Jake0516 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 (edited) Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 3 years now. We have been dating ever since high school. However, at the beginning of June we took a break because she felt like she lost feelings. Well after 3 weeks we started talking again and got back together. Things were perfect at first, we saw each other all the time and texted each other all the time. But within the past 3 weeks she only wanted to be with her friends before they left for college. We did have some disagreements but we always worked things out. This past weekend I went over her house and things were fine. Then she admitted to going up her friends apartment and smoking weed. Which then led into a fight and her saying we are done. I got home that same night and said I'm home ill talk to you whenever and then she texted me saying to come pick her up so she can stay at my house. When she got into the car I asked her what changed her mind and she said she does want to spend time with me and wants to be with me everything was fine until Monday. I decided to ask her a question about why isn't she sexually attracted to me anymore and she said that we changed we got older and got more responsibilities. She proceeded to say she lost feelings for me and she needs space and wants to be done cause of college and she doesn't want to settle down at 18. My question is how do I get her back and how do I get her feelings to change about me? I know I should give her space but I'm afraid she will leave me for someone else. Edited August 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Vinsanity1307 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Agree with the break up and go no contact....Dont beg and plead it does nothing I am in day 34 of NC after being in a 5 year relationship trust me I know....Be cool calm and collected..this will catch her off guard..And it is not a reason to get her back...if there is a small chance .... let her miss you but dont expect it...Let go..You just never know and hold to NC
tart6245 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Yep. Just ignore her. You never get anyone back by begging and pleading. You may never get her back but the best way to do it is to move on. If she wants you back, she will come to you. 1
Author Jake0516 Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Well I was her first for everything and we knew eachother ever since we were little. She says she still loves me but doesn't want to be tied down now. When I asked her if she is goin to move on or anything she said if her or I move on she will deal with it then. So should I stay with the NC rule? Or do I give it a week then text her and start a conversation about everyday life. I'm afraid if I give her too much space there won't be "us" anymore cause I'm afraid since she started college she'll meet someone. About how long for the NC rule?
Chi townD Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 (edited) Dude, you have to get it into your head. She doesn't want to be with you anymore. Why would you want to hold on to someone that doesn't want to be around you? DO you think that is the foundation of a loving and caring relationship when all she wants to do is run for the door? It sucks, I know. I've been there. But, here's the deal. She made the choice to have you out of her life. So, you give her exactly that. You disappear. Chances are she's gonna try to be friends with you. Here's the rub. You are not her friend. I'm sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the end result is that you are nothing more than a friend to her. She either has 100% of you or nothing at all. So, ignore all texts, emails and phonecalls. BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK! Go completely dark on her. Time to heal and move on. The NC rule is a tool to help you heal and move on. It is NOT a tool to try to get our Ex's back. Edited August 28, 2013 by Chi townD 2
Jord11 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Dude, you have to get it into your head. She doesn't want to be with you anymore. Why would you want to hold on to someone that doesn't want to be around you? DO you think that is the foundation of a loving and caring relationship when all she wants to do is run for the door? It sucks, I know. I've been there. But, here's the deal. She made the choice to have you out of her life. So, you give her exactly that. You disappear. Chances are she's gonna try to be friends with you. Here's the rub. You are not her friend. I'm sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the end result is that you are nothing more than a friend to her. She either has 100% of you or nothing at all. So, ignore all texts, emails and phonecalls. BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK! Go completely dark on her. Time to heal and move on. The NC rule is a tool to help you heal and move on. It is NOT a tool to try to get our Ex's back. Exactly this! Trust me
Jord11 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I know how you feel, I had my ex walk out on me saying she didn't love me anymore out of the blue a month after Christmas a week after my birthday, she sent me the last word in a text back in march and I've been in no contact since, around 6 months, do I miss her still hell yes I do, but it's time to move on, if she wants me back and she says she made a mistake ill have to do a lot of thinking, will I be her friend again probably not, I loved this girl but she tore me to peices, stay strong I know it's hell
blotter Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 You started dating her when she was 15! Did you think she would be happy with just one penis for the rest of her life? Of course not. She is going to want to go out and experience life, different men, different relationships. It was young love and now it's over, enjoy it for what it was and the time you had with her and move on.
