I just read realistic tip for surviving the end of your relationship and...

[dearsuzan]

... I decided to edit my post.

 

What happens if you can't do no contact with your ex because he's there everyday sitting across from you?

 

how do you heal then?

[JDPT]

as in work, school, care to elaborate?

[dearsuzan]

We work together. He sits right across of me.

[JDPT]

Ok. I was in the same situation as you were a few years ago with my now ex. I minimized communication with her clearly without allowing it to affect my performance at work. When you are at work it's straight business, don't engage or initiate conversation unless it's work related. With regards to healing in time you will eventually heal but it may take a bit longer than expected as you are forced to see this individual on a daily basis.

[dearsuzan]

But what happens when you have hopes of re-initiating a relationship. We had a really messy relationship over the past year because I was really depressed. I've been working on myself and he even mentioned that the last 6 months of our relationship, I made such drastic changes (but in a good way). I keep having this hope that he'll notice and feel like I'm someone worth having in his life but I realized today just how damaging it can be and how it distracts me from focusing on me.

 

He and I are still friendly, there's even some mild flirting. I just don't know what the right thing to do is in this situation.

[JDPT]

You guys broke up for a reason or perhaps many. I commend you in improving yourself and battling your depression. From this point forward all that matters here is you and your recovery journey which is a journey that you must embark on by yourself. Remain focus on your needs and wants, I understand how excruciating it is to lose a loved one but know that you will make it out of this and life does go on without them, just like they manage without us.

[Sallygirl]

I'm in this same situation and it is so very hard. I'm trying hard to limit contact to work only, but he has initiated conversations about how good I look, he good it is to see me, how if i want to talk to let him know. I've ignored all of it.

 

Its not easy, but there are good people here to support you. Reach out here in your weak moments...

[dearsuzan]

Did you break up wth your your ex or did your ex break up with you

[Sallygirl]

Did you break up wth your your ex or did your ex break up with you

 

I walked away from him and his very complicated situation. But notice, and I remind myself of this everyday, that he did NOT stop me from walking away...

[dearsuzan]

What made you decide to finally walk away? And I do feel weak, thank you so much Sally. I just dont know the right way to act in this situation.

 

He and I had such a tumultuous relationship because of a lot of external sources, I divorced my abusive husband the day before I started a physical relationship with him, we went thru an abortion, I had a mental breakdown because of stuff from my ex and his family, my family disowning me, his ex girlfriend (who is also a coworker) trying to ruin our relationship and turning our workmates against me, and the list goes on and on and on. He and I went thru a lot and a big part of it is I was trying to find myself and define myself from scratch. I seriously didn't know who I was when he and I started dating or what I wanted from myself - I was so lost.

[Sallygirl]

What made you decide to finally walk away? And I do feel weak, thank you so much Sally. I just dont know the right way to act in this situation.

 

He and I had such a tumultuous relationship because of a lot of external sources, I divorced my abusive husband the day before I started a physical relationship with him, we went thru an abortion, I had a mental breakdown because of stuff from my ex and his family, my family disowning me, his ex girlfriend (who is also a coworker) trying to ruin our relationship and turning our workmates against me, and the list goes on and on and on. He and I went thru a lot and a big part of it is I was trying to find myself and define myself from scratch. I seriously didn't know who I was when he and I started dating or what I wanted from myself - I was so lost.

 

Hi Suzan. I just replied fully in my thread titled AGAIN. Basically I ultimately walked away because he and his life are a mess. I almost think he is going through a mid life crisis. Ido think that deep down he is a good man, just behaving badly as he goes through a bad time. I just wish he would never have involved me.

 

Our end goals were not the same. I am looking for someone to marry and have a family with. His life is moving in the opposite direction. It doesn't make the heartache any less or the breadcrumbs (or whatever it is) any harder to resist.

[oracle]

You live your own life.

 

I have done it for three years and moved on while living with my ex.

 

Its a choice.. but one you can't really make.. At one point you will just be done, and it won't matter to you anymore and you will start building a new you.

 

Its upto you how much power you give to your ex.

 

... I decided to edit my post.

 

What happens if you can't do no contact with your ex because he's there everyday sitting across from you?

 

how do you heal then?

[dearsuzan]

I just saw him at work - like I do everyday. He seemed so distant. I think he started seeing someone else. We needed to talk about work and he wouldnt even look at me as we talked. I needed to put something on his desk and I did it when he wasnt there - he started freaking out that I was next to his computer. I just feel not ok. I dont know what to do.

[crederer]

I walked away from him and his very complicated situation. But notice, and I remind myself of this everyday, that he did NOT stop me from walking away...

 

 

I really don't mean to be harsh, but this isn't hollywood. My girl walked away from me and I so badly wanted to stop her but she obviously didn't want to be with me, hence why she was leaving. I didn't want to look like a cheap, desperate puke by begging and pleading with her to stay.

 

If you wanted him to stop you, you shouldn't have walked in the first place.

[dearsuzan]

You guys, I'm really sorry for being annoying about this but I really could use some advice. How should I act with him?

 

Please keep in mind, we had a very messy relationship and we never got to have the dating phase. And we never fell in love but there's something there and we feel it when we're together and we're both so confused. It's just that everything was so messy from beginning to end for so many reasons.

 

I want us to have a chance, I want us to start over and actually have a chance to fall in love. We work together and see him everyday and I'm not sure what I'm not sure how to act.

[oracle]

There is no starting over.

 

The sooner you accept that.. the better you will be.

 

You said it yourself it was a MESSY relationship.

 

You KNOW..... now ACCEPT.

 

It doesn't matter HOW you act.. Hes done with you. Have some self respect and act how you want people to see you as.

 

You guys, I'm really sorry for being annoying about this but I really could use some advice. How should I act with him?

 

Please keep in mind, we had a very messy relationship and we never got to have the dating phase. And we never fell in love but there's something there and we feel it when we're together and we're both so confused. It's just that everything was so messy from beginning to end for so many reasons.

 

I want us to have a chance, I want us to start over and actually have a chance to fall in love. We work together and see him everyday and I'm not sure what I'm not sure how to act.