JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Hey I got pride, I haven't responded...yet But he is reaching out to me, I hate to just ignore a gesture of good will. Oh please knock that guy off that pedestal ASAP. You sound like you glorify him. It's not a matter of making him work harder or not making him work at all stand your ground commit to NC and stay strong that's it.
Chi townD Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Ok, let's say I do ignore his message, what's to say that he just realizes that I no longer care for him and doesn't reach out again. I lose the small opportunity I might have here (at least that's how it feels to me). Then you move on! There are 7 billion people on this planet and your hung up on a guy that doesn't treat you the way a woman deserves to be treated. Look, you still like the guy. You're hung up on the guy. I get it. But, you have to look inside yourself and find out that you have self worth. That when you open yourself up to a guy that shows you love, kindness and RESPECT, that he's going to get that back and much more from a devoted woman. A real man realizes that. Not this guy. I truly believe that there is a guy out there and he's exactly what you're looking for. He won't put you on a pedestal, but will stand beside you and consider you his partner in life, his lover, his woman and HIS BEST FRIEND! This guy has NOT shown you these qualities. That guy is still out there. And he's trying to find you. But, he's never going to be able to do that if you're hung up on a guy that I believe is try to get a booty call. Sorry, but I truly believe that is what his intention is. You deserve more than that. 7
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 A response. Attention. Think of him like a 3 year old. You know how toddlers love any kind of attention, even the negative kind? That's what he's doing. He wants you to react. I'd suggest conducting an experiment, but I don't think it's appropriate in your state, since you are pretty hung up on him. But if you were to respond to him, I'd be willing to wager that you'd get no reply, and he'd probably then ignore you for at least a week. Because you gave him what he wanted - a reaction. Stand your ground, I'm telling you... Ok, I just assumed he would respond back since he reached out. It never occurred to me that then he would ignore any return message (that would be bad on his part and certainly let me know he wasn't being sincere) but unless I respond how can I know?
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 very funny! but why should I be so hostile, I like him. I'm sorry to say this but you sound like you were and still are his puppet.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 ok, so if the dog is still there, I'm sorry, but given how emotional I am right now, it's hard to see what's wrong with that. I care about him why can't I re-engage? My perspective is quite limited, I've just gone 18 days with no contact, and I miss him alot, I'd like to get back together with him and he's finally reached out. He wants to know how I'm doing (he probably misses me too) what am I waiting for?? So you are so emotional too that you are willing to be a dog, at least metaphorically?
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Oh please knock that guy off that pedestal ASAP. You sound like you glorify him. It's not a matter of making him work harder or not making him work at all stand your ground commit to NC and stay strong that's it. nah, not glorify him, he has his issues, but I'm just so curious where this could go between us, and since he is reaching out (as limited as it is) I'd like to see what might happen...and hell, maybe I can then be the one to dump him
Simon Phoenix Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 nah, not glorify him, he has his issues, but I'm just so curious where this could go between us, and since he is reaching out (as limited as it is) I'd like to see what might happen...and hell, maybe I can then be the one to dump him Yeah right. You don't have the backbone to do such a thing. I'm sorry, but your head is in the clouds right now. You are basically setting yourself up to be a booty call, or worse, a joke right now if you follow through on your impulses. 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 I'm sorry to say this but you sound like you were and still are his puppet. yeah, there may be truth in your statement..once I fell for him it's been very hard to resist him oh crap, maybe not a good thing for me if he is not kind (but he has been very kind to me in the past)
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 You are being highly delusional he sends you a comma and you freak out now he sends hi how are you or something rather and you are ready to jump all over him, hang on to the little bit of dignity you have left. Hold yourself at higher regards than this, this lame text he sent is not earth shatter or anything of substance for that matter, and yes it's ok to be selfish and this is clearly one of those moments when you need to do what's best for you delete the text and continue to recover.
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Yeah right. You don't have the backbone to do such a thing. I'm sorry, but your head is in the clouds right now. You are basically setting yourself up to be a booty call, or worse, a joke right now if you follow through on your impulses. wow...you really think from what I shared it's that bad? no, a booty call is not enough for me and being a joke would be even more painful...uggh! He was very into me and showed me alot of romance and affection..I know he cared about me (and probably still does), but I know I gotta respect myself here as well. I just don't want to give him the totally cold shoulder--is there no middle ground between ignoring him and being a door mat?
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 yeah, there may be truth in your statement..once I fell for him it's been very hard to resist him oh crap, maybe not a good thing for me if he is not kind (but he has been very kind to me in the past) I also fell hard for my ex and did many stupid yes stupid things for her, things that I never in my wildest dreams would imagine doing for someone and yes I used to think she was kind but the saddest part is that it took her dumping me an in retrospect analyze what occured in our relationship to realize I was only a fawkin vehicle for her. You can still save yourself future grief and know that this will only end up being bad for you. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 wow...you really think from what I shared it's that bad? no, a booty call is not enough for me and being a joke would be even more painful...uggh! He was very into me and showed me alot of romance and affection..I know he cared about me (and probably still does), but I know I gotta respect myself here as well. I just don't want to give him the totally cold shoulder--is there no middle ground between ignoring him and being a door mat? Not when you are the one dumped. He rejected you, it's not up to you to be welcoming and friendly. He basically fired you from the relationship and you want to pathetically lick his feet because he texted "hey, how are you?" I'm guessing you are young, because you sound awfully naive. Please listen to the posters here. What you want to do is a tragically awful idea. Literally one of the worst ideas I've read on this site. 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 So you are so emotional too that you are willing to be a dog, at least metaphorically? no, I'm not a dog, his or anybody else's.. I just remember the good times we had, that he was kind & respectful, and that I was alittle too self-absorbed when I was with him..this led to his dissatisfaction with me, now he's at least contacting me, maybe not great contact so ok I get that. I'm sorry my perspective is so limited but I'm really in the thick of it here.