Author Jake0516 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 I have posted something similar to this a couple days ago but I just added new information that I found out. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 3 years now. We have been dating ever since high school. However, at the beginning of June we took a break because she felt like she lost feelings. Well after 3 weeks we started talking again and got back together. Things were perfect at first, we saw each other all the time and texted each other all the time. But within the past 3 weeks she only wanted to be with her friends before they left for college. We did have some disagreements but we always worked things out. This past weekend I went over her house and things were fine. Then she admitted to going up her friends apartment and smoking weed. Which then led into a fight and her saying we are done. I got home that same night and said I'm home ill talk to you whenever and then she texted me saying to come pick her up so she can stay at my house. When she got into the car I asked her what changed her mind and she said she does want to spend time with me and wants to be with me everything was fine like we talked about moving in with eachother and saying forever and always and just cute stuff like everything was perfect. Everything was perfect until Monday I decided to ask her a question about why isn't she sexually attracted to me anymore and she said that we changed we got older and got more responsibilities. She proceeded to say she lost feelings for me and she needs space and wants to be done cause of college and she doesn't want to settle down at 18. My question is how do I get her back and how do I get her feelings to change about me? I know I should give her space but I'm afraid she will leave me for someone else. I found out from her friends that she has a little crush on someone because they go to the same college and they only know eachother. Like they meet up on their breaks and go to the mall and stuff. Well it turns out her crush is my friend. So I gave him a call and ask what was going on and he said nothing was. He respects me and wants us to be together. He was only doing that because he didn't know anyone up there. He agreed to tell me that there was nothing there and if I wanted to he would tell her that nothing was going on. She thinks he's into her when he actually isn't. Her friends said to give her 4 days space without contact and she should come crawling back because he doesn't like her. But what should I do? Like I love the girl to death but I don't want to be her backup plan even though it will kill me to see her with someone else. Should I contact her after 4 days and put a cute note on her car? I have no idea what to do but please don't give any negative advice because I just need something to get my hopes up and get out of my depressed mood. How do I win her back? How do I win her feelings over? What can I do in order to get her back?
darkmoon Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 (edited) " She thinks he's into her when he actually isn't. Her friends said to give her 4 days space without contact and she should come crawling back because he doesn't like her" spiteful almost, no way, look if you're her boyfriend act like one, do not get in league with her friends, all against her, I see nasty and spiteful natures in them, why make her "crawl" towards some kind of social firing squad, I bet she's pretty, so her nasty spiteful friends want her to fail with you Edited August 30, 2013 by darkmoon
FennecFox Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 It sounds to me like your girlfriend is going through a stage in her life where she doesn't know what she wants. Is smoking weed an unusual activity for her? I don't understand how that led into a fight but if it's a one off thing then it could be indicative of a number of things from acting out to escapism. I wouldn't try to win her back, she's not sexually attracted to you, her mood swings are rapid and unpredictable, she's hanging out with other guys with a view to dropping you. Why bother? Even if you win yourself a brief respite now it's unlikely that she will ever truly change. Sorry about it being negative advice, I know you said "please don't tell me the truth because I don't like it" but you might as well face up to it now than continue to lie to yourself and get heartbroken later on when you thought everything was fine. There is nothing to get your hopes up. Go find a nice stable girl who you can trust and confide in and who isn't wildly erratic. Being together since 15 you'd have to have something pretty rare to last forever anyway. You were kids when you got together, you're still kids now.
