Took her back after breaking up...got burned

[hurts2death]

i get outbursts all the time but guess what my friend.....

 

THEY DID NOT DIE-they chose to kill us instead.....

 

so why we tend to get outbursts its like our minds cant see whats going on...

 

 

keep thinking that we v been betrated..... it helps a lot. cause sadly enough its the truth in a way

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Leaf,

 

Hoping that the fact you didn't post means you slept.

 

IIWII

[leafguy]

Hey,

Yeah I had to get up early. I managed to sleep 5 hours, but I woke up now feeling rough. Just have the deep void of something missing in my heart and I can feel it.

 

I'm sure the feeling will subside once I am up and active, but right now, it is probably the worst feeling I have had.

[Jodini]

Hi, I'm a month past the nasty moment when I found out my ex (who I was engaged to, met his family etc) had moved on, within weeks of ending things with me through seeing a picture of his new GF on facebook. ouch.

 

Worst part is he blamed the break up on me and called me a cheater (complete lie)

Like you, I took him back not once but twice in the course of 18 months, so I was kind of asking for another dose of heartbreak..this is the third and worst time I've gone through pain over him.

 

I have never had such bad panic attacks in my life and heavy depression..and it is not lifting although each day I feel a very tiny bit stronger in some ways. Sometimes it feels like one step forward two steps back tho

I've maintained NC for over 2 weeks now .. even changed my cellphone number. I know it's the way forward even though I am aching for this person I've realised it's addiction, not love.

I wish you well with letting go, helps to know Im not alone.

[Jodini]

that feeling when u first wake up is just the worst..

[leafguy]

Nope, noone is alone in this...for me it is day 5.

I slept 5 hours consecutive for the first time in a week, but woke up feeling how bad I miss her.

 

I did get up to go golfing, but had a delay so I have an extra half hour on here. I'm still not at the point where I can say I'm missing her less each day. It's still a growing feeling every morning and I suspect it will be for at least the next little while.

 

Now that I have showered and ready to go I feel a bit better. I actually feel hungry for breakfast for the first time in a while.

 

Jodini, you said you took him back twice in 18 months? Why? What caused him to leave both times and end it?

Edited September 1, 2013 by leafguy

[leafguy]

Got out golfing and had a nice round...only problem was when I golf,

I also wander the fairways and forgot how much my mind tends to drift.

There was no outburst or anything, but just that general feeling of emptiness.

 

About to hit the gym to make myself feel better, but am kind of dreading tonight as I have been unable to make plans. Anyways gotta drag myself to get up and go enjoy a good workout. Will be back later as always.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Sounds like you need to do something that occupies your mind?

 

New video game? Movie? Volunteering?

 

 

Just a thought.

 

You ARE doing good.

 

IIWII

[leafguy]

Have tons of video games I have never played. I just find I can never focus when my mind is on something this big. It will be fine eventually, just all the big things tend to play over and over again.

 

It's like that annoying in-law that always shows up at the most inopportune moments -_-

[tart6245]

It takes time. You won't immediately get over it. Spend time with friends, do things you enjoy doing. She doesn't control your life. No one person is worth moping around over all the time, and eventually you will realize how silly you were fretting over that girl.

[leafguy]

Thx Tar,

It's not that I am moping. I have been out pretty much all the time the last few days save for an hour before bed and an hour after getting home from work. It is just simply that the thoughts creep into the mind at random times.

 

It will be as little as driving down the main street I usually picked her up. A journey I made for 5 years and it triggers the emotions.

I am sure in time I will be great again, but I am just no where near that state, despite the progress I have been making.

 

I guess part of it is just the confusing state she left me in when she ended it. Beg to come back, then leave a month later saying I felt like more of a friend vibe than an actual bf vibe. That screams other guy, but at the same time act out when I don't respond to her breadcrumbs.

 

Just has me confused as far as trying to figure out her reasoning. I know it won't change anything, but sort of trying to draw some form of conclusion for my own sake I guess...closure of sorts.

[Simon Phoenix]

Just has me confused as far as trying to figure out her reasoning. I know it won't change anything, but sort of trying to draw some form of conclusion for my own sake I guess...closure of sorts.

 

This is an absolute waste of time. The why doesn't matter in the least because, like you said, it won't change anything. Closure comes from you, not from them. You have to seize your own closure and your own recovery and your own happiness.

 

But yeah, trying to figure out what another person is thinking or why they are doing what they are doing is a worthless enterprise.

