was single I said no. Then he asked do you mess around? I said no. I was truly terrified and sickened by this!!! Oh god, I just want him back!!! I want him to " save" me from guys like thst. I have been tossed back out into such a scary reality!!! I don't want to deal with comments like that. I am so scared!!! Unfortunately you get disgusting men such as this one everywhere. You could have a boyfriend, be engaged, married, widowed, gay, asexual whatever and he'd still have said it to you. It has nothing to do with him throwing you back babe! I would advise you seek help like someone else said. Break ups are painful. Some of us can get through them by the scrape of our teeth but get through and sometime's people just need that extra helping hand. Of coarse we are all here for you, whenever you need us but something more may be an idea too. I hope you are feeling a little on the easier side right now, distraction is key. and even though I'm a female, as heartbroken as you are right now. I'm sorry for that guy... he had no right to say that to you! You really should have unleashed your anger I would have! xx 1
Sparkle304 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Sparkle, You may have answered this already but my head is still spinning. How long ago was your BU? My BU was two weeks ago.
Author hopefulfaerie Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 My BU was two weeks ago. I'm so sorry you are going through the same thing! Thank you for being there for me yesterday! Mummyjonno, Thank you so much for you words and help!! And to EVERYONE ELSE thank you for being there for me yesterday as well! I am going to take the advice and get on some sort of medicine just for a little while. I feel MUCH better today! Thank god!!! I didn't have any anxiety this morning and the heart attack feeling has subsided considerably. I won't forget how helped you all were!! THANK YOU!!!!
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