hurts2death Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 when there is love friends just fall behind , actually everything falls behind, its you that you are the important person in their life,,,,,,,
Author Jake0516 Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 We got into a fight about her smoking weed because her mom died of a prescription overdose and seeing her do that hurt me. It's just like ever since her close friends left for college she has been hanging with her one friend that she never saw much of. Until now... And this friend is just bringing her down because my ex wants to hangout with her cause she doesn't have any friends around and her friend that is around is into partying and drugs and that was something my ex was never into. But I want to get her back but idk how
Minneloa Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 She proceeded to say she lost feelings for me and she needs space and wants to be done cause of college and she doesn't want to settle down at 18. My question is how do I get her back and how do I get her feelings to change about me? QUOTE] Jake, I am sorry you are hurting. That said, the above quote is absolutely crucial. I know that you don't want to hear this, but it sounds like she is completely done with your relationship. You can't get someone back unless they want to come back. You can't change someone else's feelings; only they can control that. I urge you to take a deep breath and step back from the situation. I know it is extremely painful, but I urge you to acknowledge the breakup and accept that she is gone. False hope and encouragement, while temporarily comforting, will only hurt you in the long run. Sending good thoughts, M. 1
darkmoon Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 (edited) "my ex wants to hangout with her cause she doesn't have any friends around and her friend that is around is into partying and drugs and that was something my ex was never into" I am amazed that the ex matters, perhaps it is her you get on with better, your girl is a druggie lately, not your type Edited August 30, 2013 by darkmoon
Author Jake0516 Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Me and my ex broke up in august of 2013. About 3-4 weeks ago we started talking again via text. Since then we hungout multiple times. A couple times after we I dropped her off at her house she texted me saying she wanted to kiss me but stopped herself. We text all the time and probably hangout 2 maybe 3 times a week depending on our schedules. We talk/FaceTime almost every other night. We have talked about memories and how we miss stuff and said that maybe one day we will get back together. But tonight she said that she doesn't want a boyfriend right now because she feels like she can't do the things that she can do now. So if you were in my shoes what should I do in order to get her back without her second guessing herself or what is she just keeping me on the back burner to see if she can find someone else? Any help is appreciated
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 She misses parts of your relationship. Hanging out with you gets some of that back. It's familiar & she doesn't have to work too hard. If she said she doesn't want a BF but you want more (ie getting back together) you need to put some space & distance in here because she is playing you to some extent & will drop you when somebody better comes along. If you are OK with this, or you think you might want FWB, broach the subject.
jphcbpa Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 why did the BU happen? who dumped who? how long were you NC?
Author Jake0516 Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 why did the BU happen? who dumped who? how long were you NC? The breakup happened because we fought too much and thus caused feelings to change towards one another. She dumped me and then about a week later was talking to someone else and I left her alone for about a month and asked for my hoodies back and hit it off again but some stuff happened and we stopped talking to each other and then I dated a new girl and she found out about it and flipped on me. Needless to say I dated the girl for 2 months and broke up with her because I wasn't over my ex. And about two weeks after I broke up with the new girl I texted my ex and been going at it ever since. P.S. Me and my ex dated for 3 years
bubbaganoosh Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Let me ask this because I have seen it so many times on these forums when two people break up. Why do you want to be with someone that you don't get along with? Just the thought of being with someone who I know that very shortly were going to be fighting about something that for the most part is trivial and then you make up and the next day, fighting over some other dumb thing. Ain't no way in hell do I want to be with someone that can't be on the same page with me and we constantly argue. That makes no sense at all. Maybe your just used to each other but there are other women out there that you can get along with. I understand a argument here and there but when you have these things happen all the time, it tells you that you don't belong together. It's not a relationship. It's just something that is better than nothing. 2
jphcbpa Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 what were the fights about? while you were away from each other, did you both work on fixing what was causing the fights? if not, it is just a matter of time before that all comes back.
charliemorgan Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 You shouldn't directly tell her about your situation.You should give her a truthful explanation.Show her that you've given it some thought, and offer her some facts to back it up. You should communicate with her about your feelings for her. And try to solve your or her issues which caused fight between you.
reddragon588 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 she just keeping me on the back burner to see if she can find someone else? Any help is appreciated Sounds like you understand what is going on here. She wants the benefits of a relationship without actually being in one. You're there as her emotional tampon. Stop that and she if she comes to you. As men, we have a tendency to chase. Let her chase you.
Author Jake0516 Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 (edited) ........... Edited February 8, 2014 by Jake0516 Accidental
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