[leafguy]

Agreed Simon...

Been trying my best to eliminate this as fast as I possibly can. Despite the fact I have been NC for 5 days now and this is her first where she hasn't tried to reach out, the bread crumbs still got in my head a bit to cause me to

think about things a little...not that she will ever know.

 

The bottom line it really comes down to is I have to put myself on the pedestal again and hit life back harder than it hit me.

[leafguy]

Well day 5 down and had the evening to myself. Mind did not wander to much so it is time for some much needed sleep. Hopefully can get more than a few hours without waking up.

[Jodini]

Hi Leaf, how are you doing today? I managed to drag myself out of bed - being active is definitely good, but I know what you mean, the emptiness and the playing things out in your head doesn't really ever go away.

I was infatuated with this guy - still am. I would compare it to an addiction:(

The first time he left me I have no idea why - he just disappeared with no word of explanation. 5 months later I took him back when he reappeared out of the blue.

The second time he ended things because we had tried living together(rushed into that) and it had not worked out. Sadly I also went through a miscarriage and he wasn't there for me. Again, I missed him like hell, took him back after a month hoping we could give things one final try . But 2/3 months later he accused me of cheating, then ended things then I found out he is with a new GF. And now one month later I'm still stuck with a totally broken spirit.

Like you, am trying hard to stay active. I send a cyber hug.

[leafguy]

Jodini,

Sorry to hear all of that. I'll send a hug back

 

I just had my best night sleep in a while...good 8 hours without an issue,

but now that I am waking up I feel this huge emptiness that I severely miss her. Just this pain in the heart that seems to cut very deep. I know this will subside eventually, but I guess I know I still have a lot of days before I don't wake up with this pain.

[GTNBTTR]

Leaf,

I am going through the exact same thing as you. My problem was that I put her on a pedestal. I thought that she was my soul mate and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. What I do to cope with every day life is each time I start missing her or feel that excruciating pain I remind myself of all the things she has done to me while we were together.

 

When her and I got together I sat down with myself and said okay, I know the things I have done wrong in the past, I know what I need to correct, and I will be sure to do so this time around. I bent over backwards for my ex, I did everything she wanted to do, if her opinions were different than my own I kept my mouth shut, and I just lost my sense of self worth in the process.

 

Here is what you do to move on and become yourself again. First, assume everything is completely over. Do not chalk it up to GIGS as that will leave a desire for hope and hope will keep you right where you are now depressed, unable to function, etc. If you go NC, say okay it is over for good, each time you think of her you also think wait this woman has treated me poorly in the following ways. When you think about everything she's done wrong make that list as long as possible and i'm telling you the logic side of you will come alive and you will be like I finally get it.

 

Lastly, find women to talk to not to replace your ex but to boost your ego. You can even friend zone these women. It is a great feeling and will take your mind off your ex completely while you're texting other ladies. You will see that you do have a chance with someone new if you so choose and that your ex is the one who is actually missing out on you and not the other way around.

[OmegaProphet]

Hi Leaf,

Reading this whole thread I have seen soo many similatities to my situation. It has been over a month since the break and for me it hasn't become any less painful either.

 

My ex pulled the same card, no longer can see me as a boyfriend, only a friend. I allowed her to control me for a bit and greedily ate those breadcrumbs without hesitation. I still talk to her right now, she texts me as I write this.

 

Does it hurt? yes but at the same time I also believe that people are not something to throw away. 2 weeks into constant contact I began resolving my own issues a little, and resolving in my mind her issues.

 

You have to ask yourself something and respect your answer. Do you want to be with her again? Could you see being with her again? Could you forgive her for her actions?

 

I truly looked inside and realized I loved her and although I want her, I will not take her. She is my friend out of choice now, and the crumbs she leaves are ignored.

 

Weigh the pros and cons, is NC a tool used to manipulate or is it a tool to rebuild ourselves. The pain caused to ourselves with NC is a form of self abuse. We deny ourselves a person that we spent years with, a person who knows us deeply.

 

My therapist opened my eyes to these things. I am open and receptive and healing while talking with her. If anything the little crumbs and comments she makes now are letting me move on a little easier. So it is still not easy as of yet but I know myself.

 

This is the girl I loved for so long and I have to think hard on my reactions. Would I take her back? Yeah I would, but I will not beg or plead. Will it happen? Probably not and I am begining to accept that.

