ps123 Posted November 13, 2004 Posted November 13, 2004 I had a relationship end a little over two weeks ago. Actually 15 days ago to be exact. She was the one that ended it, and I wont go into details, but it was mostly ended because she has some really serious issues going on in her life right now and I guess she just couldnt let me in to be there for her. Theres WAAY more to it than that, but thats the quick version. I felt like I was getting a little better last weekend, but this week, I seem to have gotten worse. The last 3 days have been incredibly hard for some reason. Im really missing her and I still think about her several times a day. Several times an hour even. It just seems like when I start to forget, theres something that reminds me of her... a song, a resturant, something around my house..whatever. Im in a pretty bad bout of depression right now and its getting so bad that Im actually getting kind of scared. I went through a bad period of depression in the first part of last summer and this feels a hundred times worse. I have 3 emotions right now: mad, sad or just walking around in a fog. The other night I was so down I wouldve done almost anything to get out of it...even just for an hour or two. This was the first woman Ive really like in several years and I really put everything I had into this only to have it not work. Its just left me feeling really abandoned and empty. Anyway, does anyone have any advice or anything? I just dont seem to be getting past this. Im to the point I really want to. I still have that shred of hope that she'll call and maybe we can date again, but Im fairly certain thats not going to happen and I know keeping that little bit of hope is part of what keeps me in this sh**ty place. The relationship was sort of unhealthy anyway so even if she did come back, it probably wouldnt be a good idea to date again anyways. Any suggestions on ways to get over her and move on? Any other suggestions? Thanks for any help you can give me.
katty Posted November 13, 2004 Posted November 13, 2004 I don't have any wisdom to share or any help but I am here if you just need someone to vent to or just to listen, I know how your feeling. Take care of yourself. I will say an extra prayer for you tonight. Kat
bluechocolate Posted November 13, 2004 Posted November 13, 2004 I just dont seem to be getting past this. Give yourself time - 15 days isn't a significant amount of time when it comes to getting over break-ups. I'm sorry you feel so sh*tty about it, but time does heal - it's a cliche I know - but it's true. Every morning when you wake up you're one day further along to getting over her & you can only take it a day at a time - & yes, some days will be worse than others, but you will get there in the end. Don't beat yourself up over the bad days - embrace them with the knowledge that it's part of the healing process. it probably wouldnt be a good idea to date again anyways. Certainly not when you're feeling this way - I think that will only make matters worse for you because you'll only be delaying the process of moving on without your ex. I find that physical activity (going to the gym, swimming, running, etc.) helps tremendously when my mind is in a turmoil - you can literally sweat those feelings away, even if just for an hour or two. I hope you start feeling better soon.
xxsilverdragonxx Posted November 13, 2004 Posted November 13, 2004 The thing that helps me out is knowing that everyone that posts here is, has, or was going through very tough situations. So that lets me know that there are people out there hurting just like me, with the same feelings, just different circumstances. So don't feel like you are alone in your pain. WE EACH SHARE IT. Some people here are also at different places in their breakup. I for example mark tommorow as being a month since my breakup. Do I wake up and think about her? Of course; we spent a year of lives together everyday. Does my heart beat like a million times when I drive by her house? Definitely. The little reminders of the relationship you once had have so far been the toughest thing for me. The places, the sounds, the names, even some smells remind me of her. But I have to convince myself I am still going down the same river at the same speed, and I lost a passenger that was riding with me. What I'm trying to make sense of is that you move forward no matter who comes and goes. Think about what you did when someone you knew passed away. You grieved, you felt abandoned, maybe lost. But slowly the world starts coming back alive again, and thats when you know that you have changed for the better. For now, do like me, and try your hardest to concentrate and focus on improving your life.
opaleye Posted November 14, 2004 Posted November 14, 2004 Yeah it really sucks to be where you are right now. Being caught up in the dark despair and pain and missing them so much. I was there bout 2 months ago and was there for bout a month. During that time I was really depressed, crying all the time, not eating, not going to uni, basically just existing. But every day it does get better, although some days are worse. One day you'll be feeling better then the next day you'll wake up feeling bad for no reason. BUT it does get better. It really really does. The way I started to get my life back was when I realised that I didn't want to get back together with my ex. I realised that I didn't need him and that he didn't deserve me. Once I accepted that we weren't going to be together again I began to realise that I was actually better off that way. It was kind of liberating in a way. Even though I still miss him lots regularly and every now and then I wish we were still together I also know that I am moving on. It's really hard for sure but you WILL be okay. It doesn't seem like it now but you will be. Allow yourself to miss her and adjust. Don't be too hard on yourself, you'll be okay. Best of luck, be strong.
Author ps123 Posted November 15, 2004 Author Posted November 15, 2004 Thanks for the encouragement. Today was hard again, but I just keep trusting that the feelings will eventually go away. Its hard not to always second guess things. Should I have done this, not done that..blah blah. I know its over and I cant change anything, but its hard not to do it. Ive gotten to the point that Im always wondering what shes doing now. Is she out doing this or that...I wish I could just get her out of my head. Im also realizing that Im looking back at things with rose colored glasses. Im only remembering the fun times we had. Im not thinking of a lot of the stuff she put me through. Anyways...I just want to get over her and move on. I dont think that Im even wanting to hope that things could work out. I just want to stop feeling this way. By the way Katty, how are you doing
NowWhat Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 I know right where you are. My girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago and I'm still feeling really awful. In fact, agony is the only word that can describe this kind of pain. I can barely sleep and when I do, I have terrible nightmares. I can't concentrate on work (obviously, since I am writing this from my desk at 10:30 in the morning) and my house looks like a tornado came through. I can't seem to find the motivation for anything at this point. Like you, I want her to call, and am dissapointed when she doesn't. And also like you, I know that the past year has been unhealthy for me and that this is probably for the best. That doesn't stop me from hoping though. I think that when you love someone as much as I love her, it takes time to let go of the potential the relationship had. Even though it may be for the best, if we were ready to let go, then we would have broken up with them, right? Anyway, I hope it helps to know that you aren't alone. Next time you are up late at night, watching reruns, and feeling depressed---at least you can be assured that someone else is doing the exact same thing.
xxsilverdragonxx Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 Originally posted by NowWhat Anyway, I hope it helps to know that you aren't alone. Next time you are up late at night, watching reruns, and feeling depressed---at least you can be assured that someone else is doing the exact same thing. Yeah. Take strength in knowing that someone else here, or everybody, are going through the same ups and downs. When it gets to me, I try to get my mind off of it by thinking ahead in my future, because i'll find myself filing through the past, with little snippets of memories here and there. But when I reflect, I try to realize that this isn't the end of my life by any measure, and that dwelling only keeps you in the past. Think future. Move forward with your life, you can glance back, but keep your head focused forward, and the things that bother you will slowly heal. Thats what i've learned.
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