Author leafguy Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 It-is-what-it-is, I am certainly going to mull that option as you are 100% right. We both know each other's addresses and have home numbers memorized. I was kinda hoping the lack of response on my end would be hint enough for her. But maybe two days isn't enough NC to get the message in. The good news is I've made plans for pretty much all weekend and should be good to get a couple of days of fun in my system to enjoy the single life. It's been so long since I have had 3 days to just go out, have fun and enjoy life with friends, so I am definitely looking forward to it. 1
Author leafguy Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Alright time for bed....day 2 to a close...expect a few rants tonight when I wake up with a tight chest.
simpleguycomplicated Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Leafguy, I've been following your posts for a while now, and I have to say, you and I seem to be strangely similar, personality type and story. To sum it up for you, I went through essentially the same thing, emotional affair, tool her back on her pleading, ended up getting burned a few months later, and fell into a crumbling, nervous wreck. And that's not the worst part. After I'd re-grouped and started doing those things that regular people do, (you know, sleeping, eating, showering, going to work with your hair combed etc), I had a few dates, which were nice, but I wasn't really ready at the time. Then, bam. The most perfect woman I could have ever hoped to meet popped up out of no where, at a time where I kind of despised women, she just came out of no where with the power to change my belief. The problem is, I was still grieving over my last relationship because at this point it was still pretty soon after the fact. I still had the self esteem issues and the defense mechanisms in place, so I inevitably screwed it up. I went from being with a woman for 5 years who absolutely treated me like crap, like I didn't even matter, and taking her back only to be burned again, to being with a woman for too short of a time, who wanted to do nothing but love me unconditionally, and help me, and live life with me, to telling her she was the bitch, and screwing up my chance of happiness. I will stop rambling, but if I could give any advice, it sounds cliche, but get to know yourself, and like yourself again. Realise that your ex isn't the one, she can't be if she can do that. So good luck to her, but you're both done with each other. It's at a toxic tipping point now. Screw around a bit if need be, if that's for you, turns out it wasn't for me, but everyone's different. Gain back your independence, the self belief that you are, in fact, a great guy, you're worthwhile, and there are women out there with greater capabilities of seeing and appreciating that, just not your ex. Good luck sir, and keep fighting the good fight. Matt.
Author leafguy Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Thx for the support Matt, Unfortunately I am not not one to screw around either. I am simply just not that type of person. I need the kinship and feelings before I have relations with someone. I am also sorry to hear about your story...seems to be more common than I thought with regards to emotional affairs and second chances. And for me, it's another very tight chest again. I actually had some dinner tonight, but my stomach is churning now. Not sure why as I had been fine all day. Going to attempt to go back to sleep again as I am exhausted..just can't wait until I can sleep a few hours without waking up feeling like this.
Author leafguy Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Well.....sleep has been no different tonight. 2 hour increments followed by an upset stomach and tight chest. This needs to get better soon.
hurts2death Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 leafguy i was getting the same symptoms exactly. it is temprarily, be patient,. after 3 dyas-5 days i was sleeping more than 5 hours without waking up stressed and swet, it heals fast just realize that as i did, they left us, THEY not us, SIMPLE
killershaft Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Hey followed your thread for sometime now... my suggestion would be to not reply to her... thats the only way in which she will realise her mistake. if u reply or show some signs on the same she will take u for granted (as shes been doing for all this while now). As the earlier thread mentions shes just contacting you to alleviate her guilt. I have been in the same position as you a year back... trust me she will hurt you big time if u continue this... find yourself a girl who loves you unconditionally.. and trust me when you find one you will forget about this girl completely.... keep the faith mate.. see you on the other side of the tunnel soon
Author leafguy Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Tonight was by far the worst night yet. Barely slept...feeling sick to my stomach. Not sure why as yesterday evening I actually felt half decent. It makes me dread the fact the weekend is coming now despite the plans I have made. Work today is going to be brutal I think. Going to try and push through.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Call your doctor and get some ambien or something to help you sleep this weekend. If you won't do that then get some melatonin from whole foods, or natural store. Take it when you are in bed, then watch a boring movie, or read some bland story or work text. A movie like Ishtar ...I am sure other people can recommend movies to sleep by.... For me, work books always make me sleepy. Or government documents. Playing boring games online (not good games). It takes some time...you are doing fine. IIWII
Author leafguy Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Today was actually the best day at work so far. After a morning outburst, I was actually semi social the rest of the day and thought about things a little less. I also bought myself a guitar last night with the intention of learning to play as I was big into music back in college...seems like a good place where I can put some emotion into from the heart. Unfortunately plans got cancelled tonight but will be a gym, video game and guitar night I believe. Got three days off so will hopefully try to be busy all weekend where I don't think about it. 1
seekingpeaceinlove Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Sorry to hear that you're going through this again but glad you're feeling better today. It's been almost 3 weeks since bf broke up with me and I'm nor really sure if I'm all that better. I'm taking it day by day... very up and down. I wake up with a heavy heart and it goes away during the day but comes back every night/morning. I've done everything I can to stay busy, active and positive but the sadness lingers and I know it will for some time. FYI: On really bad days where you're anxious or can't sleep, try drinking Passionflower tea. The herb also comes in tincture form or pills but it's a natural relaxant. Look it up..it helped me get through the first week when my stomach was in knots and I couldn't sleep. Remember you're not alone and you you will get through this.