 

Some are stronger than others, you my friend are a strong person. If you feel NC is the option you need to help move on then I think it is great for you. If however this is a power manipulation play to get her back, it is time to re-evaluate what it is you are looking for. We as adults are better than this and I truly hope you find peace and serenity.

[leafguy]

Well...had a solid 13 hour sleep. That was nice. Now for the details:

 

GTNBTTR,

 

I did the exact same things as you with regards to putting her on the pedestal and ignoring myself. I kept my mouth shut as well and went along with everything she wanted to the point I lost who I was as well.

 

I am already under the understanding that everything is over as the relationship goes. I need to be myself again because if this week has taught me anything, it is how far I have fallen out of contact with friends, done what I want to do, and just how much of myself I had been missing, and it was alot of myself. The gym, sports, friends, to what I watched on TV were all things I gave up to make her happy. I never protested the last year, I just gave in to everything.

 

I have a broad network of people to talk to so support is no issue for me. In fact it has been a huge reason why I feel I have made a lot of progress.

 

 

 

OmegaProphet,

 

I have gone NC because I believe that is my best route to get over the initial shock and feelings of the break up. I don't believe that I need 60 days NC, or 3 months or whatever it is that everyone seems to swear by.

 

As you stated, you know that you need to fix yourself and that can be done with or without NC. As far as being with her again, far to soon to answer, consider or even think about. There are still those moments where I wish she would say she misses me and wants to come back, but in my heart I know I need to become myself before anything.

 

I am more on your side where I don't think I want to throw her out of my life in the long term as she gave me 5 amazing years and is someone who I know I will always have a great bond with. With that being said, the short term I can't talk to her due to the fact I believe it may stunt my healing a bit.

 

I'm sure that in the next month to however long, I will feel ok to send her a message and reach out, but it won't be until I feel I am in a far better spot with myself and can handle the issue of seeing / talking to her again. However, these is also the issue of can we be friends after it. We have fallen in love twice after resetting, so if I wait 3 months, I would have to question if that would happen again as I believe there are people you will always have that spark with and I believe she is one of them.

 

I guess time will tell...but I am confident that next week will be far better than this one and I will be back to myself very soon.

[leafguy]

So the family came over for dinner tonight and it hit home that she was not here. Someone who had been a staple at these dinners the last 5 years...really set me back.

 

It just did not feel the same not having her at the table with us. I did my best and got through it, but today has definitely been the most downer of a day since the break up.

 

The gym is closed unfortunately so I may go for a run tonight to try and feel a bit better.

[leafguy]

Well..day 6 down and evening went ok. Work tomorrow should be a good distraction. Hopefully won't have any outbursts tonight.

[KCCK]

Hi everyone, I read your stories and I do agree, NC is hard but it is the best.. Hope you all dont mind me sharing my BU which happened just a month ago.

 

I was with this girl for 2 years, it was very nice, everyone was saying we were like a fairy tale couple, she always suggested for us to get married after graduation and stay happy forever.. guess what, during the university semester break, she went back her hometown and I went back mine.. After 2 weeks of holiday in which we text and chat daily, she said we needed to talk.. Told me she wanted to break up as she had fallen for another guy. That guy promises her everything from the stars to the moon.. saying how that guy promise her that even though that guy earns a low pay, he is willing to work hard to support her...told me she went out for meals and sports with friendss but apparently it was just "a" friend.. .

 

Many of my friends who were close to us, asked me to forget her and keep NC and make her regret for choosing a 2 weeks guy over a 2 years guy. It was her decision to dump me.. Perhaps her love was never real from the beginning.. Perhaps it was just temporary until she could find someone else than dump me.. it has been 1 month since she dump me and I do admit I cried like **** and try begging her bag but she said, the feeling of love is no longer there... thinking back, I lost someone who doesnt love me and she lost someone who loves her very much. After reading through the post in this forum, I am feeling better as there are many good advices from this great community...

 

Just like Russell Peters said " Be a man, do the right thing" and I believe the right thing is to have NC and move on like a man... XD

[hurts2death]

i feel your pain i get through sth similar.

stay strong

 

we will succeed

[leafguy]

Well day 7 went a lot better. Was busy at work and had an overall good day thus far. Will be getting to the gym later and then that should kill the majority of the night.

[leafguy]

Just got back from the gym and feel really good. Ran a good 5 miles and now Im so tired Im just going to drop for 8 hours. Too tired to even think about things...good night LS.