achybreaky Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 My wife (35)and I (38)have known each other for 20 years been together 10 years and married for 6. We have 3 children 5, 2, and 9 months. She has a 16 yo daughter from a previous relationship with a friend of mine. We were best friends first then we started dating. Her daughter's dad, my buddy ended up in jail for 2 yrs and wasn't around often when he was out. I raised her with her mom. She didn't treat me like her dad and I let her not show respect without telling her mom. I got angry inside and mean especially when I caught her with her boyfriend at 15! So needles to say we didn't get along well the last 3 years at peat. Over the years my wife felt I didn't give her enough attention and communication she desired and I ignored her pleas now she is the walk away wife. Losing my job was the final straw. She waited a week then told me it was over. She always said she would never leave because of my 5 yo son he adores me but she finally broke. Before she told me it was over she started talking to an old boyfriend who was recently divorced and he is selling her a load of bs telling her he knows in his soul they were meant to be together and he loves her. I had moved out for a month but always over to help with the baby and kids. She talked reconciliation and we did make love a few times. She said she missed me but her daughter flipped out and threatened to leave if I come back so we slowed it down. I had to move back a week later due to financial reasons and now she is cold again and continues to text and talk to the guy. She doesn't want to end it because she doesn't think I will change or make enough money to support us. She now works full time and the kids have to go to sitters etc.. I'm sleeping in my sons room and sometimes he sleeps with mom. We nth saw attorneys in June but only she paid retainer for collaborative divorce. This was before she thought about reconciling. When she originally decided she thought she was so sure, but of course has had 2nd thought but already involved her mom, dad, and daughter who she treats like friend rather than mom/daughter. I want to save the marriage and spoke to our priest he's very a good man and she respects as well. He reached out to her but she did not respond back yet. Her dad actually gave him her number. Her parents are ok with reconciliation but she doesn't want to upset her daughter who they say I mentally abused the last 3 years. Asking to help do chores etc.. to only be talked back to then I would lose it. She is being nasty again and we did not even speak tonight after I got home from work. I stayed away and kept busy until now laying in bed. I'm not leaving as I own the house not community property and she plans to stay until after kids get out of school as shes mad she didn't get a place of her own sooner even though she can't afford it. What can I say and or do to save our marriage. I miss her love and affection so much but didn't realize until she was gone...
Author achybreaky Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 When is the 180 or last chance method appropriate to use. I feel like I need to stop worrying what she's doing get myself together get this new job rolling and show her ill be fine. Any suggestions?
GorillaTheater Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Now is an excellent time to start the 180. Stay strong, and don't give in to the fear of pissing her off. See my very recent posts on Logik's thread which expand on that theme.
Author achybreaky Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 I am keeping a good attitude and doing all the little things around the house I used to botch and complain about. She keeps bringing that up. I don't ask her any questions other than what relates to the kids. She has not tried to start any conversations either. Just cordial and that's it. It feels so weird that just over 3 months ago we were so different. I feel like an outsider in my house unless the kids are around. She keeps making money or lack thereof comments. And prior to my nc she would say if you were a man and doing what I was supposed to she would have not left nor started talking to om. My Prayer and faith in God has given me the strength to continue to stand for my marriage and family. I already lost 30 lbs down from 215 but need to add 10-20 healthy muscle pounds back. She is so mad I put her and the kids in this position but of course it was unintended. I have always been the breadwinner and very successful. Now I'm a piece of s#!t. Its hard to swallow my big ego and pride, but I am a humbled and broken man and have hit the bottom if not close to it. I love this woman so much but have to put reconciliation talk on hold and let God give me strength courage and guidance. Missing the mortgage pmt isn't helping matters but I have greater faith than ever before and will not let the evil one ruin another marriage without a well executed God-led defense that will lead me to an offensive. I have not tried to contact om as I would love to physically harm but that will only push further away. He is the symptom not the cause. I have to let God use him as a footstool to lift me up. I wish I could look at her and make that eye contact again. Just looking and seeing love a wink a smile that touch or caress. It will all be worth the wait and my children will be the biggest beneficiary. They all say if you can reconcile after a separation like this your marriage will end up better than you could ever imagined if the changes are real. They are
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