Phoe Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 It was times like this in my past when I would learn to just shut my phone off and throw it under the bed. I never needed my phone badly enough to risk some painful contact... 4
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 This thread made me smile. That is all.....
Simon Phoenix Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 no, I'm not a dog, his or anybody else's.. I just remember the good times we had, that he was kind & respectful, and that I was alittle too self-absorbed when I was with him..this led to his dissatisfaction with me, now he's at least contacting me, maybe not great contact so ok I get that. I'm sorry my perspective is so limited but I'm really in the thick of it here. The good times you had are null and void right now. Think of them as files on your computer that have been deleted and are sitting in the recycle bin. What happened was that he broke up with you. And if he wants to get back with you, not responding to "hi, how are you?" isn't going to stop him. But yes, you are basically wanting to act like his dog right now.
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Not answering is actually a middle ground. The extreme end would be sending an abusive text telling him to go f*ck himself. Think about the level of mystery you are projecting by not answering. Are you too busy? Are you out with someone else? If your phone broken? Did you fall off a cliff? The suspense would be palpable... this is a GOOD thing! Ok, I get it. I have been suffering from his rejection for a long time now, the last thing I want to do is re-awaken all that intense pain. Since there has been a unanimous response that contacting him is a very bad idea for me, I will (even though reluctantly) listen to your wise counsel and will ignore his text, even tomorrow I won't respond oh, I so miss him though!!
Simon Phoenix Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Ok, I get it. I have been suffering from his rejection for a long time now, the last thing I want to do is re-awaken all that intense pain. Since there has been a unanimous response that contacting him is a very bad idea for me, I will (even though reluctantly) listen to your wise counsel and will ignore his text, even tomorrow I won't respond oh, I so miss him though!! Of course you miss him. That's normal. But you are addicted to him like a drug and you are looking to get your fix. Problem is that the fix won't be enough and you'll feel worse afterward. 2
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Good girl, you are making the right decision. I'm sure this won't be the last of him, do the same thing you did tonight and post here immediately.
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Thank you everyone for taking the time to walk me through this!! I very much appreciate the efforts you've made to save me from myself! 2
Chi townD Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 When he dumped you, he made the choice to have you out of his life. A choice that you were forced to live with. Now that he's curious and wondering where you went because you found the strength to start NC, now he wants to contact you and go back on his own decision just to satisfy his own curiosity and your expense. Don't give him that power over you. Don't give up 18 days a hard work in NC. This guy isn't your world, this guy isn't your entire life. Our lives are our own and we chose who we SHARE it with. He chose to have you out of his life. Not to share it with you anymore. Now, if he thinks it was a mistake then he needs to do a HELLVA lot more than a comma and a nothing text! If this is a mistake he made, then that's a mistake he has to live with because you don't have to. 4
Author Brown-Eyez Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Of course you miss him. That's normal. But you are addicted to him like a drug and you are looking to get your fix. Problem is that the fix won't be enough and you'll feel worse afterward. that is exactly what I want to avoid...I'd like him & I to move forward, but if his intent (sad as it may be) is just to use me, that I don't want. 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 OP - I have been reading through this thread and I am truly worried about you. This will not end well if you are not careful. This is a tipping point for you. You see, this forum is filled, literally filled, with stories just like yours. Unfortunately, yours is not special or unique. Rather it is textbook, and we have all seen it before. Many times. Listen and learn. There is another 'young' lady on here who was in a position much like yours. And she was given proper advice time and time and time again. Yet, she thought she knew better. Well her story appears to finally be coming to a positive end. The sad thing is, it took more than a year of serious pain and suffering. Reading her threads made my stomach turn. No human being should suffer at their own hand as she has. Please don't be another. This is not a joke. This is real life and you are being given good, solid advice. If you are smart, you will listen!! Good luck 6
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 OP - I have been reading through this thread and I am truly worried about you. This will not end well if you are not careful. This is a tipping point for you. You see, this forum is filled, literally filled, with stories just like yours. Unfortunately, yours is not special or unique. Rather it is textbook, and we have all seen it before. Many times. Listen and learn. There is another 'young' lady on here who was in a position much like yours. And she was given proper advice time and time and time again. Yet, she thought she knew better. Well her story appears to finally be coming to a positive end. The sad thing is, it took more than a year of serious pain and suffering. Reading her threads made my stomach turn. No human being should suffer at their own hand as she has. Please don't be another. This is not a joke. This is real life and you are being given good, solid advice. If you are smart, you will listen!! Good luck Very well said.
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