Recovered Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I'd like to let you know about a new site I created for helping get over a breakup or divorce: Breakup Recovery Guide It's completely, entirely non-commercial. It consists of 20 articles covering topics such as: the science behind why the pain of breakup or divorce hurts as much as breaking a bone, including discussion of the latest research involving MRI scans, psychology of Facebook when recovering from a breakup, and morewhy no-contact is vital and how to start itif and how to get closurewhat to do if your ex- contacts youhow to deal with your ex’s birthdayreal advice on rebound relationshipsyour health, activities... and more It's 100% free and open. No ads, no commercials, no marketing, no linking, no self-promotion or anything about me, no social-media likes or sharing or tweeting. It's just honest, real advice for people recovering from a breakup, without the usual platitudes and cliches, all information based on both legitimate research from different fields of scientific research and the experiences of thousands of people whose cases I've observed. I wrote it as a way to pay forward all the great advice and knowledge I got from hundreds of hours I spent last year studying breakup and rejection. I'm not posting here to violate any forum rules or cause problems; I simply want to let people in the LoveShack community who are suffering and in pain know that there's a free, non-commercial resource which might be of benefit. The pain I went through when my relationship ended last year is indescribable. With no idea how to handle it, I suffered more than I could have ever imagined as I let myself be hurt by the breakup, then be pulled back and forth by my ex- only to be rejected over and over again. It was a living hell, a haze shrouded in the screams of pain while I let myself be pulled back and forth by my ex-. I let the whole ordeal essentially destroy me and waste my life for a year and a half. Nothing in life teaches you what really is happening to you, why it's happening to you and what you’re supposed to do when you’ve been dumped. A lot of the clichés contain some truth (e.g., "time heals all wounds"), but they don’t help much while you're actually going through it. The endlessly cheerful tone of friends and self-help guides struck me as unrealistic and borderline absurd, making me discount their message even more while I was suffering. And some of the traditional academic explanations of what I was going through didn’t seem to apply to my situation at all (e.g., Kübler-Ross model of the five stages of grief.) I ended up spending hundreds of hours studying the physical and psychological effects of rejection, reading thousands (tens of thousands??) of stories on forums of people who’ve been dumped, looking at relationship blogs, sites by “professionals" who offer paid-for services to help you… With the understanding I gained and the passage of time, I began to apply what I learned to my own situation, and little by little I healed. The pain of a breakup is not "just in your mind". It's a traumatic event as strong as any physical pain. It activates many of the same areas of the brain as a physical injury such as breaking a bone or being burned. Unfortunately, it's a topic which is often glossed over with platitudes or false-cheerfulness. So I decided to create a guide which treats it with both the seriousness that the pain merits and the empathy which those who are suffering deserve. It's the guide I wish I'd had when I was dumped. I initially wrote the guide as one long document which I posted on a relationship forum as a way to pay forward all the kindness I received from strangers on the internet. The response I got was overwhelming and so much more than I'd expected. A few thousand people ended up reading it, and I received so much positive feedback. Many of those people suggested a different format, easier to absorb rather than an enormously long text. So I put it on a web site, divided into sections for easier browsing. The site is completely free, completely open to copy and paste and use however you want. There are no ads, no links, no donation buttons, no social media promotion, nothing. My only goal is to help anyone who can benefit from these words. Please take a look if you're interested. If you have any feedback, suggestions, or comments, there's a contact form on the site which you can use to get in touch with me. If you're suffering now from a breakup, I know that it might seem impossible to believe, but please trust me that your pain will eventually fade, all of this will just be a memory, and you will come out stronger and your life will be better because of the experience. I wish you the best of luck. 11
Sparkle304 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 THANK YOU!!!!! I just perused your articles and it's apparent that you gave a lot of thought and care into writing this guide. I definitely appreciate it!!!!! Thank you!!!!!!
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I will be sure to read these. Thank you for your time, service and commitment. I really appreciate this.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Recovered, wow, what a beautiful thing you did posting this guide. Thank you for writing it. It's helping me immensely through this period and I know it'll help countless others. Kudos to you!
Demoralised_10 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Recovered, Great site and a very interesting read. Has helped me on a number of levels and is much appreciated! Thankyou.
Author Recovered Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Wow! Thanks for all the kind praise about the site! I'm really glad if it can benefit any of you, and I very much appreciate all the positive feedback. Please definitely let me know if you have any comments on the site - suggestions or ideas on how to improve it, stories to share, whatever it may be. There's an easy contact form on the site, or leave a message here. Thanks! 2
unexpectedlyhere Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 The site is excellent, some of the things it says are the things we keep repeating to each other here, but its tone and graphics make it so soothing and yet real. Somewhat XIX century I've already been recommending it to other people here. Sometimes when you have a big image underneath the first few paragraphs of a post, it's hard to realise that there's actually more to read underneath. Hope this helps!
