indicolite Posted November 13, 2004 Posted November 13, 2004 help, maybe this goes under the dating forum, but i am now dating again which was a great thing to get out of my rut! but i neep help because while i am sure i am over my ex (that was a few years back), i am now finding myself a little clingy and obsessive over someone after a few dates. is this desperation? i really like the guy, but i obviously dont "love" him at this point, but why do i obsess? i am afraid it has driven him away but i cant be so nonchalant about someone i really like (ie play hard to get, ignore them some). what can anyone tell me, in similar situations or based upon experience.? do i just need to date a bunch of people so that it doesn't happen? i tend to focus on one person at a time--ie i dont like sleeping around. am i hopeless??
BurningBright Posted November 13, 2004 Posted November 13, 2004 No you are not hopeless!! I just recently went through pretty much the same thing. I was head over heals for this one guy.. it ended, and then 6 months later I met my current BF. I wasn't as "clingy" at first, since I wasn't sure if I wanted him as more then a friend; however, after it progressed I started to catch myself getting kinda clingy. Whenever I would notice I was cuddling with him ALL the time while watching a movie, I would kinda shift over so I wasn't cuddlin anymore. Well to my amazement he started to cuddle me immediately. Now he has gone away on a trip, so I haven't seen him in about 4 months so I can't be clingy at all now. You have realized that you are kinda getting this way. Who cares why.. (it could be any of what you suggested... you are the only one that truly knows the reason), lets just try to correct it. Get a hobby. Let him make the first moves more. Let him call you, touch you, kiss you, etc. If he writes you a letter, write back approximately the same size letter (if he writes you 2 lines, don't write him a page long letter.) Start really realizing you have your own life. He has just joined it. You shouldn't be changing the life you have had just for him. If in the worst case scenario something happens and you guys aren't together anymore, you would be even more devastated if you were still clingy, compared to if you were really independent and had your own life that you could turn to. I'm not saying totally ignore him, just cut back. You know what you have been doing that may seem clingy, so just cut those things back. If you normally call him 3 times a day... make it only once. Hope this helps, and good luck! ~BurningBright
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