Author leafguy Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 Thx seeking, It was my own fault for taking her back knowing things were not right. I should have waited a bit longer then had a chat about things that needed to change. The dynamic did not change, we were still the same and in the end it cost the relationship with what could have been some fixable issues within a month or two. My parents suggested counselling if I wanted to contact her again as she was well liked by the family. So far it has fallen on deaf ears as I don't think it will have any effect on her personality type...stubborn and independent. I think that small part of me that realizes I need to fix myself in all of this is winning out as I want to make myself ready on my terms for anything in the future. Im eating somewhat normally again as the last two days I have had three meals...smaller yesterday, bigger today and the stomach has not been upset, save for morning. Having three days off will be a test as far as things go because of alot of idle time. But hopefully it won't be too bad. The time on here has done wonders as even though Im thinking about it as I vent, its been great to provide some advice and receive tons of support to help me feel better.
Saber_Tooth Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Keep posting leafguy. We're all rooting for you and listening/reading. We all know what you're going through, and probably even today have felt the same way - sick to our stomach, crying throughout the day (some days I feel like I cry more than not cry), can't sleep, can't eat, can't stop missing that person. One thing I love about LS is that it is full of good, faithful, caring, thoughful people like you. We'll all get through this and find better matches when we are healed and ready. In the meantime, just keep writing it out.
Author leafguy Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Thx Saber. Aside from one outburst first thing at work...today has been a far better day than I thought after I woke up. JUst got back from the gym again and feel pretty good. Heading out for a few hours to kill the rest of the evening. And you are right for sure...LS has been a blessing. I find myself looking forward to logging in every few hours to find support and new posts to read. It's been a breath of fresh air and I should be thanking everyone. 1
Author leafguy Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Had a good night out...got a good buzz going so I am going to try and sleep. Hopefully get more than a few hours. 1
Author leafguy Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Well I managed to get about 4.5 hours of sleep and that was because of sheer tiredness. Back to the head is spinning thoughts racing after I wake up. Im still exhausted so hopefully this helps me, but I'm just not sure what to do. I don't want to resort to getting a drug to help me sleep, but the quality of sleep is so bad I'm still finding Im tired during the day. Maybe it was just the alcohol effect..who knows. But anyways, think my rant is done. Going to try for more sleep.
Author leafguy Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Just had a dream about everything that has left me breathless and crying. Stomach is back to churning and chest is like a vice. Don't get why the first few hours of sleep actually felt good then this has to happen. Gonna try for a couple more, but this one sent my head spinning. Pain is worse now than ever.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Leaf: A couple days of sleep will help you so much. You really should not feel bad about "resorting" to meds. You need help sleeping....they have meds that fix that... Try melatonin (@natural food stores like whole foods) it works pretty well. Or call your dr. And get meds. You are doing great, you really are...take care. IIWII
BC1980 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I'm sorry you are going though this. I'm 4 months post break-up from a 3 year relationship. I just initiated NC after months of BS. I was letting him initiate all contact for the past 2 months, while he tried to figure out what he wanted. I foolishly thought he was showing signs of wanting to try again, so I would advise you not to respond to any breadcrumbs. Nothing less than a groveling, I made a mistake email will get a response from me. And maybe that won't even get a response. It takes time, and sometimes you will be okay for a week, then you will be reminded of something and break down again. LS has also helped me tremendously. The best thing I did was to start reconnecting with friends I had not spent as much time with in recent years, and I took a few trips. I started looking at the positives. I always wanted to travel nurse, so maybe I can do that now that I am not attached to anyone here. No, it doesn't take away the ache inside, but a lot of life is what you make of it. You really have to force yourself or fake being happy until it becomes real.
Author leafguy Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Thx BC, I am trying to fake it until I make it approach. Im busy through the day, just nights have been the problem. My buddy suggested melatonin as well, so I may give that a shot. I'm glad I can sleep in, but this every two hour stuff hurts. Maybe I will look at some this afternoon. 1
hurts2death Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 leafguy. we are men. stand strong.... we have the balls. they dumped us? really? so? wtf? let get this lesson to succeed.... start now and drive your thinks to you not her. stand infront of the mirror and release the demons,,,,, somebody did to us sth, not we.... leave them., let them pay through life and just dont care about them, i promise you around the corner there is a hottie with a soul. i promise you
Author leafguy Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Doing my best to try not to think of it. Really the first day since I have really had a a bit of idle time so naturally the thoughts are running a bit wild. Im about to head to the gym and out for the evening, so that should keep me occupied. Also have been doing a good job of leaving the phone out of sight and out of mind. Looking forward to tonight as well to start teaching myself some guitar and putting a bit of emotion into some music...haven't played since high school so figure it might be a positive change to make. 1
hurts2death Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 i also do this with the phone... hey leafguy i dont know if it makes it easier but the dumpers were emotional cheating on us a long time ago they were thinking of leaving so they dont deserve our pain... **** them.... they dont deserve nothing.... although this might not be every case ofcourse ... just think of that. would you leave a girl after you thought it for a day? i dont think so
Author leafguy Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Just easier that way with the phone. Completely takes it out of play to not be waiting and checking, wash rinse and repeat. Just got back from the gym and feeling good about myself for the time being. Got 10min on here then drinks and movies to kill the night. Then it will be time to bust out youtube and the guitar to start my self teaching. 1
Author leafguy Posted September 1, 2013 Author Posted September 1, 2013 Well night ended sooner than planned unfortunately. Back at home early...put phone away and getting so much needed PS3 time lol. Unfortunately had an outburst on the drive home as I heard "our" song. 1
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