NoLeafClover Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Wow! Thanks for all the kind praise about the site! I'm really glad if it can benefit any of you, and I very much appreciate all the positive feedback. Please definitely let me know if you have any comments on the site - suggestions or ideas on how to improve it, stories to share, whatever it may be. There's an easy contact form on the site, or leave a message here. Thanks! Recover who did the art work? Can you tell me the picture on the 'revenge' section with the sail boats. Very graphic yet powerful drawing. Is it from somewhere? What does it symbolize? Hopelessness?
Author Recovered Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 The site is excellent, some of the things it says are the things we keep repeating to each other here, but its tone and graphics make it so soothing and yet real. Somewhat XIX century I've already been recommending it to other people here. Thanks for the kind praise, unexpected! "Soothing and real", wow, that's really sweet. Can I quote you? I also saw that you linked the site in some posts. I'm honored and really appreciate. Good observation about the XIX century. Sometimes when you have a big image underneath the first few paragraphs of a post, it's hard to realise that there's actually more to read underneath. Hmmm, good point, I'll take a look. Depends a lot on screen size. Gotta make sure people scroll down somehow no matter what they're using to view it Thanks!
Brown-Eyez Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 beautiful site! you will help alot of forlorn people with your very practical but compassionate guide thank you!
DmxDex Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Statistics are not accurate. I think worls wide alot people get back together l. Depends on alot of factors.
Author Recovered Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Recover who did the art work? Can you tell me the picture on the 'revenge' section with the sail boats. Very graphic yet powerful drawing. Is it from somewhere? What does it symbolize? Hopelessness? Hi Clover. The picture you ask about is a sketch by late 19th century Russian artist Vasily Perov. I'm glad you like all the art work. Thanks for noticing!
Author Recovered Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 thank you really! worth the read Thanks, Neall, I appreciate the kind words. (Btw, if you're in Portugal, the site is also in Portuguese... português do Brasil, that is )
Author Recovered Posted September 2, 2013 Author Posted September 2, 2013 beautiful site! you will help a lot of forlorn people with your very practical but compassionate guide thank you! That's really, really sweet, Brown-Eyez, thanks!
DmxDex Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 I dont think the breakup statistics are correct. I think alot more tha 30% of people world wide get back together. Not saying they will stay together.
unexpectedlyhere Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 What's the point of adding the people that get back together only to break up again, though? I wonder how many people die of old age a couple, after having broken up once. I think very very very few.
unexpectedlyhere Posted September 2, 2013 Posted September 2, 2013 Thanks for the kind praise, unexpected! "Soothing and real", wow, that's really sweet. Can I quote you? I also saw that you linked the site in some posts. I'm honored and really appreciate. Good observation about the XIX century. Hmmm, good point, I'll take a look. Depends a lot on screen size. Gotta make sure people scroll down somehow no matter what they're using to view it Thanks! Sorry, didn't see. Yes of course you can quote me! By the way, it's not direct praise of your website, I suppose it's more praise of you, but it has helped me visualise the man I would like to be with next. Someone with the emotional intelligence to create something like this.
Author Recovered Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 By the way, it's not direct praise of your website, I suppose it's more praise of you, but it has helped me visualise the man I would like to be with next. Someone with the emotional intelligence to create something like this. Wow! Now that's more amazing praise than I ever thought I'd get in my life Thank you! And thanks for mentioning the site in your responses to other posts, I'm really honored and appreciate very much. I think you will be very successful at finding the right partner for you. Emotional intelligence comes with life experience and maturity... both his AND yours. So the person you were before the end of your relationship wouldn't have been as able to recognize and appreciate emotional empathy to the same depth that you can now. I know it sounds like a trite platitude, but I really do believe that a challenging, even painful, experience like what you've been going through really can turn you into a deeper, stronger, more empathetic person... and that will translate into you finding someone with the same characteristics. And at the risk of sounding obvious, a relationship based on emotional understanding, maturity, and empathy is something which can last a very, very long time. So I really do believe that when you're healed and completely recovered, you'll definitely be able to find that man with "the emotional intelligence to create something like this." (Although I can't guarantee if he'll be into shades of beige and XIX art... but you can't win 'em all ). 1
Joyvke Posted September 8, 2013 Posted September 8, 2013 Very unusual site, but somehow it's really nice regarding the layout . Good job. Will have a read later.
Author Recovered Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 Very unusual site, but somehow it's really nice regarding the layout . Good job. Will have a read later. Thanks for the praise, Joyvke. I'm glad you like the layout and the site . I've been very surprised by how many countries are represented among the visitors to breakuprecoveryguide.com. In the last 2 days, for example, there have been 47 different countries. US, UK, Holland, Brazil, Spain, France, Russia, Argentina, Japan, India, Australia, Mexico are the top dozen, for instance, with countries from every continent except Antartica represented. Every relationship is different, wth its unique characteristics, beauty and subtleties, but breakups all affect us in the same way. The pain of breakup and rejection really knows no boundaries; it hurts no matter where you are or who you are.
vascularity Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 awesome resource! it can be hard to process "real talk" as a dumpee, and you deftly navigate that in a way that gets the point across without insulting or demeaning the user. thanks for putting this together!
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